Washroom Issues - An Actual Email To My Male Co-Workers

An actual email I sent to my male co-workers with whom I share a washroom. (I'm working on some other posts, but need to get my ass to bed.) You may note I have been on a washroom-related streak lately. Perhaps I need some psychological counselling on that one. Just trying to provide you with a little life
humor

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Email
TO: Office Staff


Hi Y'all.

This needs to be said.

Please lift the seat when you pee. There was piss all over the seat when I just went in there, along with poo remnants.

This was not in the original email... I included it just for YOU!!  Image Source

I had to plunge the toilet to flush after only peeing. (That might be the fault of the cleaning lady - apparently she flushes large stuff down toilets instead of just throwing shizz out).

Moral of the story:

• Please lift the seat to pee, even if you think you have awesome aim ('cause you don't and/or you have bad eyes).
• NOTE: You may end up sitting in your own pee if you use the washroom next time for a "non-pee".
• If the toilet is clogged, please don't pretend it isn't happening - the plunger is right there. Just push that sucker down over the drain hole. It WILL work. I usually rinse it in the sink or shower then leave it in the shower to dry off (yes we have a shower at our work, it's a weird, long story).
• I will ask our receptionist to tell the cleaning lady again not to flush crazy stuff down the toilet! (My understanding is that this has happened many times before on the Friday morning after cleaning night).
• WASH YOUR HANDS! With SOAP! (and if you don't, then don't even bother using water alone. Instead, use the toilet with the door open so you don't dirty stuff and we don't have to touch the dirty taps and dirty doorknob). I will forward this to [Company Owner] to ensure your expense cheques are held back if you do not comply with this new rule.
• TELL [DIRTY SUBCONTRACTOR GUY WE USE] to WASH HIS HANDS! Seriously - time the toilet flush to the door opening. Sounds like he doesn't even fasten his pants.
• If you pee on the seat - wipe it up! At least it is your own pee! It is super disgusting if I have to do it. Especially if there is unintended seepage on that toilet paper wipe of the seat. I don't want Office-Guy-Pee on my fingers! Grossness!!
• Soon I will be enforcing random full body sanitizer, using pails of hand sanitizing gel. You will not be forewarned as to the date and time. (It will be like when the sports team wins the game and the coach gets the cooler surprisingly poured onto him. Consider yourself warned).

There may be some humour and sarcasm in here. There is definitely some seriousness. Please note which one is which.

Thank you and have a good weekend.

Stephanie

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