Thursday, May 2, 2013

Cracking, Breaking, Broken.

6 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
For once, I am not referring to myself.

WHOA. I know.

I've been sucking fairly heartily at posting on the regular... and I'm guessing I will get no better. That being said, I've been trying to do things in real life, outside of the internet, once more.

It's a mad, mad world, I tell ya.

Running errands, buying stuff for the house, trying to unpack and organize, and trying to do extreme sports like, oh, I dunno... going up a flight of stairs or bending over to pick something off the floor - all these things can wear a girl out.

And they have.

BUT, while I've been doing that, our spiffy new house has decided that it would like to further challenge me on a day to day basis.

Over two weeks ago now (maybe three?) our furnace kinda sorta decided to stop working. Three technicians and multiple charges later, they say we need a new one and THINK they know what the issue is.

Oh JOY.

Two days after getting that wonderful ($$$) news, the "up" button on our oven display just collapsed into its own housing. Everything else works fine, we just can't increase the temperature to above the starting temp of 350F, or use the timer. You know, unless we are setting the timer for 0:00, in which case we are SOLID.

Figuring that we could replace it ourselves, or MacGuyver a ghetto button in there until the stove dies, I was badly mistaken and have spent far too long hunting down the part and trying to find tutorials on how to take apart the front of the gas stove.

No big deal, right? WRONG. That part is over $315. A new stove starts around $1800 and goes up to $3000 depending on the features.

Well, what a relief that we have no other major expenses to worry about. Oh... right... except for the crib, the baby's dresser, the glider and nursing ottoman, change pad, crib mattress, sleepers, onseies, socks, diapers, butt cream (me AND baby, thankyouverymuch), stroller, carseat....

You get the idea. Living in a new city means no wonderful hand-me downs from friends and family. And finding baby consignment stores within a 20 minute drive is impossible.

I don't even have nice pictures for you for this post, because I am too lazy to grab a camera or download from my phone.

I'm pretty damn pooped, being due next month, but I think that my VISA may need to be hospitalized for exhaustion.

How are you guys out there doing? Ever been hit with a shit-ton of expenses all within a short period of time?

Being an adult is hard. How do I CTRL+Z this biznazz?

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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Fisting: Now with more strawberry!

9 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
We've all seen it at one point or another.

Don't try to deny it.

Sitting, or standing, watching in awe. That something SO LARGE could fit into such a small opening.

It's astounding. It can be revolting, but it's mostly a marvel.

I feel embarassed to admit it, but this time, after I saw it, I was actually drawn to it. I was nearly salivating because I wanted it so badly.

It was huge and freakish and odd and beautiful.

Yeah, I'm sure there was no genetic modification involved in this freak at all. (And by freak I mean the strawberry, not the blogger holding said strawberry).


What, what were you expecting?

I can only imagine the level of disappointment someone is feeling if they ventured here on a much different Google search...


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Thursday, April 11, 2013

Ways Depression Can Save *YOU* Money! 1st Edition

5 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
[Quick edit: I am making light of something fairly dark here, but I am talking about the apathetic kind of depression... if you are in danger, crisis, you need help, or you need to talk to someone, please go HERE for Canadian support, or click HERE for options in the USA.]

You know, tears, sadness, hopelessness and helplessness aside, depression can provide some upsides.

It's just really hard to see it when you are in the midst of it. Positivity isn't exactly high on the list of side effects when you are down and out and chemically imbalanced.

BUT - HAVE NO FEAR! Have all the apathy you want... I mean... what do I care? I'm apathetic, too. But fear not! Here are some surefire ways you can turn that frown upside down (even though it probably will continue turning right back into that frown - but let's just grasp that moment where it resembles a half-assed smile!)

Now I'm not SAYING that free stock photography sucks, but...

Unrelated aside: I hate it when someone says a person has "done a 360" when they've totally changed their mind. That means they are back where they started and not, actually, 180 degrees away and doing the opposite. Anyway....

Ways that depression can save you money (fuck, there have to be SOME plusses, right? RIGHT? NO? Shit.):

   1. Toiletries. You will save a SHIT TON on toiletries. They will be used less often than military rations of food. Case in point:

      1a. Soap. You only use it up when you get your stanky ass in the shower. Based on personal experience, said showering can occur quite infrequently. Suck on that, Dove manufacturers! For every bar of soap I'd use up, the hubby would go through about 15. Yes, I'm gross. But if you laughed because you can relate, we should likely be gross together.

      1b. Shampoo. Same as above, but even THEN, when IN the shower, sometimes all that lathering on long hair is just SO MUCH EFFORT.

      1c. Conditioner. That shit is more rare than a whooping crane. Or whooping cough. Or something rare. Not only must you overcome the hurdle of soaping AND shampooing - you have to start all over with the conditioner. This is clearly reserved for extremely special occasions, like heading to the hairdresser (shit, I should TRY to appear normal) or you know, say, getting married.

      1d. Disposable razor blade ends. I can last on a free sample or clearance bonus pack for months. MONTHS, I say. My only real nemesis here is rust. Damn you, rust.

      1e. Expensive face wash. I use it, I love it, but again - it only works when a water source is involved.

      1f. Toothpaste. WAIT, WHAT?? You mean all that dentist's office propaganda is legit? I'm supposed to brush TWICE a day? Like, with real toothpaste and not just running the tap water to make it seem like I am concerned for my teeth and gums? Whoa.

      1g. Floss. I'm not even going to attempt to pretend here. Moving on...

   2. Long distance charges.

      Personal isolation has its pocket-book advantages! Withdrawing into oneself may be highly destructive, detrimental in the long (and short) term, and counterproductive for mood issues, but damned if I don't save myself a small fortune by not calling Grandma, Uncle Bob, or anyone I know/care for/love/associate with at 15 cents per minute!

Now, I'm not SAYING that this was on a 3-day showerless bender, and I am DEFINITELY not saying that the puppy was fully awake and aware before my BO knocked her unconscious in my arms. Nope, not saying a word on that.


   3. Entertainment Budget. 
      "What's that honey? You think it would be healthy for me to leave the house once this month? [Insert multitude of excuses as to why that would be a bad idea]. And what's that you say? It would be best if I considered showering before we left the house? Whoa no. That's just too much for one (depressed) plate. What's that you say? YOU showered AND left the house today and every day this past week? Well, that's why I love you, and clearly opposites attract!"

      You will save hundreds upon hundreds of dollars. That Marianas Trench/Maroon 5/Jay Z concert at $200 a ticket? Money in your pocket, because your shitty mood, horrible self care and unmanageable anxiety will keep you nice and firmly planted on your couch! Your partner should be THANKING you, really. That magic show? Eff that. Going to the movies? No way you want to cry in front of all those people - and no, it DOESN'T matter that it's an action movie, you will probably cry regardless.

Okay, yes I have felt this way, but clearly the stock photography place got it wrong. This woman is clearly not depressed because she took the time to braid her own hair. That's high functioning self-care, kids.


      That art festival? No, it would take too much brain power. That craft show? Too much fragrant potpourri, sparkles and sweatshirts with puff paint application. And all that sensory overload - you know, breathing air, talking to people and having to walk and be upright. Do I LOOK like a marathon endurance person to you? DO I??

Yeah, didn't think so.

Okay, that's it for the first edition. I have to pee and go to sleep. Priorities, folks.

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