I Love Andy Samberg - Part 1

IT'S TRUE!

His face says it all.

After years of writing off Saturday Night Live for not being funny any more, I flipped it on when Feyoncé™ was gone and I was bored out of my mind. (Mind you, this was before my intense internet addiction and affliction for blogging and bloggers, so I still did things 'offline' at that point in my life... *SIGH*).

He did a music video skit about Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced mah-MOOD ah-mah-dih-nee-ZHAHD). I was actually belly laughing HARD as he lounged on the piano and Samberg romanced him with his witty lyrics in "Iran So Far".




Oh, and did I mention, ADAM LEVINE and JAKE GYLLENHAAL are in this, too? So hilarious and awesome.

The lyrics (Not owned by me - all rights reserved to NBC/SNL, etc.):

They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
And even though we're from opposite ends of the earth,
My heart tells me you're the one for me, Mahmoud

I remember when it started -
Saw you on the news
You were hatin' gays, I was eatin' food
But I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
You ain't wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me
Mahmoud makes my heart beat right out of my chest
My mind says no, but my body says yes
Nuclear threat? The only threat I see
Is the threat of you not coming home with me
Our love for each other's like when atoms collide
Can't express how I feel, Hey, yo Adam let's ride

And Iran, Iran so far away
Is your home, but in my heart you'll stay

He ran, for the president of Iran
We ran together to a tropical island
My man, Mahmoud is known for rilin'
Smilin', if he can still do it, then I can
They call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
You can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
S&M, nestlin' when we're wrestlin'
You can be the port that I park my vessel in
So I try to mute the tv but you can still see me
With your sleepy brown eyes, butter pecan thighs
And your hairy butt...
Yeah

And Iran, Iran so far away
Come home, and in my arms you'll stay

Used to look at the stars and dream
'Round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
Your pants high waisted, damn so fly!
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
And laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene you got me straight trippin' Boo
Hope you look in my eyes and say "I'm trippin', too"
You say Iran don't have the bomb but they already do
You should know by now, it's you

And Iran, Iran so far away
Is your home, but in my heart you'll stay

You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
But you can't deny that there's something between us
I know you say there's no gays in Iran
But you're in New York now baby
It's time to stop hiding,
And start living...

One

*Jakey appears*

There is hotness overload in the video... Adam Levine dressed in white, looking all smoulderingly hot and serious while he sings along to this ridiculous song... Jake G. making a hot little cameo... Andy Samberg with his passionate expression of lust for the Iranian President...

Adam Levine looking white hot in his white suit, singing with Andy Samberg. Loves it!!

This was what got me back into Saturday Night Live, but more so had me in love with Andy Samberg!

Andy Samberg lookin' good in slippers.

Little did I know this would only be the tip of the Samberg iceberg for my love of all things Andy...

Part 2 - To Be Continued...

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F-cked Up Letters

Click HERE to View Round One

__________________

Dear SELF While DRIVING,

Just because you got rear-ended (resulting in whiplash) while stopped at a stoplight in 2010, it does not mean that EVERY.SINGLE.CAR that appears to be fast approaching behind you will also rear end you. You have been driving in fear of this for 8.5 months. I saw you cringe last night at a stoplight again. You need to get the fuck over it and realize it took 14 years of driving for it to happen to you once! Jaysus! Lighten up already.

Signed,
Me



Dear Tiny Itty Bitty Little Piece of Soap Left In The Shower,

I respect your work ethic. You seriously are giving it your all until the very end. And yours is a thankless job; I care not to know all of the things you have seen in your working life.

My skin crawls at the site of some of that beige "soap"...

That being said, I cannot ignore the panic and uneasiness that settles upon me when I attempt to wash my butt and/or buttcrack region, and you disappear. I know, I know, Dove Sensitive Skin that you match the (sometimes) white of the bathtub, but seriously... where did you go? WHERE did you disappear to? Is there dislodging I should be commencing? SERIOUSLY WHERE the fuck DID YOU GO? And now, how am I supposed to finish showering? You know I am not foolish enough to use BF's acid soap (Ivory... 99% pure...  lye, people!).

Just hang in there until I unceremoniously toss you into the garbage can, and prepare for the next showering experience with a new bar. No one wants to get lost in my nether regions. Except maybe Adam Levine. That would be okay.

Thankfully,
Me

I will never resort to this for soap shards. BF already thinks I have too much crap in the shower, anyway. (Sidenote: I hope no one googles "crap in the shower" and finds my blog. They will be disappointed)

Dear Adam Levine,

Hello there, Adam Levine. How yoooooou doooin'?

You are on my "free pass" list. (In fact, you are the only one I can think of right now. Maybe Sidney Crosby, but only the grown up version. I digress [EDIT: My friend A.P. reminded me indirectly that Bradley Cooper is also on that list. Just want to be clear]). You have an open invitation to get lost in my nether regions. BF hates you for that reason, but for that reason I also hate Jessica Alba. Please come up with better Tweets because you are losing some of your sex appeal. Pull a Britney and have a staffer do it for you. Please. Also? I cannot get the song "Misery" out of my head. Usually in the shower. Often after I 'misplace' the soap.

Dreamily Yours,
Me

p.s. Don't forget about my nether regions.

[Edit, Youtube Vid Below]




Dear Clearance Watch That Ticks Ever-So-Loudly,

I purchased you because, in truth, you were cheaper to buy than the cost to replace the battery in my faithful and trusty Mary Kate and Ashley model. Why must you tick so loudly? Like, super loud? If I am wearing you while I put earrings in, I think you may cause my sensitive eardrums to burst. Please be quiet. But don't die in doing so, because the cost to replace your battery will be more than you are worth.

Also? Thanks for being so damn loose. Your packaging hid that feature well and you were final sale. You are also not worth paying to have links removed. I know fear the jeweler would laugh me out of the store. But your blue face is pretty. That is all.

Silently,
Me



Dear $2 Impulse-Buy Bag of Peanuts,

Stop being so damn irresistible. I didn't even know I liked peanuts, but I was hungry. I don't think I do like peanuts. You make me feel super-dee-duper nauseous, but your salty-meatiness is irresistible. You are loaded with fat and salt and are satisfying, probably moreso than Adam Levine would be (I'm only guessing, he will have to probably prove himself otherwise).

You are adding to my weight gain and I have no restraint. Damn you peanuts.

In Good Health,
Me

"Righty-o, mates, here to plump up your bottom with my greasy, salty nuts. Off to work now, cheerio."

Cocky bastard, isn't he?

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