Wednesday, August 28, 2013

My Baby, The Dictator

7 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
It's true.

She rules with a teeny, tiny iron fist.

There is no negotiating with her, no reasoning - her word is the final word. Er... well, rather her coos, cries and screams are the final coos, cries and screams.

Pleading is futile. Begging will get you nowhere.

She is drunk on power. (Technically "power" means "breast milk" in this instance)

She came into her powerful role by means of excessive force and violence (via my... well, you know).

Just stare into her fierce blue eyes and dare not bow down to her adorableness.

She mocks you by sticking out her tongue.

You are welcome.


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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Holy Hell

7 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
There have been so many times I would like to blog, but things like keeping this tiny little human alive, fed, comforted and safe got in the way.

Dang responsibilities.

Haha, just kidding, motherhood is awesome.

Some things I've learned in the last 12 weeks:

- Water can, and does, feel like cutting razorblades on sensitive nipples. Either that, or the Hubs installed a Ginsu showerhead one of the times I was hospitalized.
- Yea, ONE of the times. I didn't realize that labour for me would mean SO MANY INFECTIONS post partum. And multiple hospital stays.
- I hate my OB. She sucks and let me go on with a bad urinary tract infection for TWO MONTHS that is now making me incredibly sick as I start antibiotics. AGAIN.
- Caffeine does get into breastmilk. And a baby who only power naps for 10 minutes is loveable, but exhausting for Mamma.
- I've only lost about 25 lbs of my 55+ pregnancy weight gain. I am the antithesis of sexy.
- This kid's current life goal is to rip out every last hair from my scalp. EVERY.LAST.HAIR. Motherhood has been comprised of constantly wet hair up in elastics, to save that painful tug. Man it hurts.
- I have the capacity to love more intensely, fiercely and unselfishly than I EVER thought possible. I would die for my little monkey if she needed me to. After I ripped the face off of whatever the threat was.

Out in BC you have to watch out for bears. But beware the even deadlier, more insane MAMMA BEAR. I'll f*ck you up.

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