So the weather here was quite "balmy" compared to the -19°C weather we've been having lately, with the wind chill.
Most of you know that we got a new puppy two weeks ago. What most of you probably don't know is that said puppy poops. A lot. I mean, a lot a lot, and only if I go outside with her and encourage her.
I can only imagine what I sound like to the neighbours.
Me: "C'mon hon, hurry up, pee pee poo poo. Hurry up." (I am all shrill and excited and super-happy sounding)
Puppy: *tilts head.... runs back to back door*
Me: "C'mon puppy, hurry up, pee pee poo poo. Hurry up. Go pee pee."
Puppy: *drops and gives me a 3-second pee*
Me: "Yay! Good pee pee, good girl! Good pee pee! okay, hurry up, go poo poo."
Puppy: *runs around yard, eats bunny poop, smears it on my fingernails as I try to sweep her mouth, dives under the patio table*
Wash, rinse, repeat.
You get the idea.
Sort of. With less snow in your eyeballs/eardrums/nostrils and chills up your spine.
So, after two weeks of laziness and general disdain of all temperatures cold and colder, I realized the multiple poops (that were followed with loud cheers by me and congratulatory messages to the puppy) were starting to really pile up.
So out I went today to start to shovel them into a bag for garbage night. Let's just say at the best of times, this stuff isn't solid, as we changed her food. So add in snow melt, paw squishes, and other lovely-dog-poop-related joy, and you've got yourself a shifty substance.
IF YOU HAVE RECENTLY EATEN, OR ARE ABOUT TO EAT, YOU MAY WANT TO SHUT THIS BROWSER WINDOW RIGHT ABOUT NOW....
SERIOUSLY
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
THIS ISN'T GOING TO END WELL.
ALRIGHT, BUDDY, I WARNED YOU.
I was dealing with something between 10 and 60 on the scale below. Moundfuls and moundfuls (no, not mouthfuls).
So... yeah. The garbage man tomorrow is going to have a melty-slushy-soupy mess. And the backyard doesn't look much better.
Why do I blog about dog poop so much? Who knows?
How long until someone finds my blog because they will inexplicably search google with that exact phrase? I give it two weeks.
Who has to deal with the aftermath tomorrow morning? The garbage collection man.
Poor garbage collection man.
_____________
Pin It Now!
Most of you know that we got a new puppy two weeks ago. What most of you probably don't know is that said puppy poops. A lot. I mean, a lot a lot, and only if I go outside with her and encourage her.
I can only imagine what I sound like to the neighbours.
Me: "C'mon hon, hurry up, pee pee poo poo. Hurry up." (I am all shrill and excited and super-happy sounding)
Puppy: *tilts head.... runs back to back door*
Me: "C'mon puppy, hurry up, pee pee poo poo. Hurry up. Go pee pee."
Puppy: *drops and gives me a 3-second pee*
Me: "Yay! Good pee pee, good girl! Good pee pee! okay, hurry up, go poo poo."
Puppy: *runs around yard, eats bunny poop, smears it on my fingernails as I try to sweep her mouth, dives under the patio table*
Wash, rinse, repeat.
You get the idea.
Sort of. With less snow in your eyeballs/eardrums/nostrils and chills up your spine.
So, after two weeks of laziness and general disdain of all temperatures cold and colder, I realized the multiple poops (that were followed with loud cheers by me and congratulatory messages to the puppy) were starting to really pile up.
So out I went today to start to shovel them into a bag for garbage night. Let's just say at the best of times, this stuff isn't solid, as we changed her food. So add in snow melt, paw squishes, and other lovely-dog-poop-related joy, and you've got yourself a shifty substance.
IF YOU HAVE RECENTLY EATEN, OR ARE ABOUT TO EAT, YOU MAY WANT TO SHUT THIS BROWSER WINDOW RIGHT ABOUT NOW....
SERIOUSLY
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
THIS ISN'T GOING TO END WELL.
ALRIGHT, BUDDY, I WARNED YOU.
