Pole Dancing - Sexpot Extraordinaire....

Well, surely I have your attention right now.


I decided, after a two (or so) year hiatus from trying a pole-fit class, which really isn't pole-dancing, that I would.. uh... get back in the saddle and try again.


My last lessons were taught partially by an extremely flexible lady and a very vivacious man who owned a studio in my hometown. This time, I paid the big bucks and went to a place locally...

I imagined myself looking like this (with a slightly rounder silhouette and less boobs):

IF ONLY my ass looked that small... I wouldn't NEED pole-fit class.

And after the first 4 minutes, realized that I wasn't even close to looking THIS cute, even:

This pole dancer even has better hair than I do.... *sigh*

I felt rusty, creaky and clunky as the instructor moved and swayed her hips, seemingly effortlessly, smooth, sleek and in-the-know.

I felt like the biggest fake EVAR. She did a quick run down of level 1 (see, I had done this before, you know, so I figured I could TOTALLY head straight into level 2, maybe even 3)... and I stared, slack-jawed at my inability to figure out a f*cking thing she was doing.

There is such an art to looking graceful while trying to spin and pull yourself up on the pole. There truly is.

My last class involved more running leaps to try to spin around the pole. This new class is more about sensual movement, empowerment, and transitioning effortlessly from falling off the pole, onto your ass, and back up again without looking like you are even trying.


Beginner Pole Fit Fun from Stephanie Cee on Vimeo.


I clearly lack grace, but man, it WAS FUN!!


I have the utmost respect (you know, fitness wise) for girls who pole-dance as professionals. They ARE STRONG, FIT women.

I saw this video on youtube and had to share it.

Check out the crazy move at around 1:31... I can't embed the video... the girl is clothed and should be safe for work, unless someone is looking over your shoulder and wondering why the hell you are looking up pole-fitness tips online at work. lol.

Hopefully I will start to suck less as time goes on.

I attended a chair-fit class on the weekend which included a strenuous, painful series of leg, butt, thigh and arm strengthening moves with a TEENY bit of chair dance at the end.

I woke up ALL night because I was in so much pain.


Good lord, I have a long way to go before I even hit puppy pole-dance cuteness...



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Happy Birthday, Blog O' Mine!

Well, holy shyte.

Yup...

Nothing butt

the finest, most upstanding writing on this blog...

not that I want to beat a dead horse... or club a baby seal.

I'm just cool like that, yo.

Who would have believed I could keep my attention span fixated long enough to maintain a blog for an entire year.

It was a year ago, today, when Feyoncé™ (then "BF" or "Boyfriend") was away on work, I was bored and had been watching way too many episodes of True Blood, and I had been exposed to the fabulosity and hilarity provided by Allie Brosh's blog "Hyperbole And A Half".

I figured I would try my hand at it, because weird shit or annoying stuff always seems to happen to me. My first month I had 82 whopping page views, most likely because of my emails to family and friends to check it out. So thanks to you guys who took the time to read, some even "followed", and others commented!

:)

Made it feel good to know I was sharing something with other people (what?? I'm generally not good at sharing).

Over 33,000 page views and a year later, here I sit. That may not seem to significant, but I think it's pretty neat. Sure, a lot of people stumble across the blog only through searching Google images for mainly hairy noses, sexy socks, "clubbing" and spandex ass (all from my stats, I cannot tell a lie), but there are still lots of people who take the time to read stuff and I LOVE YA!

Also? I have made an astounding $63.99 in ad revenue, which practically makes me a zillionaire, allowing me to quit my day job and live with a butler and chauffeur. Don't hate.

So, boring post, but YAY ME!

That very first post is HERE if you want to read it.



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Confessions

Let's see...

• I mainly buy Asparagus for the free elastic bands. It's a great product-to-free-elastic-band ratio, because they generally put one at the tips and at the bottoms. Double win! Oh... yeah, and I get to eat the asparagus too.
• God-DAMN asparagus makes pee smelly. I hope someone found this post based solely on Googling that phrase.
• It is ALWAYS appropriate, anticipated, and welcomed to pinch other men's nipples after consuming large quantities of alcohol. Feyoncé™ is wrong on this one. It's... like... a MUST, really.
• When surprisingly faced with a skunk, in the dark, while walking your puppy, it is both eloquent and effective to yell "Shit! No! RUUUUN!" and run across the street in a blaze of chaotic skunk-odour-avoidance-measures.

Don't be fooled by those coy smiles; These buggers will force a dangerous, treacherous bathing process involving hydrogen peroxide, dawn, and baking soda. Usually around 1am. You've been warned.

• Avoidance (to people, not skunks) is even MORE obvious over text. I feel the need to state that a reply is unnecessary approximately 6+ hours after an original message is sent. Unless your phone was off because you never leave the house. (Not that I know what that is like, AT ALL, people...)
• My extended family contains at least one psychopath/sociopath.

C'est fini.


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