Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Expectations: Dinner

I'd like to share how my expectations have evolved (devolved? disappeared?) over the past few years.

What I'd Expect Of A "Nice Dinner":


Perhaps a fancy restaurant by the water somewhere. Mood lighting that makes me look half do-able to the hubby (though, if you asked him, I'm sure sunlight, flourescent, candle, lamp, overhead ceiling fan, and flash lighting would all be acceptable on that front. He's easy to please, lol). A server who flings out the FABRIC napkin on one's lap (if the concept didn't creep me out and I didn't grab it lightning-ninja-fast-style and place it on my own lap first). At least a half bottle of wine to split, at the obscenely marked up price at whatever overpriced restaurant we were at for the special occasion. A starter salad, with difficult-to-pronounce fancy lettuces and stinky cheese. Gluten filled deliciousness for a main course (to be passed with tremendous bloating and gas the next day or two in private, at my leisure). The oft-disappointed, overly-inflated restaurant dessert (Horizons, I'm looking at you, $17 for a banana split? Fo rizzle?). Nicely, leisurely stretched out to fill the evening.

2013 (45 minutes ago):

A gluten-free microwaveable frozen dinner (We have too many friends and outings these days - no two day private farting opportunities any longer, nor the luxury of feeling like crap by choice when dealing with an infant all day and night long, every day), eaten by the dimmed light of the laptop, on the floor, beside my bed where a sleeping baby lies. Also? Eaten cold still (between dashes down to the kitchen to throw it in the microwave, and the return sprint upstairs to make sure said baby isn't smothering herself in the comforter, or rolling off the bed in her sleep), and eaten quickly, so she doesn't detect my absence and/or awaken prematurely from her nap.

Napkin? I don't need no stinkin' napkin. My shirt is a battleground of puke and BO, anyway.

Dessert? A gnawed off fingernail edge, as I lay beside her worrying about the messy house, the to-do list, and the frustration of not being able to nap beside her while my mind runs a mile a minute.

I still consider this a win, since I actually INGESTED dinner. And before 10pm at that. I'm practically Charlie Sheen winning ALL OVER THIS MAWFACKAH.

My, how times have changed!

Though, I still plan on having a honkin' glass of wine later on tonight. You betchur ass I am.

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  1. Hmm. Things certainly have changed. lol

  2. What this shows is how much you will appreciate dinner #1 when it happens again in a few years because your spawn will be civilized enough to either care for itself, or be left with someone else for a while.

  3. And by "honkin' glass of wine" you mean bottle, no?

  4. fancy dinners are overrated. you appreciate them more when they happen less often. right? and don't forget you have a beautiful bundle of baby for all of your sacrifices! :)

  5. Believe me, there will come a time when you can happily leave the offspring home with a pizza while you and hubby head out together (or with friends).
    Until then, at least you can microwave dinner

  6. Welcome to parenthood. It gets better.

  7. Ok, what is going on here? I stumbled across your blog when doing a search on Sangria. You are simply fabulous!! Best night and accidental blog tripping over ever!! Please tell me there will be more. Please tell me there is a way to follow you!!

  8. Darnit! Where did my comment go? Well if it shows up, whatevs. Long story shortish...I stumbled across your blog and think you are totally fabulous!!


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