Sunday, January 27, 2013

Lost: My Touch

So I've been thinking about what the hell to write about on here for the past few weeks.

I remember back in the day, being selfishly disappointed when a favourite blogger announced they were knocked up and were either:
A) Starting a new, separate mommy blog;
B) Starting a new, separate mommy blog while poorly and sporadically updating their wonderful/funny/expletive-laden current blog;
C) Quitting blogging altogether to harness their energy into raising their soon-to-be snot-nosed little baby.

I initially vowed I would do none of those things.

But you know what? I can't think of a DAMN thing outside of my current pregnancy misery and joy. I didn't want to turn mommy blog. My perverse sense of humour, my horrific language, and my general disdain for most things on earth don't seem to mesh well with a blog about growing life inside of me.

The reality is that I will be the same person no matter what, but at the same time, I can't honestly think of other amusing things to write about.

I have lost most regular readers and commenters. Most of my blog traffic is misplaced searchers, leaving us both sorely disappointed when they search terms like "sexy socks".

I have, quite possibly, lost my touch.

When I leave the house, it's either for house move related things, or else baby things. Doctor's appointments. Prescription refills.

There is a fear that I shouldn't get too invested in relationships here because I will only become a housebound, hermit zombie after this babe is unearthed from my nether regions.

I haven't joined prenatal classes because I have a horrific hernia, I'm a wuss, I'm weak, and the amount of body pains I am experiencing because of the bloody "miracle of birth" is astounding. No one, and I mean NO ONE, even hinted that it could be this hard physically. And I'm only half way there.

So... yeah. A part of me wants to tell other stories. Tell more things about life outside of this. But it just feels like there isn't much to say.

I used to be funny. I think. At least a little. Then the husband stopped laughing when he read my posts. And many readers left. And life carried on.

So... I think I've lost my touch.

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  1. I didn't want mine to turn into a mommy blog, and then a pregnancy loss blog. But then I realized no matter the subjects it's about MY life, and my kids, living and dead, are what is front and center on my mind. Don't censor yourself for labeling sake. Write what's there. You'll lose readers, gain readers, and find yourself again.

    1. @Amelia - I've always appreciated your blog, as well as a friend's who writes "The Biggest Loss". In many ways it makes me feel even worse for being so whiny and frustrated with current things, when I know I should feel damn grateful.

      I feel so torn between what is expected of me, what I should filter for those who know me in real life, and what I actually feel interested in and compelled to write about.

      Thanks for the feedback. :)

      Somewhere I lost the whole point of having this blog.

  2. Your blog is what you make of it. My blog has changed a lot in the 3 years I've had it going. Wherever I am in life, whatever I'm doing, it's a reflection of that. I have lost followers and gained followers. Sometimes I'm funny, sometimes I'm boring, sometimes I'm annoying. Don't think about what "we" your readers expect from you. While we forge "relationships" through our blogs, people are finicky and will move around where their tastes take them. Blog it and they will come. Eventually. (hugs)

    1. @Miss CB - Thanks for that. Since I've read everyone's comments here, wouldn't you know I've had lots of new ideas to write?

      I mean, they probably still aren't great ideas, but at least they are there. Be prepared for lots of mundane posts in the next while. ;)

  3. I've had a bunch of blogs I follow get pregnant. The writer, not the blog. A couple have dropped off the face of blog-dom, though they show up on face book every now and then. I can understand that, raising a kid is hard, and blogging seems awfully optional after that. Another had a second kid. Another couldn't have a second and is very sad about it. Another is due pretty quick now. Another just has twins and HE is the one suffering the most, SHE has it fairly well glued together. I suspect there are a couple more in there. I just hope it isn't something they caught on my blog, unlikely as that might be.

    Blogs are personal writing blither. The best ones are written for the author's own amusement, for their own reasons. Readers are a nice afterthought. So if you want to blog, blog about whatever you want to blog about. Being a mommy if that's what it is. Or don't blog, if blogging makes you unhappy. Writing takes energy, and you have a little vampire growing in you. Sorry to be so graphic.

