So, have you ever accidentally skipped a Saturday's worth of brow plucking... only to realize in your tacky mirrored closet doors in the bright sunlight (as you let the dogs outside) that you have somehow morphed into a woolly mammoth?
If you said no, you're a fucking liar.
Or a dude.
Also? The person who invented the 5-times or 10-times magnification mirror is one sadistic motherfucker.
Have you ever had a day where you kicked some ass at work and felt great? Did a workshop and felt like you accomplished a lot? Had fun being a social butterfly, gettin' out there, feeling good? Then looked in one of those goddamn mirrors?
GAH.
Some things are just not meant to be seen that close up. Or in high definition.
Moments like this make me wish that:
A) I had a home waxing kit
B) I had the balls to actually use the wax and personally, painfully tear it off of my face without losing flesh
C) Spend my life savings on total body laser hair removal. Give or take a few regions.
I'm pretty sure that I need that dude that drives the blade-sharpening truck around the neighbourhood (with creepy music) to help restore what once was back to my tweezers. They are currently shuddering in the bathroom drawer.
You know the guy... he preys on suckers like me and Feyoncé™ who are all green 'n shit and use a push blade mower. You'd recognize our house by the uneven, patchy grass and general inability to cut down that wheat grass weedy-shizz.
Anyway, gonna have to set "tweeze" as a recurrent event in the ol' Google calendar. With reminders. Reminders, people.
Next thing I know, my nose hair is going to stake it's own country on my face. Fuck.
Whatever. It makes it more of a challenge to see my real beauty.
Just bring your machetes, bitches.
;-)
____
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If you said no, you're a fucking liar.
Or a dude.
 |
| Approximation. Slightly less tusk-y. |
Also? The person who invented the 5-times or 10-times magnification mirror is one sadistic motherfucker.
Have you ever had a day where you kicked some ass at work and felt great? Did a workshop and felt like you accomplished a lot? Had fun being a social butterfly, gettin' out there, feeling good? Then looked in one of those goddamn mirrors?
GAH.
Some things are just not meant to be seen that close up. Or in high definition.
 |
| Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. Just IMAGINE his EAR HAIR! |
Moments like this make me wish that:
A) I had a home waxing kit
B) I had the balls to actually use the wax and personally, painfully tear it off of my face without losing flesh
C) Spend my life savings on total body laser hair removal. Give or take a few regions.
I'm pretty sure that I need that dude that drives the blade-sharpening truck around the neighbourhood (with creepy music) to help restore what once was back to my tweezers. They are currently shuddering in the bathroom drawer.
You know the guy... he preys on suckers like me and Feyoncé™ who are all green 'n shit and use a push blade mower. You'd recognize our house by the uneven, patchy grass and general inability to cut down that wheat grass weedy-shizz.
Anyway, gonna have to set "tweeze" as a recurrent event in the ol' Google calendar. With reminders. Reminders, people.
Next thing I know, my nose hair is going to stake it's own country on my face. Fuck.
 |
| But with more flag... (image) |
Whatever. It makes it more of a challenge to see my real beauty.
Just bring your machetes, bitches.
;-)
____