Friday Freebie: Puppy + Laptop + Ebay

Here is the first (and last? who knows) installment of ~*Friday Freebies*~.

This is where I dole out useless shitty tips for your okay, mostly my own  amusement.

This Friday? Combined laptop and puppy management.

You are welcome in advance for the sound quality and my annoying talk-to-puppy-voice.



Happy Friday!

And thanks to all 2 of you who will actually WATCH the video~!

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I Slayed The Butterfinger!

Oh yeah. Corn, dairy, gluten, wheat, and nuts be damned.

Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger(s).

I tried one of these when was in the U.S.A. many years ago in my youth, (because who could resist Bart Simpson's marketing tactics? And skateboard?) and I fell in love. Hard. Not with him, with the mighty Butterfinger.

Well, I learned last year that my deeply detested, self-loathing-inducer beloved Walmart carries these bad boys in "mini" size at Halloween. Oooooooh Baby. I bought three bags. (Okay, and one bag BEFORE Halloween).

Aaaaah Butterfinger........ *shudder*

Okay, side note, I totally googled "orgasm face" and found this picture immediately. This girl LOOKS like me, appears to have a mark where a nose ring would be (where mine USED to be) and has similar ear piercings in the same spots (but my third lower one is now defunct). If I didn't know any better, I would seriously think this was me. But it is not. Seriously, really, seriously. I even have two yellow towels like that. Day-um.

That also reminds me - I found this naked-artsy picture once and told a friend it was me. It LOOKS like it could have been me. But again, it is not. If I find it, I will post it for you. Because I am sure that would interest you. You pervs.

The partial aftermath (this was bag #2 remnants). (No, this is not the artsy nude photo in my likeness. Though I see how you might confuse a that and a pretty pink trash bag).

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I force fed BF perhaps 10 at best. I gave my dad one at a hockey game. I also gave my niece one. I bought three bags of 30 count. That means that approximately 78 of these bastards are making their way (albeit painfully) through my digestive tract, with a direct endgoal of my ass/saddlebaggage.

Stupid lack of self-control + 50% off candy + Bart Simpson + Mmmmmmm chocolate.

I am finally (supposedly) going back to blond(er) tomorrow. Wish me luck because we all know how well salon and spa experiences tend to work out for me.

I hope these babies don't decide to revolt or make some sort of statement while I am sitting in a salon chair with crazy ass foils all over the place at the mall. (Why ARE mall bathrooms always so far away, no matter where you are in the mall??!)

I digress. And by digress I mean "publish, go to bed, and don't look back."



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Washroom Issues - An Actual Email To My Male Co-Workers

An actual email I sent to my male co-workers with whom I share a washroom. (I'm working on some other posts, but need to get my ass to bed.) You may note I have been on a washroom-related streak lately. Perhaps I need some psychological counselling on that one. Just trying to provide you with a little life
humor

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Email
TO: Office Staff


Hi Y'all.

This needs to be said.

Please lift the seat when you pee. There was piss all over the seat when I just went in there, along with poo remnants.

This was not in the original email... I included it just for YOU!!  Image Source

I had to plunge the toilet to flush after only peeing. (That might be the fault of the cleaning lady - apparently she flushes large stuff down toilets instead of just throwing shizz out).

Moral of the story:

• Please lift the seat to pee, even if you think you have awesome aim ('cause you don't and/or you have bad eyes).
• NOTE: You may end up sitting in your own pee if you use the washroom next time for a "non-pee".
• If the toilet is clogged, please don't pretend it isn't happening - the plunger is right there. Just push that sucker down over the drain hole. It WILL work. I usually rinse it in the sink or shower then leave it in the shower to dry off (yes we have a shower at our work, it's a weird, long story).
• I will ask our receptionist to tell the cleaning lady again not to flush crazy stuff down the toilet! (My understanding is that this has happened many times before on the Friday morning after cleaning night).
• WASH YOUR HANDS! With SOAP! (and if you don't, then don't even bother using water alone. Instead, use the toilet with the door open so you don't dirty stuff and we don't have to touch the dirty taps and dirty doorknob). I will forward this to [Company Owner] to ensure your expense cheques are held back if you do not comply with this new rule.
• TELL [DIRTY SUBCONTRACTOR GUY WE USE] to WASH HIS HANDS! Seriously - time the toilet flush to the door opening. Sounds like he doesn't even fasten his pants.
• If you pee on the seat - wipe it up! At least it is your own pee! It is super disgusting if I have to do it. Especially if there is unintended seepage on that toilet paper wipe of the seat. I don't want Office-Guy-Pee on my fingers! Grossness!!
• Soon I will be enforcing random full body sanitizer, using pails of hand sanitizing gel. You will not be forewarned as to the date and time. (It will be like when the sports team wins the game and the coach gets the cooler surprisingly poured onto him. Consider yourself warned).

There may be some humour and sarcasm in here. There is definitely some seriousness. Please note which one is which.

Thank you and have a good weekend.

Stephanie

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