Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Washroom Issues - An Actual Email To My Male Co-Workers

An actual email I sent to my male co-workers with whom I share a washroom. (I'm working on some other posts, but need to get my ass to bed.) You may note I have been on a washroom-related streak lately. Perhaps I need some psychological counselling on that one. Just trying to provide you with a little


TO: Office Staff

Hi Y'all.
This needs to be said.
Please lift the seat when you pee. There was piss all over the seat when I just went in there, along with poo remnants.

This was not in the original email... I included it just for YOU!!  Image Source
I had to plunge the toilet to flush after only peeing. (That might be the fault of the cleaning lady - apparently she flushes large stuff down toilets instead of just throwing shizz out).
Moral of the story:
  • Please lift the seat to pee, even if you think you have awesome aim ('cause you don't and/or you have bad eyes).
  • NOTE: You may end up sitting in your own pee if you use the washroom next time for a "non-pee".
  • If the toilet is clogged, please don't pretend it isn't happening - the plunger is right there. Just push that sucker down over the drain hole. It WILL work. I usually rinse it in the sink or shower then leave it in the shower to dry off (yes we have a shower at our work, it's a weird, long story).
  • I will ask our receptionist to tell the cleaning lady again not to flush crazy stuff down the toilet! (My understanding is that this has happened many times before on the Friday morning after cleaning night).
  • WASH YOUR HANDS! With SOAP! (and if you don't, then don't even bother using water alone. Instead, use the toilet with the door open so you don't dirty stuff and we don't have to touch the dirty taps and dirty doorknob). I will forward this to [Company Owner] to ensure your expense cheques are held back if you do not comply with this new rule.
  • TELL [DIRTY SUBCONTRACTOR GUY WE USE] to WASH HIS HANDS! Seriously - time the toilet flush to the door opening. Sounds like he doesn't even fasten his pants.
  • If you pee on the seat - wipe it up! At least it is your own pee! It is super disgusting if I have to do it. Especially if there is unintended seepage on that toilet paper wipe of the seat. I don't want Office-Guy-Pee on my fingers! Grossness!!
  • Soon I will be enforcing random full body sanitizer, using pails of hand sanitizing gel. You will not be forewarned as to the date and time. (It will be like when the sports team wins the game and the coach gets the cooler surprisingly poured onto him. Consider yourself warned).
There may be some humour and sarcasm in here. There is definitely some seriousness. Please note which one is which.
Thank you and have a good weekend.
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  1. It is beyond amazing and effing disgusting just how nasty some people really are. In my last office there was a woman who NEVER washed her hands, trailed the toilet paper out into the middle of the bathroom floor and stank half the office up with her shit bombs. You'd think she was raised in a barn. I feel for you girlfriend! Hopefully your co-workers will finally get a clue. If not, start taking photos after they 'mess up' the bathroom and then tape them up on their office doors or cubicles. Nothing like publically outing the culprits.

  2. Whoa. Sometimes these things just have to be said. --.--"

    -Barb the French Bean

  3. I'd like to post this in the washroom at work. I think we work with the same people.

  4. It needed to be said! I work in a very public building with large public bathrooms so privacy is pretty much out the window unless you walk all the way down to the little bathroom at the back of the building (yes, I do.. all the time).

    So when so many people are using the bathroom you have no idea who the slobs are.. frustrating.


  5. Eww... Unisex bathrooms are never a good idea. There are some things best left to the imagination.

    Just so you realize it's not just you who feels this way:

  6. I think every public restroom needs a copy of this letter posted.

  7. *The Empress - glad that woman was in your 'last' office, assuming that means you don't have to deal with her stink any more. One person in our office pooped on the floor a bit, I don't know how, and I tried to clean it but gagged too much and gave up. NAAASTY.

    *Barb the French Bean - Just for the record, I think it PISSED most of them off (see what I did there?!!? HA!)

    *KRL kaprileader - YAY TO 40! (That was "$)" originally because I was still holding shift). I'm curious as to the "though"...
    Thanks for commenting.

    *George Wells - i THOUGHT you looked familiar!! Feel free to print and dispense as necessary. Or "accidentally" forward this link to your office. lol. And thanks for commenting.

    *Simple Dude - i'd make that walk, too, if I could. But our office is small, and there are nasty poopers in all three washrooms. The female-only one has had disturbing poo remnants and shady lighting, leaving me the unisex as the least nasty option.

    *Tom G. - hi Tom G.! I read your post. However, I still think that urine on the seat is no good in real life OR if left only to the imagination. ;-) And thanks for commenting.

    *Jumble Mash - let's go viral and start spreading the word! At least those who are literate may try to aim better? Think we have a chance? And thanks for commenting.

    *Martina - what woman wants to sit down onto a wet splattered seat. Gross. Even if I do my best wipe down with paper, water and soap, I leave knowing some dude's pee remnants are still somewhere on my lower body. Blech. Time to HOVER PEE.


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...