    My advice, if the advice of a child free guy means anything, is to hang tough with it till you can drink wine again. Life will be better after that, and you might find your blogging voice again. Till then, go with what makes you least unhappy, whether that involves blogging or not.

    1. @Keith - "a little vampire growing in you" = NAILED IT. lol.

      I think I was too wrapped up in my older writing style. Now I will just blog and hopefully it will still be entertaining. It's true that it takes energy - and I just felt so negative towards the blog that it wasn't fun anymore. Since then I have written a few posts in the queue. Hopefully I can keep it up.

      And we are SO having a party when I can drink wine again.


  4. Your blog is your blog. Use it write what you need to write. I am hanging in here and love reading what ever you write.
    Your audience mmight change if your blog does but I am sure that even if your main topic is bubs, you will make it entertaining.
    Babies can provide a heck of a lot of entertainment.

    1. @Mynx - very very good point, Mynx! I will definitely be having a lot more moments that cause an audible "seriously?!?" from my mouth.

      I appreciate your kind words!

  5. Go with what you know, girl. Right now, you know achy boobs, hemorrhoids, and the soon-to-be-loss of all memory through the horrific malady known as mom-brain. Sometimes, you start with one thing, and end up somewhere else----the journey doesn't always lead you to where you thought. (Confucius is a long-lost cousin, can'tcha tell?)

    And believe me, I know a thing or two about changing up the ole blog. I still can't remember my original voice---one thing hasn't changed, and that's my penchant for using the f-bomb.

    1. @FFW - You make it sound so glamorous! Lol.

      I guess I figured I had to clean up my act as a mom. But we all know that I am not a miracle worker and should really just stick to what I know best - foul language!

  6. Hey hey, I kinda take offense at that "lost regular readers" comment ;) I am kidding, of course. Give yourself a break, girl, you've had a busy few months. Go with what you feel and take your time. The world will still be here. Greetings from thawy Europe.

    1. @Chris - Lol, no one specifically, I just see a plummet in my comments and most folks seem to arrive here looking for my poorly labelled images.

      Busy as it has been, I have had more than enough time to write, and I just haven't. I am hoping I have a renewed sense of energy now, but time will tell. A big move coming up, another house to pack, and stress out the anus.

      Thanks for saying hello. :)

  7. Hey, you know, I don't write for months on end and I am NOT pregnant, moving, homeless, or a serial killer (yet). I just go into hermit mode every now and then and then suddenly spend three weeks catching up on all the blogs I missed.

    And based on my friends' experiences, pregnancy is fucking hard.

    You haven't lost your touch. Don't disappear!

    1. @Leauxra - Yes, but your life takes you other more active/less bloaty places!

      Also - just to clarify: I am pregnant, moving, was almost homeless, but have not yet joined the ranks of serial killer (yet, anyway).

      I'm going to just write about anything for now, and see how it goes. Hopefully I still stay interested and don't bore everyone to death.

      And your friends are right. Man, so right.

  8. Why can't you do both? Be vulgar AND a mommy blogger. There's a dearth of authentic mommy blogs out there. Most are sunshine and lollipops oh isn't this amusing shit. Parenting is fucking HARD. And people need to be honest about it because then the rest of us don't have to feel like schmuck assholes when we think this job kinda sucks sometimes.

    You haven't lost your touch. And even if you did, totally blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Or tell people (like they do in the roller derby world) that you're suffering from a 9 month parasitic infection of your uterus.

  9. Hmmmm....maybe part of the dropping off of comments is an issue with the comment box. I've had a couple of problems lately (and it could entirely be my computer and no one else's fault) with being able to comment on blogspot or blogger sites. This is my second attempt at a comment on this post, so we'll see if it actually takes this time.

    Keep doing what you're doing. You're fine. Adventures in pregnancy can be deliciously vulgar, especially if you're willing to share with the world that the magic of pregnancy and child birth is NOT what the mythos projects it to be.

  10. OK, that was weird. I posted a second comment because the first one didn't post, and then when I hit publish, it published the first comment I made that disappeared. Something is seriously fucked up with my computer. But if I don't comment, you know it's an issue with my computer and not a lack of things to say or worse, a lack of interest. I apparently have a voodoo finger... :/


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...