I Lied To You!

I bet you all just thought I was being "lazy", perhaps "spending time with family" over the "holidays" and neglecting my blogging duties as a result. You would actually be right, BUT, I lied to you in that I was doing it all from the Caribbean.

Today was the trip home. So, don't be mad I didn't share that with y'all, since I figured you would probably want to break into my house and steal my TV that doesn't even have an input-plug-thingie for a DVD player (that's right, bitches, no PVR, no game system, no DVD, hell... no VCR! Don't be hatin').

Just kidding. You're not really bitches.

On the other hand, place me on two flights, being awake for 25 hours straight, with an overwhelmingly allergic reaction to Red Lane Spa "shampoo" (I seriously think it was floor cleaner in the bottle, my scalp is shedding in ways no human should dander...), in an airport with a bunch of loud French-speaking Canadians (yes, I am Canadian, btw), then a kid kicking my airplane seat for an hour, and you have got yourself one SERIOUSLY miserable bitch.

No wait, they're just REALLY fucking loud and don't care. Asshats. I think they thought they were at a party? Easy to get that confused in a massive, echo-y airport. My bad.

But, I love you all so much that I wanted to get that all out and post before you all thought I was dead or had forgotten about this blog.

I tried to sleep here. I FAILED miserably. Thanks airport noises and LOUD people!

I haven't called my Grandma to thank her for the salad bowl for Christmas. I haven't sent messages to all of my wonderful friends who actually remembered me this year and sent Christmas cards (thereby also not apologizing for my being distracted/busy/overwhelmed and not sending out Christmas cards this year to anyone but the few, the proud, the  Marines  immediate family).

So while I've been absent, I hope to recall enough from my drunken haze of the last eight days or so to recount (with fervor and snarkiness matched by no one) the good, the bad, the ugly and the humorous from my experiences over the next few posts.


I mean, with gems like the one below, how could you NOT look forward to this?

 

HAPPY 2011 EVERYONE!

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