Friday, February 18, 2011

Mass Exodus & Questionable "Beans"

So I went from 101 to 98 followers... it's like rats leaving a sinking ship.

How come I didn't realize the ship was sinking? Oh wait, it's not.

I suppose I HAVE been a little pre-occupied and haven't been making the blog rounds, but you get to hear all about that later on.

I have to ask the question, though...

Nescafe Instant Decaf Coffee - For only the finest  wisest  living  person with no taste buds  most discerning  cheapest/laziest "coffee" drinker...

Tell me, my dear friends, does this not look like sperm-like?

Wait a second... instant WHAT?

I always get girlish-ly excited when I am opening a new package of ANYTHING. I used to be PUMPED as a kid to be the first one to peel back that fabulous foil on the peanut butter jar, so I could swipe the single peanut sitting on top. I even used to ask for that yucky brand, even though I like Kraft better (because the cheap bastards at Kraft didn't include a peanut. How hard is it to add a single peanut, I ask? Seriously?)

So I open this horrendous instant coffee to be greeted by little spermy-looking coffee beans. I don't want to know that their "natural decaffeination process" entails...

Happy Friday, Y'all.


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  1. I have never in my life opened a jar of peanut butter and found a peanut.

    Oh and yea...that looks like sperm.

  2. Yeah, I wanna know what kind of peanut butter that is that gives you a free peanut. I never heard of it.

  3. i have never seen a peanut butter jar w/a peanut in it. that's crazy!

  4. @Jumble Mash - It was a Canadian brand. I think it was called "Skippy: The One With The Peanut On Top!" and it had a little squirrel as its icon. I think, anyway.

    @Sarah Lindahl - Check it out here… I tell no lies! (Well, usually.)

  5. @AmberLaShell - I swear! I can't find a picture of it though... damn... And I just bought Kraft today.

  6. What is the peanut in the peanut butter jar you speak of!? I have been ROBBED!

    Also, thanks to me, you have 99 followers now.

    Okay, okay, mostly thanks to you. And your awesome ability to see sperm in random coffee foil lids.

  7. @Haven - Why thank you!! I was starting to think my lack of showering had somehow proliferated my posts and people were running to save their senses!

    Welcome to the blog, and thank you kindly for following and commenting! Seriously - Skippy Peanut Butter!!

  8. You're going to have a bit of "churn" in the number of your followers. Some get led here because a friend mentioned something they were interested in and then not seeing anything else to their liking moved on. Don't worry about it, stay true to what you have been doing and do what you feel like doing.

    Instant coffee is bad enough to make people's ovaries act up!

    I stole the peanuts from the peanut butter jars.

    It is one of those uniquely Canadian things that we just shouldn't send to other countries. Another is Clamato juice. Other countries don't know what it is so we get to have bloody Caesars and they don't.

    It's one of the few things that make us uniquely Canadian.

  9. You crazy Canadians with your single peanut on top of your peanut butter! *shaking head in amused bewilderment* And you keep saying Kraft....but here in Colorado, when you say Kraft it means American cheese slices individually wrapped for your convenience. So I am totally confused! ;P My husband could LIVE off of PB&J...he had that for dinner tonight actually....but we usually buy Jif. Raymond SWEARS that the first bit of peanut butter off the top of a new jar tastes better than the rest, and he is disappointed if I open one without letting him get his peanut butter nectar of the Gods.

    And what up with people leaving? You are so funny and I will now make it my mission to make sure others follow you!

    And those totally look like sperm. I wouldn't drink it. Of course, I don't drink coffee in the first caffeine of choice is Dr. Pepper thank-you-very-much.

  10. @V-Tom - I suppose so, it was just weird that it happened all in two days. Whatever. Maybe they are jealous of my uterus and its fame. HA!

    And Clamato juice is just nasty. What was wrong with tomato juice? Who thought to themselves "let's make this beverage non-vegetarian and add CLAM juice to it"???? *sigh*

    @Angie - First off, Dr. Pepper *droooooool*. I need one of those. Second (secondly? I don't know), we call that kind of cheese "processed cheese"... vs. real "block" cheese like cheddar or marble. And thanks for the support.

