Saturday, September 14, 2013

Insomnia Breeds Insomnia

In the days of my youth, had there been a napping Olympics, I'd have owned that shit hands down. I mean, epic levels of Michael Phelps gold-age. A 20 minute nap was a joke; you'd best give me a minimum of three hours or I could possibly throat punch you.

Ah, the good ole days.

The days of yore.

The days I could sleep.

Now, you all know I am a new mom. But this seems to be entirely independent of that.

Kiddo is sleeping and here I sit. Awake. Staring at the ceiling.

Okay, that's a lie. I'm almost always on my side or my tummy, so it's usually staring at the wall or the goddamn mocking/glaring numbers on the alarm clock.

Deep breathing just makes me dizzy.
I can't keep my mind focused enough to count down from 500.
If I count sheep, I inevitably start thinking about farms and factory farming and vegetarianism and blah blah blah.

Progressive muscle relaxation almost always leaves me with a kink in my neck, or the need to get up and stretch.

I really, REALLY suck at putting myself to bed.

.... and "if the baby doesn't need to eat for another ____ hours"

I do a list of things I need to get done the next day, then toss in the stress of knowing that I won't remember what those tasks are, and that even if I *do* remember, I probably won't have the time/energy/fortitude to get.that.shit.done.

And on the nights when I have the luxury of a dinner out, you bet your ass I am taking in a fountain Coke or Pepsi, and making good use of a free refill policy. You know, because I heard that copious amounts of caffeinated sugar do a body good.


So. Here I sit at 2am. My uterus hurts. My body is tired. My mind won't shut the f_ck up.

I suppose I will take comfort in the fact that I've managed to purchase a Halloween costume, lumbar pillow, Christmas present, milk cooler bag and cell phone cover online today. That is some type of lame ass accomplishment, right? (Hubby - if you are reading this, no, I have no idea what those charges are from ebay and that deal site. Nope. No idea. Carry on as you were).

How do you fall asleep when your mind is as active as Miley Cyrus' butt?

Pin It Now!


  1. i stopped drinking soda. switched to green tea stuff that lipton makes in the valiant effort to cut aspartame out of my diet. sadly, aspartame is in, like, EVERYFUCKINGTHING in the world. so i may not be cutting it OUT, but i'm cutting it DOWN.

    having said that, i used to never nap. even in high school, when teens are notorious for sleeping all day, i would be up by 9am at the latest. i would wake up hours before my friends at sleepovers and either hide in a corner reading or go talk to their parents. the last few weeks, i could join the nap olympics. fatigue is annoying because i never get anything done. but people always think insomniacs get everything done because they have so much time - it's a lie. your brain gets so stupid overtired that you can't get anything done.

    i feel for you and your uterus :( shouldn't that bitch have calmed down yet? (your uterus. not, you know . the baby.)

  2. Sometimes I can't shut my mind off, either. Very annoying. Sometimes what helps me is just counting 1 and 2. It's not a deep breathing exercise or anything. I breathe I count 1. I breathe out I count 2. And repeat. It's boring yes. But it keeps my mind focused on that instead of the shit I need to get done, which bill will get to win the "bill lottery" this month, and will have enough gas until payday. Sometimes my mind overrides the count 1 and 2 and I starts thinking of other shit. But I just start over. Best thing? You can't lose count and you shouldn't reach the point where you start thinking about farms, etc.

  3. Insomnia sucks, though at least I knew why I had it; fallout from shift work.

    You can't make mental lists trying to fall asleep. You have to write them down. If listing works, its because your mind is reassured that you aren't going to forget. When that thought rears up again, you can tell it, "I wrote you down, and will deal with it when the stores open."

    Once I decide I'm not going to sleep, no matter how tired I feel I'll get up and do something. Read. Stalk the cats. Sometimes trying to sleep somewhere else works.

    On the physical side, well, you're a new mom. That could have a lot to do with it. For sure the quacks will tell you that if you go see one, because it's the easiest way to get you out of their office. Not to mention writing you a prescription for either a sugar pill, or some expensive medication for their big pharma buddies. Bah! Sugar is the obvious culprit, but there might be other things setting you off as well. Try keeping a journal (Yeah, like a new mom has time to write anything down) of what and when you eat in relation to bed time, and how you sleep. Or not. Maybe, just maybe, it's that garlic and onion on peanut butter sandwich right before bed that is doing it.

  4. Stephanie, we'd like to invite you to become one of our Authors in Alexandria. This invitation has been extended to you by email as well.

    In addition to posting on anything you wish, as you desire, you may of course mirror posts you've already written from here or elsewhere to gain a different or additional audience or for any other reason that appeals to you.

    If you think you might be interested, contact me through Alexandria or by return email via this comment and I'll forward our formal invitations for you to look over and return if you decide to proceed.

    Come contribute your perspectives and opinions to the ongoing conversations there or, even better, start some new - and different - ones of your own.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    H. M. Stuart

  5. I used to be an insomniac (still am when I don't follow my own advice) and honestly?
    The best tips I have (but don't follow half the time) are:
    -avoid caffiene after 5pm
    -try to have at least an hour away from technology before you sleep (read and such)
    -plenty of physical exercise (not saying you don't get it haha I'm sure you do with a kid)
    -try keeping a journal to get all the thoughts out of your head before you sleep.


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...