That Moment: Feta

That moment when you are eating pizza, you look down and see some crumbled feta that you pop into your mouth... only to quickly discover it is, in fact, a chunk of your strawberry scented Lady Speed Stick deodorant.

Clutch.


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Remember when I said I was at the library...?

Yeah... so... I took the puppy (who really isn't a puppy any longer) on a walk today, despite my foot pain and better judgement.

I've been switching them over to new food to help prevent the already-into-the-thousands vet and food bills we had from January and February combined. This new fancy-pants "Blue" sensitive stomach food contains only turkey and potato, so hopefully no bad reactions.

Well, the switchover is resulting in soft just-try-and-clean-me-up poops.

(I know, I know, this blog revolves far too much around dog poop, dog poop consistency, and all things dog poop related).

Anyway, DVDs in hand to return to the library (what, you thought I checked out books at the library?? Good one!), Ella the dog decides to take a huge liqui-poo on the boulevard.

Oh. HAI.

I grab one of my THREE poop bags (you never know, I swear she stores them up for her walks) and try to clean it up. I failed miserably.

I may or may not have gotten poo on my left hand. There may or may not be a touch of dog poo in the top corner of the DVD case that went back to the library. I may or may not have tried to clean it out with a dead husk of something in the grassed area that leads to the library drop boxes. I may or may not have succeeded in getting it all.

You may want to wash your hands a lot if you check something out from the library because you just NEVER know...

Hey, be glad I spared you poop pictures this round!

 P.S. If you want to read my product review of Burt's Bees Sensitive Skin Care Cleanser and Daily Moisturizer, it's right here. If you'd rather leave me a comment about dog poo, that's cool, too.
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"Roast Drippings" = Turkey Bath Water

I just saw a commercial for Turkey gravy additive.

All you do is use the Club House mix and "add in roast drippings".

BLECH.

All the fat and hunks of fatty flesh just plop out of the turkey pan into the gravy boat.

All I can imagine is the dirty bath water after the turkey's been in there for a while. It's leg hairs from shaving. The remnants of it's bath fizz. A few errant feathers (you know how they always clog up the drain).

A vegetarian mind works so much differently than a "normal" brain.

Roast drippings is just a nice way to say "grossness left in the pan.... possibly fecal matter. EAT UP!"



Having said that, I'm off to drink a Dr. Pepper for breakfast, and think about possibly eating real food. But food that doesn't contain roast drippings, just so we're clear.

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Washroom Issues - An Actual Email To My Male Co-Workers

An actual email I sent to my male co-workers with whom I share a washroom. (I'm working on some other posts, but need to get my ass to bed.) You may note I have been on a washroom-related streak lately. Perhaps I need some psychological counselling on that one. Just trying to provide you with a little life
humor

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Email
TO: Office Staff


Hi Y'all.

This needs to be said.

Please lift the seat when you pee. There was piss all over the seat when I just went in there, along with poo remnants.

This was not in the original email... I included it just for YOU!!  Image Source

I had to plunge the toilet to flush after only peeing. (That might be the fault of the cleaning lady - apparently she flushes large stuff down toilets instead of just throwing shizz out).

Moral of the story:

• Please lift the seat to pee, even if you think you have awesome aim ('cause you don't and/or you have bad eyes).
• NOTE: You may end up sitting in your own pee if you use the washroom next time for a "non-pee".
• If the toilet is clogged, please don't pretend it isn't happening - the plunger is right there. Just push that sucker down over the drain hole. It WILL work. I usually rinse it in the sink or shower then leave it in the shower to dry off (yes we have a shower at our work, it's a weird, long story).
• I will ask our receptionist to tell the cleaning lady again not to flush crazy stuff down the toilet! (My understanding is that this has happened many times before on the Friday morning after cleaning night).
• WASH YOUR HANDS! With SOAP! (and if you don't, then don't even bother using water alone. Instead, use the toilet with the door open so you don't dirty stuff and we don't have to touch the dirty taps and dirty doorknob). I will forward this to [Company Owner] to ensure your expense cheques are held back if you do not comply with this new rule.
• TELL [DIRTY SUBCONTRACTOR GUY WE USE] to WASH HIS HANDS! Seriously - time the toilet flush to the door opening. Sounds like he doesn't even fasten his pants.
• If you pee on the seat - wipe it up! At least it is your own pee! It is super disgusting if I have to do it. Especially if there is unintended seepage on that toilet paper wipe of the seat. I don't want Office-Guy-Pee on my fingers! Grossness!!
• Soon I will be enforcing random full body sanitizer, using pails of hand sanitizing gel. You will not be forewarned as to the date and time. (It will be like when the sports team wins the game and the coach gets the cooler surprisingly poured onto him. Consider yourself warned).

There may be some humour and sarcasm in here. There is definitely some seriousness. Please note which one is which.

Thank you and have a good weekend.

Stephanie

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