    I would concur about the top of the PB being the best. Unless it's Kraft Natural PB, which I just opened and ate, which is disgusting any way you have it. Blech.

  11. you tell me who left and i will go and threaten them menacingly until they come back.
    i am little, but i can be very intimidating.

    also, that is obviously a "hidden" message from someone at the coffee company trying to warn you that THERE IS MAN MILK IN YOUR COFFEE!!!

  12. Marble cheese? Like Colby/Jack combo? I love cheese. I love dairy products really. Mmmmmmmm....butter....

    Ray works for a subcontractor of MillerCoors (Molson) and when he went to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I MADE him bring me cheese curds home. ;D They were so damn yummy I was eating them straight outta the bag.

    Oh! And did you know that before it was called "processed" cheese it was lobbied (by real cheese makers) to be called "embalmed" cheese. True story. My linkage skills suck, so who knows if this will work, but check it out:

  13. A friend of mine lost a follower or two in the past two days as well. Wonder if it was the same person cleaning out their reader or something.

    I've been following for a bit, but have rarely had a chance to comment. Keeping up with all the blogs out there is confusing.

  14. OMG! You didn't drink any of this, did you? This is for women who are trying to get pregnant!

  15. I'm still here, and I love Skippy and grabbing the peanut. As a kid though, I always bugged mom to buy Peter Pan peanut butter, because Larry from Perfect Strangers was in the commercials. I think he wore a night cap.

    If it's any consolation, I'm bound to lose readers with my latest post. Gettin' political n shizzzzz.

  16. No offense if you enjoy decaf coffee, but decaf coffee is like smoking weed that don't get you high, it is pointless to me.

  17. I made it 99! Yay!

    But honestly I thought I had been a follower since like the 40's.

    No, not the 1940's, but that would be a little cool. And freaky?

    hed hed above water

  18. Yes to the sperm and I am ashamed to say I drink more instant than real coffee. Us Australians are only just getting the idea that coffee can actually be good. Still trying to convert the hubby.

  19. Have you tasted a Bloody Caesar? It really tastes great, expecially compared to a Bloody Mary! I can understand people not wanting to eat animals, but its hard to think of a clam as an animal.

  20. yep looks like sperm oh damn goes and gets mind out of gutter again

  21. I used to get offended at un-followers. Not anymore. It's a fact of blog-life.

    And I wonder who "conceived" the design for that coffee seal . . .

  22. @jess - Thank the gods I don't take my coffee with real milk or cream, or you'd have just ensured I gagged every time I drank it. The COFFEE I mean.

    @Angie - We have a little thing here in Canada called "Poutine" and it's gravy, cheese curds (taste way better than they sound) and french fries (aka Freedom Fries... lol). TAAAAY-STY!

    @LilPixi - I hear ya. It's hard sometimes. And I am hopeless when someone has more than one blog. I have to just pick one and stay focused!! Thanks for commenting. :-)

    @middle child - Two words... oh shit.

    @Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. - Ooh gotta check that post out, I am sure it is good. The most I learned about it was on the Daily Show and it pissed me off (if it is what I am thinking of).
    And see people!

    Another Canadian who confirms the existence of Skippy and the peanut!

    @Oilfield Trash - Caffeine tends to give me serious side effects, racing heart and feeling faint. Decaf still has some caffeine. But yeah, it generally tastes like swamp water, except McDonald's new coffee (when it's fresh). SO bad, I know.

  23. @hed - I, too, am slowly realizing that I am not following blogs I thought I had a long time ago. I think whenever I changed my google settings. So if I am not following a blog I regularly read/comment on, be sure to let me know. Word.

    @Mynx - I think Nescafe has set out to make you think all coffee tastes like spermy swampwater. Or something similar.

    @V-Tom - Blaaah. To each their own. As for the clam thing - I just don't want to eat anything that was once alive. I understand I am the minority and expect no one to feel the same.