I was dealing with something between 10 and 60 on the scale below. Moundfuls and moundfuls (no, not mouthfuls).
 |
| This is why I don't like tootsie rolls. (Image source here, 'cause someone else blogs about crap, too.) |
So... yeah. The garbage man tomorrow is going to have a melty-slushy-soupy mess. And the backyard doesn't look much better.
 |
| Oscar's shit-eating grin is about to become a whole lot more appropriate.... |
Why do I blog about dog poop so much? Who knows?
How long until someone finds my blog because they will inexplicably search google with that exact phrase? I give it two weeks.
Who has to deal with the aftermath tomorrow morning? The garbage collection man.
Poor garbage collection man.
_____________
I remember training a puppy. I always said "Let's go potty" and felt embarrassed if someone was around. The chart is great, I may use it as a background at work, if that's ok.
ReplyDelete@George - With the enthusiasm and praise I dole out, you would think that the puppy was pooping gold! And I am all about the high-pitched "pee pee, poo poo!". I am sure all of my neighbours love it.
ReplyDeleteLove it and are certain I'm a madwoman. (They would sort of be correct in that assumption...)
Ah the joys of puppy training. Lets just say that I don't miss those times anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you though.
Yep this time of year and with the higher temperatures ,we have Poo soup in our yard ... It's a glamorous life lol ...D...
ReplyDelete@Oilfield Trash - S'all good! I feel bad for the Trashman... Puppy is so worth it. She makes me soooo happy.
ReplyDelete@Kel -Diane - Poop soup! I love it! Glamorous life... but so worth it!
ReplyDeleteI think you can put that in the green bin.. well I hope so since that's what I've been doing with the cat poop.
ReplyDeleteI found that all the puppies I had would more easily go poop if you made them active for a bit first. Make them chase a stick, chase you around, chase the cat or the neighbour's kid. Any of them worked (but not cars unless you want to poop yourself.) Also Mexican food works fast too and doesn't need the exercise. (Well, it does for people so it should for dogs as well.)
@V-Tom - lol, No, our city explicitly states no animal waste in the green bin. I think it's even worse with cats because of the litter stuck to it. When and if it gets approved, though, we'll need a ton of green bins. Ha!
ReplyDeleteThe exercise thing doesn't always work for her. It does in the morning, but not always in the evening.
Stephanie?
ReplyDeleteThank you. Every post of yours is such a relief. Honestly. My life has so much pressure to perform, to sell, to work, work, work, and then I read what you write, and I sigh.
Stop taking things so seriously. (Advice to self)
But poop is serious business. It tells you so much about the immediate state of health of any animal, including homo sapiens.
I am happy to report that my old dog is scoring high on the poop scale. I am another matter.
@Rick - I hope you also laugh a little with the sigh? Because I have learned that, in general, when BF sighs it's because he's fed up with my behaviour at that particular moment. So I will assume the sigh = good things to you. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think she's quite healthy... now YOU on the other hand... shall I research and post the equivalent human scale, just to be safe? (jk).
Don't work too hard, friend. In the end, no one looks at your grades, except you. (Well, generally speaking, anyway).
Steph, "Sigh" rally means "let it go". When your BF says that he probably means he has learned through experience that he shouldn't comment or he may face the Wrath of Steph, but I'm sure Rick is saying that he should notlet all the work stuff get to him and instead should relax and learn from your example. I know that I find your blog a great way to relax after a tough day at work (and often while having a tough day at work!)
ReplyDeleteYes. That is a sigh of relief.
ReplyDeleteAh yes...I remember blogging about how my floors had never been cleaner when Fiona arrived in our home.
ReplyDeletehttp://grimalkinmao.livejournal.com/43092.html
Poor baby had - HAS a very sensitive digestive system and it took *forever* to find a dog food that wouldn't make her gassy enough to clear the house and be on the 10-20 scale of that there chart. Finally found Great Life dog food and all problems have cleared up except for when she occasionally gets too many grains....like bread or pasta. It only took two years to figure it out. ;P Now she is awesome about letting us know when she has to go out.
