Did You Hear? Apparently I'm Rich...

I know I wow you all with stories of dog doo, my exploits of staying awake past 11pm, and my fear of Walmart employees smoking beside the propane machine, but I have news for you.

Apparently, I am LOADED.

And not loaded off of Skinny Girl Sangria. No, my dear friends, not THAT good kind of loaded.

I mean, I clearly must make huge bank. Be rolling in dough. I think I should be wiping my butt with twoonies. Hell, twenties.

Why, you ask?

Because I can afford THIS:

My sexy thumb, for scale. And I think that is mothereffing barley which has gluten.

What's that you say?

"What's the big deal?"

Well... in my foolish attempt to secure a low-cost meal option at the grocery store, I decided to get the medium size of bean salad. Thinking it was sold by the size (like the horrendous greasy potato wedges I ALSO ate), I picked the middle of the road.

AND WAS HORRIFIED when I saw the label right before I was rung through the cash.

BEANS ARE HEAVY.

I am sure your bowels can agree with me on this one. So when sold by the weight...
 

What, is there Grey Poupon in there or something? WTF?

Seriously? REALLY? For bean salad (with or without a fancy name label)? SERIOUSLY? 

F_ck.


All I could think of was this:




Talk about brilliant marketing. Add some vinegar, olive oil, and salad counter leftovers, and mark the price up TEN TIMES. I assumed once it was scooped and labelled it was mine, so I didn't ask her to put it back.

I even had all the f_cking ingredients at home.You know, except for the effort part.

So don't hate.

Also? Don't order the large unless you are having Cristal champagne and having your driver take you home in your Rolls Royce/Hummer limousine hybrid.

Seriously.

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Remember when I said I was at the library...?

Yeah... so... I took the puppy (who really isn't a puppy any longer) on a walk today, despite my foot pain and better judgement.

I've been switching them over to new food to help prevent the already-into-the-thousands vet and food bills we had from January and February combined. This new fancy-pants "Blue" sensitive stomach food contains only turkey and potato, so hopefully no bad reactions.

Well, the switchover is resulting in soft just-try-and-clean-me-up poops.

(I know, I know, this blog revolves far too much around dog poop, dog poop consistency, and all things dog poop related).

Anyway, DVDs in hand to return to the library (what, you thought I checked out books at the library?? Good one!), Ella the dog decides to take a huge liqui-poo on the boulevard.

Oh. HAI.

I grab one of my THREE poop bags (you never know, I swear she stores them up for her walks) and try to clean it up. I failed miserably.

I may or may not have gotten poo on my left hand. There may or may not be a touch of dog poo in the top corner of the DVD case that went back to the library. I may or may not have tried to clean it out with a dead husk of something in the grassed area that leads to the library drop boxes. I may or may not have succeeded in getting it all.

You may want to wash your hands a lot if you check something out from the library because you just NEVER know...

Hey, be glad I spared you poop pictures this round!

 P.S. If you want to read my product review of Burt's Bees Sensitive Skin Care Cleanser and Daily Moisturizer, it's right here. If you'd rather leave me a comment about dog poo, that's cool, too.
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Trifecta - Lost

I found a fabulous new blogger who I have added to my blogroll (Amelia), who introduced me to Trifecta, a writing challenge for the weekend.

"This weekend's challenge is to write a story entitled 'Lost' in exactly 33 words. The word 'lost' can only appear in the title, not your 33 words."

LOST.

The course of the girl's life, forever changed.
Trusting, foolishly.
Making regrettable choices.
Someone else's viciousness
Cannot take her self worth, intelligence.
Destroyed before starting.
Never forgotten. Never forgiving.
Often scared.
Forever scarred.





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