    @becca - Happy to drag you down in the gutter with me (hehehe), it gets lonely down here, girl!

    @Cole Garrett - lol at "conceived"... brilliant. And yeah, I get it that people come and go, but 101 was exciting! Shan up there followed me for two days and then unfollowed... odd...

  24. Sounds like I need to get me a passport and then to Canada!

  25. Steph, I respect that you don't want to eat animals. However, saying you don't want to eat anything that once was alive means you can't eat plants either, as they are generally regarded as being alive (except after I am entrusted with their care.)I think you need to narrow your criteria for what not to eat.

  26. @Angie - Darn tootin', ya better! Just be prepared for all the cold and all the "eh"s. ;-)

    @V-Tom - I'll leave it at this: I am constantly being told what other people think is acceptable for my diet and/or food standards (yes, seriously, for about 20 years).

    I determine what I am comfortable with, and I determine what I eat. Let's move on because I don't want to discuss it further. Thanks V-Tom.

  27. Steph, my apologies! I didn't intend to tell you what to eat, nor would I ever want to do so for you or anyone else. My dry sense of humour was a little bit too dry I'm afraid and my post came off badly. Sorry!

  28. There *is* summer in Canada, right? Couldn't I visit then? ;P

  29. You really see sperm there? We never got a peanut on top of our Skippy, JIFF or Peter Pan unless it was chunky peanut butter.

  30. @V-Tom - It's all good.

    @Angie - What is this "summer" you speak of? Is that the Canadian season we like to call mosquitos-and-consruction? If so, we have THAT.

    @George - You don't see little swimmers there? It can't be JUST MY dirty mind!?! And you got RIPPED on the peanut deal!

  31. That's some coffee I'd stay away from, if I were you. Don't wanna get miraculously pregnant. Or go blind.

  32. I like it when my dad opens packages first. Cause I have freakishly tiny hands and I'll be there all day trying to get in to something.

  33. You already know my thoughts on losing readers...and if it's because they don't like to acknowledge spermy coffee products, then they can go suck the big keep rockin' and I'll keep readin', dear!

  34. @Fragrant Liar - OMG, never even considered what would happen if it accidentally went in my eye!! Good advice! Thanks for commenting ;-)

    @Storm. Kat Storm. - I make it a point to try my damndest to open things on my own, even if I am feeling really weak/wimpy. It feels like FAIL if I have to get BF to help. lol.

    @Organic Meatbag - Technically, they could just suck those Nescafe coffee crystals, and it would almost be like the real thing!

  35. ugh... i don't get the fickleness of readers. there are some blogs i follow that are total shit and, of course, they get like 85,000 comments within 5 minutes of posting. and then there are knee-slapping hilarious blogs like yours (and mine, obviously) that lose followers.

    are we in the twilight zone...?

  36. @You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... - I honestly don't know... it confuses me sometimes.

    Do you really like me that much *blushes*?? Thank ye. And you are effing hilarious. But you already knew that.

  37. the Rock Band electrocuted-lip edition always makes me laugh mega hard.

  38. I will take this one step farther on the resemblance to sperm on the Nescafe safety seal and say that I can not only see it, but they look like pointy-headed sperm with double tails doing the backstroke. I'm just saying.

    And I know that this wasn't the topic of your bloggy brilliance, but I am REALLY wondering who first picked up a clam, squeezed it, and drank what came out?! And then decided to put the (shudder) stuff that came out into tomato juice? In the wastelands of Southern Missouri, we have Clamato juice. One jar. It sits alone on a supermarket shelf gathering dust and curious Missourians who look at it, and then walk away, shaking their heads.

  39. @Katt - Nice backstroke notation. I clearly missed that one!

    I, too, do not understand the union. Peanut butter and jam/jelly? Yes. Vodka and cranberry? Of course, Nutella and anything edible? OBVIOUSLY.

    But not clam + tomato. Drinking already gives me gut rot breath, the last thing I need is clam breath. lol.


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