Saturday, January 11, 2014

Winning. I Think.

4 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
Hey, like me on Facebook, dammit. I'm pathetic on there.

I'm pretty sure I'm winning at life when all in the same day I:

  • Chew the Vitamin C from the kitchen counter that is, in fact, not at all chewable.
  • Put the yogurt away long after breakfast. In the dry pantry.
  • Assume my coffee cup is empty and casually carry it downstairs to the kitchen, only to discover it was not empty and I've left a trail of vanilla-hazelnut-carpet-stainyness down the ENTIRE F_CKING carpeted staircase.
  • Lay down to empty the washing machine filter to see water rush out... and moments later feel my socks become saturated (5' away)... and THEN see that the laminate floor, wood trim, cable box, and associated power cords have been flooded with water.

Stop hatin'.
This can be yours one day, too.

Just hit yourself over the head a few times and piss the Universe off. Nothin' doin'.


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Monday, January 6, 2014

My Sleeping Child: For Baby D

3 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
My Sleeping Child

My sleeping child
My tired, sweet little baby

Asleep, so peacefully, breathing lightly on my chest
Sometimes restlessly until a few more rocks and whispery kisses put you at ease

My sleeping child
So full of life
Potential
Inner beauty
Outer beauty that I can't help but praise

Your little hands, flexing ever-so-slightly as we rock together
Your fingers, sometimes tickling my ribs and making me smile in the glow of the night light.

My sleeping child
Your quiet breathing so near to my heartbeat
Calms my soul
The most quiet, soothing whisper in the dark of night
I have to resist kissing your sweet little face awake

My sleeping child
The reason I am on this earth
My reason for being
Your sweetness and innocence filling my heart with overwhelming joy



My sleeping child
So perfect
So darling
So free of doubt, guilt, shame, sadness

My sleeping child
How I hope you will grow to know how loved you are
By Mommy
and Daddy
and every other family member who knows you and sees the wonderful girl you are

My sleeping child
How I promise to be the best parent I can be
To learn as you learn
To strive for patience and calmness
To guide you gently and with understanding and love

My sleeping child, rest well
Dream of colours and smiles and love and yummy milkies
Of doggies and kisses and snuggles and naked bum time

My sleeping child
How I love you so



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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I Should Be Sleeping...

12 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
I am tired. Ever-so-tired.

Yet I am awake, and debating whether or not to finish this glass of red wine.

It came from a box.

I'm a classy   ho   woman.

You guys have NO IDEA how many blog posts I have written in my head as I have been trying to sleep. Or not sleeping. Or nearing sleep. Or feeding the baby with my ever-deflating boobs.

Yet I never seem to make it here to publish ANY OF THAT GENIUS content.

Things like my dog randomly shitting on the floor. My child randomly puking on my chest. My husband randomly getting me pregnant again.

Hahaha, just kidding, that last one is disgusting. And also untrue.

I seem to be living in a world where meals are luxury and taking a poop is only negotiable depending on the mood of the kid.

Don't get me wrong, lil blue eyes here is totally worth it. It's just an adjustment. And I may have been selfish and selected this pic because I don't look horrid in it. She is adorable, if not startled a bit by the flash, lol.


And I have sort of turned into the mom-blog, much to my dismay, simply because that wasn't what I set out to do here (not that there is anything wrong with mom blogging, but my existing.. uh... customer base? Following? Mom and Dad who still read this? Probably aren't interested in my such mundane adventures.)

I feel like it would be really beneficial for me to get back to the what-the-f_ckery of my posts of days past. But time is at a serious mothers_cking premium, because I can never seem to get my shit together (or the laundry done, for that matter). All I can do is try, but I SUCK at follow through.

How was your Christmas?

I got a Keurig, and I am so happy that I will hopefully not make a shitty cup/pot of coffee again. My poor new mom friends have been subjected (more than once) to me losing count of the spoonfuls of coffee grinds in my old machine, to horrendous results.

Anyway, I hope to make it back more often, even if that means less sleep. I got a new fangled iPad mini for Christmas (total luxury splurge) and I hope to find a program where I can draw on it with a stylus (anyone know of such an app?). You will all be subjected to my shit animations, like this old classic.

Okay, so this post was about nothing, but I am interested to hear about your holidays. You know, if anyone else out there still reads me.

Happy Yule Logs, etc.


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