Saturday, November 5, 2011

How To Turn Your Neighbours On While Raking Leaves

It's a sunny November morning.

You're feeling feisty, and looking for trouble.

What now?

Sexy leaf raking.


STEP 1: Go braless. It's 1:00pm on a Saturday, so it's not like you would have a bra on anyway.

STEP 2: Always, ALWAYS be sure to be sporting black socks. As you put on your white dollar-store flip flops.

STEP 3: Pants! Don't forget pants. You don't want to get arrested or anything crazy. My recommendation? A nice, faded navy blue pair of men's Scooby-Doo branded pajama pants. Only you will know that a peep through the men's button crotch holds a Sultry leaf-raking Saturday surprise.

Scooby caught a glimpse. Didn't think he was the pervy type.

STEP 4: Cover yourself up with a dirty burgundy hoody. Great Dane drool on the sleeves is optional. (Depends if you can rock it or not, and only you, dear friend, can make that call).

STEP 5: Grunt. A lot. I really mean A LOT.

STEP 6: Wheeze a bit, and brace yourself on your Scooby-covered knees.

STEP 7: Play with your messy, bedraggled hair. Belch if you so desire.

                   Almost done.

STEP 8: Get out the rake and begin raking. Quit part way through to come inside and eat Halloween candy that you never handed out to the neighbourhood kids.

Grr, Baby. Grr.



You're welcome. Just wait for the date requests and restraining orders to start rollin' on in.

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  1. Dammit. I wore a bra. I KNEW I was doing something wrong.

  2. I lost my moobs about a year ago, so I often go braless...

  3. Well shit...I had you on everything but the Scooby Doo pants and the drool covered hoodie. I did however throw my hair in an old school "snot knot" which always scream "Come and get me, fellas!" so you know...I did okay! ;)

  4. Last time i wore a bra outside i got into a little spot of bother...with all the wrong types
    haha....raking sux big time..get one of those annoying blower things and just swoosh them over to that pesky neighbours lawn...actually that got me into a spot of bother a while back too

  5. It was the socks I had wrong. Damn. All this time.

  6. @Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. - So.close. - But what about black socks with white flip flops, Idaho? What about THAT??

    @According to Jewels - Day-um, girl, I just assumed the I-don't-even-want-to-put-my-hair-in-a-ponytail was STANDARD. You make a very important point!!

    @Dan - Hmmm... even my good looks couldn't save me from that...

    @J.Day - We all need photo proof. And you're welcome.

    @becca - The question is - how close were you?

    @Kage - My camera is toast, which SUCKS, but I also didn't know how to do a self-portrait outside while raking. I DO have another photo to post soon with me looking ALMOST as sexy as you on your blog. But with more sweatpants and less boobies.

    p.s. DAMN you look good.

  7. very bad things would happen if I went sans black eyes and would be ugly.

  8. I came over because you were first on Allie's comment list. You didn't disappoint. I'm your newest subscriber.

    Grunting is sexy. And dropping to your knees . . . ?

  9. @Paula - Mine = more droopy and sad than ugly. Be careful out there. These directions shall be used at your own discretion!!

    @Fred Miller - Well hello and thanks for stopping to comment! Yeah, I couldn't believe I got in there first, Allie Brosh is amazing. I figured it never hurts to remind her.

    And it's more propping yourself upright on your knees, but should you choose a different methodology more effective for YOUR neighbours, you do what works best. ;)


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...