The little one, Daisy Mae, is a different story. Because we inherited her from my MIL when she passed away, we weren't involved in her "formative" years and she will poop in the house any damn time she pleases. Which is especially when there is snow and it is cold. DH's Mom lived in Georgia, which is considerably warmer in the winter time than Colorado and she is such a freakin' princess she doesn't want to go on the snow. When she first came, I would have to shovel a section of the yard down to the grass before she would go.
I just finished my to do list for the week and cleaning up mushy poop is on it. Ugh. I totally feel your pain. But then they do a happy dance when they see you, or snuggle up and look at you adoringly and *poof* it's all good. :D
Garbage Man will be fine. He has probably smelled some pretty bad things in his time. Besides, he gets paid more than I do.
ReplyDeleteI can relate we have a new puppy and it's been dang cold her too. I think I've had the same conversation with the dog!
ReplyDeleteI took the risk and read this post. Breakfast time!
ReplyDelete-Barb the French Bean
right now there is a poop out in my yard that is encased in ice. i think it's so hilarious i almost took a picture. but then i decided that was too gross even for me. also? there is a dog hair in my yogurt.
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaa!! My dear, you just scored major points in my book, because you seem to be the first blogger I have ever seen that has posted an official dog poop chart...kudos to you!!
ReplyDeletei enjoyed the dog poop chart. it may come in handy if i ever get another dog.
ReplyDeletemany of my cats have 'people' names. and i use them liberally when yelling at them or coaxing them to do something like come inside without me having to go round them all up.
so my neighbors may hear me screaming at samantha to get the fuck away from me, at taylor to stop throwing up on the bed, at jake to stop biting me, and at piglet for various other things. i imagine they think i have three very oddly behaved children whom i abuse roundly, and i guess they'd assume piglet is a pet of sorts.
but my neighbors change regularly, so maybe not.
@V-Tom & @Rick - Glad to hear it. Just doublecheckin'.
ReplyDelete@Angie - Sistah, you know the snuggles make EVERYTHING worth while. I would trade her slushy poop for the world. Okay, well maybe for less poop or more solid poop. lol. Angie’s live link is here
@On My Soapbox - Very valid point about wages. I'm sure he makes more than I do, too, so I suppose there are certain poop-related hazards that come with the job!
@The Restaurant Manager - You should bring your dog over. Both our voices together could prompt someone to call us in to the loony bin.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't blame her, I hate the cold, too!
@Barb the French Bean - Sorry... hopefully you are not eating anything remotely brown for breakfast??
@jess - I guess I will do just about anything. Including photographing, sourcing, reading about, and posting dog poop pictures. What a dedicated blogger, eh?
@Organic Meatbag - I figure - how else to better make a name for myself? Classy posts like this one. ;-)
@steph gas - Hahahhaha, that would make it worse. I guess at least I am clearly saying "puppy" vs. Samantha. That's awesome. And, by the way, I love the name Piglet!
man oh man...at least your not dealing with a zero?
ReplyDelete@Paige - Day 2 was around an "8" kinda day... poor pups and changing food. And now she wants to eat the big dog food, and the big dog wants to eat her food. Grass is always greener.
ReplyDelete@EVERYONE - Happy Valentine's *bullshit, hallmark holiday, bullshit, cough* Day, Everyone!
Personally there's nothing I love more than a good dog poop post, so well done Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteHowever, seeing all of that reminded me of what's waiting for me in my backyard. My youngest son described the area where my dogs pooped as looking as though it had been hit by "a bunch of grenades!"
...That's why I have a cat!
ReplyDelete@Sandra - You may regret encouraging me on this one. And boy, do I ever know about the grenade situation. Not nearly as pleasing as the Bruno Mars song version.
ReplyDelete@Storm. Kat Storm. - Yes, much lower maintenance, unless they are the deviant "Imma poop everywhere but mah litter box" kind. We know we couldn't get a cat with Schultz. He wouldn't play nicely and he's too big!