Goddammit, orange juice, people!

Just for the record, orange juice should be sipped and savoured.

Not gulped. Not chugged.

If it has pulp (which it should), you should be chewing that shit, making the beverage last even longer.

Don't even try to deny it.

If you buy pulp-free, I don't think we can be internet friends any more (subject to review).

I almost broke up with the then-BF when he happily returned from the store with PULP FREE OJ.

Oh, the horror!

When a beverage has that many calories and tastes that good, anything other than slow enjoyment is not an option.


What's that you say?

Why yes, yes I do enjoy blogging about orange juice on a Friday night.
And yes, I do find myself very social, normal and hip.

BWHAHAHAH.

Whatever, I'll blame it on the horrendous sinus infection/sneezing/head cold/cough.


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Worst Motivational Fitness Video EVAR

So, there are things that I should be doing right now.

Important things... things like exercising, planning, bathing, maybe even eating.

Crazy, I know.

I figured I would do a blog post instead, on the worst possible motivational fitness video ever.

When I am in a fitness class, I have to be honest, I expect a fit-looking instructor. I don't mean to piss anyone off, but if teaching exercise classes is your job, and you are overweight, then OBVIOUSLY your routines aren't that effective. And you don't motivate me. I am a bitch, but still.

On the other hand, you've got "Dancer's Body, Buns Hips & Thighs" by Tracey Mallett. (Before you ask, no, this is not a paid review, this was me slugging my ass to her video that I rented for free through the library).

Yeah, yeah, it was the "quick" method, but would you expect anything more less from me?  Source

Now, Tracey is great and cute with her accent. My issue is with pinky in the back. Pinky is anorexic as hell. Go ahead and defend, but this girl had a concave stomach. It made me feel sick.

I don't think an exercise video should do that.

THINGS AN EXERCISE VIDEO SHOULD DO:

• Make you aware that you are out of shape? Sure.
• Make you feel like you have so much work ahead of you to get in better shape? Likely.
• Make you feel motivated to strive to maybe, possibly look like the slightly overweight second cousin of the instructor who still eats cupcakes regularly  instructor? I'd hope so.
• Make you regret that orange juice you had before you started working out? For sure.

But... Make me feel fat, gross and disgusted by the thinness of one of the exercisers? HELLS NO!

Exhibit #1:

SO, so wrong. Am I jealous still? Fuck yeah! Maybe? Of course not! Okay, yes, a little.

Correct me if I'm wrong Believe every damn word I am saying, when I say I know anorexia when I see it.

This video didn't motivate me. It made me grab a box of cookies and cry in the fetal position, knowing that absolutely NO quick blast method of any sort (dynamite included) could whittle me away to those proportions. Ack.

[Edit: check her out for yourself:  0:38, 1:18 and 2:57 are good examples

]

I say, Team Jillian Michaels all the way. Even if she uses skinny beyotches, they are ripped and HEALTHY looking.

Exhibit #2:

Yeah, I'd do her. I mean. Uh.. WOW! She's fit!   Source

Okay, my rant is done. For now.


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