Showing posts with label Christmas is in December dammit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas is in December dammit. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Warm Light Reminiscing

1 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
Warm Light Reminiscing

I've seen a smattering of Christmas lights around these here parts, and I tell ya, things just aren't the same as they used to be.

My elderly (mid-30s) eyes can't take the searing eyeball-piercing blue LED lights. Squinting in pain does not typically result in Christmas cheer for this ole gal.

Festive?  Yes.  Bright?  Yes.  But not cozy or warm. Kind of eye assaulting, though brownie points for execution.


I miss the old days of not-grounded electrical plugs that could/did shock the shit out of you. The kind that felt mildly like Russian Roulette as you plugged them in near the watery, murky water in your Christmas tree stand.

The kind of strings of lights that were a warm, comforting glow. Especially glowy when they heated up so much they either burned your fingertips off while decorating/stringing, or else melded many-a-fake branch together on the tree.

The kind firefighters lose sleep over in the Christmas months.

I loved the smell of smoldering synthetic pine needles becoming one with the lovely lights draped upon them. It WAS CHRISTMAS, Goddammit.

Okay, I'm not a total asshole. This kind of thing is actually pretty horrific, and has led to real tragedy. I don't miss the danger, just the comforting glow.


Now, I maybe, MAYBE (obviously) can see why there was a shift to those, I dunno, let's call them "safe" and energy efficient lights. I see they may have their place in the world these days. I maybe wouldn't use those old, cozy lights if you paid me a shit ton of money because I don't want harm to come to my loved ones, or to my house. But I still miss 'em.

I miss that warm, rosy glow. I miss REAL white light (that actually glows a soft yellow), and a true red, and a soft blue that doesn't feel like it's sticking it's pretend tongue down my eyeball-throat without asking first.

I've always felt like decorations just don't fill the cold, jaded cockles of my heart any more since the old went out, and the safe came in and replaced it.

And before you start telling me that they make new and improved LED lights that don't suck AS MUCH, I'd just like to say that I don't usually see them after Christmas, when I buy my lights and decorations at 75% off, thankyouverymuch.

Ah well.

At least there's snow. Oh, wait, I live in BC.
At least there's rain? No, that doesn't work.

At least there's Santa? Um... Shit.

Fuck it. Christmas is cancelled here.


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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Christmas Now? No. Just... No.

14 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
So...

I was shopping for teddy bears as wedding gifts at the start of October, and damned if the next aisle over wasn't Christmas wrapping paper and decorations.

Just... no.

I'm pretty sure that Christmas is relegated to December. De-mother-effing-cember. That means the stores are allowing 20% of the year to be Christmas. Just... no.

There were Christmas commercials on at the local drug store today. And, in fact, I heard some in a department store on the weekend. It was October. Halloween hadn't even happened yet.

Another piss off - why are so many Halloween costumes just a pretense to dress provocatively? Seriously? There is so much T & A, it's hard to compete!


Admittedly, Christmas is not my favourite holiday, for a multitude of reasons. But I STILL think that shit is overkill (the music and decorations, not the costume).

Where's the specialness of Christmas carols when it's drilled into your head for TWO to THREE ENTIRE MONTHS before the actual day? For that reason alone, I don't think I could survive a career in retail, unless I was stocking shelves and allowed to wear an MP3 player.

Just... damn. No.

Let there be snow! Let it be closer to the holidays, when it will feel special! Don't buy into the commercialism bullshit. There is no perfect gift, the kids will always want more, and your Dad will NEVER give you gift ideas, but will instead buy car parts before Christmas, thereby allowing you to contribute to the car fund, less inundate him with even MORE Swiss Chalet restaurant gift cards.

But I digress.

via


Let Christmas start in December. Hell, December 10th. (The new Husband stated that date, and I like it.)

All this early holiday aural/visual assault just jades me more and turns my lip  farther  up in a sneer.

Bah Humbug.

I think I am in love with Mark Lawrence, of the UK. He's my hero. This is his brilliance.  Check out his website here.


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