Insomnia Breeds Insomnia

In the days of my youth, had there been a napping Olympics, I'd have owned that shit hands down. I mean, epic levels of Michael Phelps gold-age. A 20 minute nap was a joke; you'd best give me a minimum of three hours or I could possibly throat punch you.

Ah, the good ole days.

The days of yore.

The days I could sleep.

Now, you all know I am a new mom. But this seems to be entirely independent of that.

Kiddo is sleeping and here I sit. Awake. Staring at the ceiling.

Okay, that's a lie. I'm almost always on my side or my tummy, so it's usually staring at the wall or the goddamn mocking/glaring numbers on the alarm clock.

Deep breathing just makes me dizzy.
I can't keep my mind focused enough to count down from 500.
If I count sheep, I inevitably start thinking about farms and factory farming and vegetarianism and blah blah blah.

Progressive muscle relaxation almost always leaves me with a kink in my neck, or the need to get up and stretch.

I really, REALLY suck at putting myself to bed.

.... and "if the baby doesn't need to eat for another ____ hours"

I do a list of things I need to get done the next day, then toss in the stress of knowing that I won't remember what those tasks are, and that even if I *do* remember, I probably won't have the time/energy/fortitude to get.that.shit.done.

And on the nights when I have the luxury of a dinner out, you bet your ass I am taking in a fountain Coke or Pepsi, and making good use of a free refill policy. You know, because I heard that copious amounts of caffeinated sugar do a body good.

Amirite?

So. Here I sit at 2am. My uterus hurts. My body is tired. My mind won't shut the f_ck up.

I suppose I will take comfort in the fact that I've managed to purchase a Halloween costume, lumbar pillow, Christmas present, milk cooler bag and cell phone cover online today. That is some type of lame ass accomplishment, right? (Hubby - if you are reading this, no, I have no idea what those charges are from ebay and that deal site. Nope. No idea. Carry on as you were).

How do you fall asleep when your mind is as active as Miley Cyrus' butt?

_________

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The Importance of Followers & Comments

I read on another blog how important it is for there to be commenting and active dialogue between the blogger and the readers, so that it isn't so much one-sided storytelling.

I hope that those of you who come across my blog will be kind enough to "follow" me (to the right)

*shameless self promotion*

so that I feel that more than just BF and my friend J. are watching and reading me out there in the scary, vast, lonely interwebs.

I welcome any and all comments (including but not limited to - "you're effing nuts", "where can I purchase my own banana guns?", any and all theories on dogs and their fascination with the taste sensation known as poop [technically called "Coprophagia"], why I am so wrong about Michael B., requests for all of my personal banking information an pin numbers as well as helping princesses and diplomats from abroad via email who only need a few thousand dollars up front to make me rich).


EDIT: I didn't realize that you previously had to be 'registered' to comment. I have fixed it so that any shy folk out there can feel free to comment anonymously. Just don't be mean please.

While I am CLEARLY new to the blogosphere (that sounds really web-geeky but I still won't backspace and delete it... because I am bada-.... lazy), any and all support you guys can provide is appreciated.

I would also like to stress the importance of not drinking caffeinated beverages right before bed time, especially if you are on a strict, caffeine-free diet. Because that will almost CERTAINLY result in insomnia, somewhat-desperate sounding appeals for blog followers, and potentially beating your highest score ever on Word Bubbles after many many many many attempts! (Which sounds kind of fun, but really isn't right now).

It's hard to be taken seriously on this blog with my stunning good looks....

Okay, time to try to pretend to sleep. Work is going to be painful tomorrow.... Pin It Now!