I have decided that the following must occur in order to have a fun wedding.
Anything less will result in
severe disappointment:
- A flash mob must break out in the surrounding park, or at the reception.
- I must be able to drink as much as I want, but still only remain 'buzzed' and coherent, so as to remember the night.
- There should, nay, MUST, be people on flying trapeze. I don't care where, just within eyesight.
- I expect Michael Jackson to be there. Motherf*cking moon walking. I don't care how it happens, it just needs to happen.
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| Like this, with more Michael Jackson, less headband, and more safety for the surrounding children. |
- Elvis should arrive in time to sing my parents' song.
- I really hope the speeches are good/heartwarming/loving/filled with minimal content that is extremely embarrassing.
- My friend must break out an x-rated rendition of "I Like Big Butts", complete with dance moves.
- My dress should have a built in hoist in order to facilitate toilet usage.
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| Add some ribbon and lace and that should do the trick... |
- All of my body hair must miraculously fall off the day before the wedding, except for my eyebrows and the hair on my head.
- And, finally, I hope to find the right balance between a romantic updo hairstyle and that of the Bride of Frankenstein... as well as subtle-but-flattering make-up vs. waxen whore vs. Jim Carrey's "The Mask".
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| Why So Serious, Eva Longoria? |
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Or:
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| You know, a nice, soft, natural look... |
See? I'm easy to please. No weding diva here. Nope. Not at all.
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