Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Did You Hear? Apparently I'm Rich...

I know I wow you all with stories of dog doo, my exploits of staying awake past 11pm, and my fear of Walmart employees smoking beside the propane machine, but I have news for you.

Apparently, I am LOADED.

And not loaded off of Skinny Girl Sangria. No, my dear friends, not THAT good kind of loaded.

I mean, I clearly must make huge bank. Be rolling in dough. I think I should be wiping my butt with twoonies. Hell, twenties.

Why, you ask?

Because I can afford THIS:


My sexy thumb, for scale. And I think that is mothereffing barley which has gluten.




What's that you say?

"What's the big deal?"

Well... in my foolish attempt to secure a low-cost meal option at the grocery store, I decided to get the medium size of bean salad. Thinking it was sold by the size (like the horrendous greasy potato wedges I ALSO ate), I picked the middle of the road.

AND WAS HORRIFIED when I saw the label right before I was rung through the cash.

BEANS ARE HEAVY.

I am sure your bowels can agree with me on this one. So when sold by the weight...
 


What, is there Grey Poupon in there or something? WTF?


Seriously? REALLY? For bean salad (with or without a fancy name label)? SERIOUSLY? 

F_ck.


All I could think of was this:




Talk about brilliant marketing. Add some vinegar, olive oil, and salad counter leftovers, and mark the price up TEN TIMES. I assumed once it was scooped and labelled it was mine, so I didn't ask her to put it back.

I even had all the f_cking ingredients at home.You know, except for the effort part.


So don't hate.

Also? Don't order the large unless you are having Cristal champagne and having your driver take you home in your Rolls Royce/Hummer limousine hybrid.

Seriously.

_________



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25 comments:

  1. oh hunnnnnny....didn't you know you were paying for the 'Tuscany'??? Cause the plane ride, the bean pickers, the vinagrette makers... etc ect... that have to travel to Tuscany (Italy, not that other one that rich people in the US vacation at, not that I know where the fuck that is) also need a pay cheque. So they've blasted you with 0.012% of that.

    Bastards.

    Next time it's canned bean salad without the Tuscany, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Carmen - I didn't realize it was "TUSCANY" until the label was put on it. The damn display sign simply said "bean salad". Hmph.

      Delete
  2. things like this always happen to me when i'm trying to be healthy. this kind of thing doesn't happen with cupcakes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @jess - Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

      How true that is. How painfully true.

      Delete
  3. Makes me glad I don't like beans THAT much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @J.Day - I don't like beans THAT MUCH either!! I'm horrified. And it wasn't even that good.

      So this time I bought a Snickers instead.

      Delete
  4. That's when you walk through the store, carefully place the container next to the ground beef in the meat case (so as to stay chilled, thus eliminating the guilt) and walk over to the canned food aisle for the $.79 can.

    Now you eat every last bean and pea in that bowl!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Ach du lieber - I had already checked out my groceries and this deli-like counter is right at the exit door, on the way out. There was no escaping my bean conundrum.

      Delete
  5. Food by weight annoys me too. The salad places here in the city do it. Or it's 0.50 for bean sprouts and 0.75 for roasted red peppers. You're thinking, mm the good stuff, put this and that in. All of a sudden you're eating a $15 salad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Michael - I know, I mean NO SALAD is worth that much. Ever. And regular salad is boring. And home made salad is a lot of work (and gets soggy if premixed sometimes). Damn salad marketing thieves out there!

      Delete
  6. There is an amazing deli with a salad bar that I love. But my first time there, I didn't realize how much spinach could weigh with all the fixin's. My salad was close to $12. Sheesh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @L-Kat - But it's so damn light? See, I would have had the same results. It's crazy. I say we just all eat candy bars all the time and cause the demand to go down, and then the prices.

      Sure. That should work, right?

      Delete
  7. oh my god, stiffy, you're...you're canadian, aren't you?!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Kage - Fo' shizzle, eh? I thought we had already bonded over our Canadian-ness?

      Delete
    2. You say canadian like it's a bad thing. As if you have to wash your hands after. Sigh. Our path to world domination is slow and patient. Sooner or later we'll have you all apologizing when someone steps on your foot.

      Delete
    3. Being Canadian is a great thing! :)

      Delete
  8. Sorry darling, sometimes I forget that I'M Canadian....lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Kage - No worries, there are a lot of us bloggers out here. Hard to keep us all straight. lol.

      Delete
  9. Wow! I recently ate at an "all you can eat" buffet for that price!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Crack You Whip - Hi there, Thanks for stopping by!

      And I KNOW. I was crazy to buy it.

      Delete
  10. Lol! I stumbled here because I too purchased a large bean salad for a whopping $14.00. I have idiot jumped on the net to find a recipe because I'm sure not spending that again! Thanks for the laugh!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Shantalle@lifestylesofthestayathomemom.com - I just wrote a new post with an easy bean salad recipe!! lol. You were the inspiration, and dear lord I would have cried on the spot for $14.00.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

      Delete

I get far too excited when new comments come in here...