Sunday, December 9, 2012

Elvis & The Vancouver Christmas Market 2012

Go ahead.

I can feel you judging me from there already.

I can practically hear you snickering at the assertion I'm making in the title of this post.

But it's true.

I really did leave the house and go to the 2012 Vancouver Christmas Market. I know, I realize it's shocking.

It required me to both change out of my pajamas AND brush my teeth in the same hour. It was utterly exhausting.

But after we paid $10 to enter, sacrificed an arm and a leg to get some mulled wine and apple cider, the unthinkable happened.

Elvis showed up.

I am not talking some two-bit weekend actor playing the part. I'm not referencing the on-site entertainment consisting of the woman playing various-sized cowbells alongside the gentleman equipped with the accordion. No. I mean motherf_cking Elvis.

A bit of history:

When I was a wee lass, my mother had an extensive Christmas album collection on vinyl. It consisted of THIS GUY singing all your favourite holiday hits:

The bouffant. The realistic back drop. The uber-relaxed posture. The epitome of Christmas, that Elvis.

What else was in the collection? Well... that was it, actually. But the record had TWO sides, so it was double your Elvis pleasure.

I recently found BOTH sides of this nostalgic album on YouTube to enjoy over and over again, like the days of my youth. I quite like it. My mom LOVES it. Interestingly enough, it would seem that the Hubs HATES it.

So he's been forced to listen to it maybe six or more times already in the past few days.

Fast forward to the Vancouver Christmas Market, 2012...

I saw an alpaca teddy bear I wanted. It was $55. I did not get it.
I saw a pretty Christmas ornament, that I assume must be handmade or else equipped with a high gold content, for $27.
I saw a stick with fruit on it that cost about $6.50, but hey, they'd dip it in chocolate for you!
I saw lots of good looking carbs, all fairly expensive in my eyes.

I saw a candle for $17. A single small candle. For $17.

You know what? There was no fudge. None.

I saw a massive lineup for french-fried potatoes on a stick. Call it a tornado and they will come.
My friend got a small hot chocolate. I believe it cost her $5 or $6. Not artisan chocolate, or specialty hot chocolate, or German chocolate. Just "Christmas Market" hot chocolate, at low, low Christmas Market prices.

But then my pessimism was halted. My focus? Redirected. My mind.... = blown.

On the loudspeaker, what rained down like an eargasm on a rare non-rainy day in the city?

You guessed it.  Spongebob Squarepants   Mariah Carey's horrible song on loop   Metallica  Elvis mother-effin' Presley and his Christmas album. In stereo. In loud, beautiful stereo. The Hubs stood slack-faced with his ridiculously overpriced pretzel in hand, as I danced about with jazzy hands singing along at top volume.

Our new friends (who invited us) may have even been embarassed.

But at least we got legit Elvis at the market. My mom is going to be sooo jealous.


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  1. Jazzy hands and top volume are THE only way to do it! *knuckle bump* Way to work it!

  2. Boy, I'm sure glad I waited till now to comment, instead of doing it all in a rush exhausted from shuffling furniture around in preparation for the painter. I sort of knew what I was going to say, and I can clearly, CLEARLY! seen now that it would have been highly inappropriate, because it wouldn't have come out right, and the very best that anyone could have thought about the whole darned thing is that all involved were perverts. At best. You see, now that I read it again, calmly, it says something totally different than what I thought it said. Which is what the very best blogs do of course. If someone with the proper training ever reads a few particular posts of mine, I might not ever be allowed out on my own again.

    So, no judging happening here. Not now, and not last night, when I was feeling all witty, or partially so. The fruit on chocolate is the best part of the post and the show. Fruit, especially pineapple, covered with chocolate is totally the bomb. I mind the time at an industry christmas party where me and two women took over a corner between the fruit tray and the chocolate fountain. We probably dropped the chocolate level an inch with our little threesome, out in public and everything. (HA! Who's judging now??)

    But those craft shows are dangerous. I long ago decided that I could go, be miserable in the crowds unless I could find a vendor selling boozed up drinks, watching my wife wander the aisles in some random pattern of her own that is highly inefficient, watching her spend her money on things I don't want. Or, I could stay home, doing what I want to do, staying calm and serene, letting her go deal with the insanity of the crowds, and when she brought home some dust collecting cluttering inducing bit of delusions of crafty-ness, I could find a place for it in the basement on a shelf. Somewhere. I'm running out of basement and shelf space, and the craft sales keep getting bigger. I'm doomed.

    One day I'll have to tell the story of how I won money from some gullible teenagers about Elvis's death.

  3. I so should have been there!!
    Awesome post....thanks for taking me back in time! XO
    MERRY CHRISTMAS from one Elvis Christmas Album lover to another....hehe
    (I will personally apologize to your Hubs)

  4. you always make me smile...and laugh...thanks for that!

    in 20 years or so hubs will not care what you listen to, he will leave the room go to his Mancave and love you just the same...

    17 dollars for a candle? i don't care if it was Canadian or 'merican, that is robbery...

    but Elvis over the STEREO...loud speakers? jimminy cricket and gosh darn golly! awesome...

    i see (from the comment above) that your mom is soooooo jealous...and she should be!

    merry and happy!


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...