Monday, September 19, 2011

Embarrassing Realizations (Part 3 of ∞ )

All in the same day....

Realizing, as you arrive late to hot yoga, that you have no towel to sop your sweat/keep your clammy, slimy hands from slipping and letting you face-plant/wipe off your appendages so you can actually hold on to them.

Oh, LOLcats, is there anything you CAN'T do?

Further realizing the closest thing that will have to make due, out of the trunk of your car, is a sweater of grandmotherly proportions and quality that you purchased at a thrift shop in 1996 and have left in your trunk "just in case".

I think the layering was cool, a-la-Nirvana, circa 1996. I could be very, very wrong, though.

Upon implementation of said granny sweater, realizing that NEITHER your rubber yoga mat nor your acrylic/polyester/synthetic knit sweater stops hands and feet from slipping.

Then realizing that your I-only-wear-these-capris-when-I-haven't-washed-my-workout-clothes-and-they-are-all-that's-left purple capri pants display, quite clearly and nicely for all to see, that you sweat excessively in your groin.

You know, like this, except not nearly as nice, probably from circa 1987 or else free from the Goodlife Gym. What?!? It was free.

Fast forward to the end of a painful hot yoga class. Throw on a pair of jeans that happen to be in your dufflebag (does anyone under the age of 50 refer to these things as dufflebags, or is it just me? Just me. Okay.).

Go to the pet store, and shop at the grocery store for over an hour before realizing that your zipper is down.

Totally down. Completely open.

And, well, you just came from being drenched in hot yoga and therefore removed your sw-assy underclothes and put the jeans on as a temporary sweat cover until you were able to go home and shower.

Also noting that you are allowing a certain amount of... erm.... growth, in order to facilitate honeymoon sugaring (much like waxing).

Finally get into your car, giving yourself multiple, much-needed facepalms.

Awesome day and it's only 12:20pm.

Grin and bear it, folks. You've got another 12 hours of awake time to suffer through. Well, if you're me, that is.

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  1. This is the epitome of "one of those days"! Hope it gets better.. or funnier. Whichever happens first.

  2. errmmm...hmmm....this exact same thing hapened to me a while back...except i wasnt sweaty, dont do yoga and tend to let downstairs grow freely..
    oh but the common thing was standing on a bus once during peak hour and holding on for dear life to the jesus strap above my head. All these school kids (who were of course sitting down, not offering ME a seat) were staring at me weirdly.
    I looked down to see my fly wide open and something was sticking out. No not that shirt tail...suffice to say i never got on the 2:43 200 bus to st kilda again...
    i think often i am having one of those lives, not days...

  3. well after reading this my day is looking awesome hope things gets better..hugs

  4. LOL- oh man. The open-zipper-avec-bushy-privates thing just sealed the deal. Most embarrassing moment ever.

  5. Not sure I have ever had a day quite like that. Not laughing mmmm really. Ok I am. Can only get better :)

  6. Well, I for one am happy to be able to find joy in your humility... it makes me feel better ;)

  7. i don't know what sugaring is, but i hope it's better than waxing.

  8. My zipper is down a lot, although I haven't gotten the desired results yet. Real life is just not like in porn movies.

  9. @gotjack28 - There all like this any more. Thanks for stopping in and commenting!

    @Dan - Be free. And yeah, one of those lives pretty much sums me up, too.

    @becca - Hey, at least if I can make others laugh, it's not all for nothing, right?

    @You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... - Story of my life. Twice in less than 3 weeks. Jaysus.

    @Mynx - I am a comedy of errors.

    @Amber - That makes me feel better in a depressing kind of way. ;)

    @steph gas - I hope like hell it's better, but I suppose ripping hair out by the root is going to hurt like a mofo no matter the method.

    @George - Maybe it's your manscaping. lol.

  10. And I thought my bad days were bad. Damn, girl, yours takes the cake and then some! lol


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