Monday, March 12, 2012

Top 10 Ways to Live On The Motherfracking Edge...


The top 10 ways to live on the edge:

  1. Try driving through the public library parking lot on the first day of March break. Holymotherofgawd, children, watch where the hell you are walking!
  2. Stay up past 11pm, knowing full well your dogs will wake you 3 individual times at the crack of dawn due to newly formed separation anxiety (for your husband, and not you).
  3. Drink on a week night. (After the age of 30).
  4. Play Russian roulette with the 8 valid and 2 expired condoms in your bedside drawer, while in the dark.
  5. Hell, have sex in general.
  6. Be the envy of all your single friends when all conversations lead back to your two dogs. No matter the topic of conversation. Always dogs. ALWAYS DOGS. (Refer to #2).
  7. Put sheet glass out for bulk garbage pick up day, THE NIGHT BEFORE, giving the proverbial finger to all the teenage ne'er-do-wells that you know convene and wander your street.
  8. Attempt hot yoga without a towel, using only an acrylic sweater for sweat absorption.
  9. Ever attempt to do a shot of tequila (after the age of 19).
  10. Wait until February 29, 2012 to contribute to your RRSP.
Wow. I'm shaking just from writing that.

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22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. @Leauxra - Don't hate the playa. Hate the game. Or something.

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  2. Hhahhahaah the russian roulette with the condoms thing cracks me up. Nice.

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    1. @Gia - It's MORE dangerous than with bullets! True story!

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  3. I still partake in #9 at most parties, lolz :)

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    1. @Hey Monkey Butt - *takes off hat to you* Way to go!

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  4. Please don't run over the kids who actually go to the library. Those are the ones I want in my class (so I do less of #3).

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    Replies
    1. @Missed Periods - While running over was not the goal, I will be sure to be extra extra careful, as you make a very valid point!

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  5. My daughters gave me a shot of something once and I sipped it slowly. They were disgusted with me and called me a pussy, which wasn't very respectful. However, shots are what can ruin a night for them. Doing shots is definitely living on the edge. Funny post.

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    Replies
    1. @Belle - Oh how they CAN ruin a night. I'm impressed that you could sip it. You just added #11.

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  6. I did a #3. On a Tuesday night. Considered doing it twice but... it is a work day tomorrow.

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    1. @Mynx - At first I was thinking #4 and was going to clap for you... hehe, but #3 is sometimes necessary, right?

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  7. Alarm goes off at 4:30 am. Staying up past 9:00 pm is throwing caution to the wind for me. You're like freakin' Charlie Sheen (staying up til 11) compared to me.
    I am now living life vicariously through you.

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    Replies
    1. @Ach du lieber - 4:30am? *GULP*. That is intense. That is why I fear children and should avoid #3 and #4.

      If I am like Charlie Sheen, does that mean that I am winning? I never win stuff!

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  8. 11 pm? Wow. I don't think I have made it to 11 pm on a school night in about 15 years. Christ, I don't even make it to midnight on New Years Eve.

    I'm with Ach du Leiber, and am now living vicariously through you. Do something wild for us, like skipping breakfast, then blog about it. I need the cheap thrills.

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    Replies
    1. @Tom G. - I am all about cheap thrills unless they are purple, look like headphones, and don't work.

      Is it sad that I WOULD blog about skipping a meal, and think that people might care? Probably.

      *Takes of top and runs down street screaming*

      There ya go. A cheap thrill.

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  9. No.7 - Haha! Serves them right!x

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    Replies
    1. @Althea - You know they eventually, intentionally smash it right? And I slash my hands trying to pick up the shards? Damn kids.

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  10. i just *started* an ira. and contributed some dollars to it. FUCK YEAH ADULTHOOD.

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    Replies
    1. @steph gas - Yeah. We just bought a new water saving toilet tonight. Adulthood is so exciting.

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  11. Sorry -- I didn't get past the "have sex" thing... What's going on now?

    :-)

    Pearl

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  12. Oh I'll add one: driving anywhere near the high school just before or just after school....

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