Q-Tip Quandry

Have you ever seen a dog scratch its ear and position itself in such a way that it just.hits.the.sweet.spot?

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah, baby..... Image Credit

I realized yesterday that I have a love/hate relationship with those little cotton-tipped buggers. On one hand, they are a necessity unless you are a ear-waxless person (you freak!) or you want yellow chunks of shizz in your ears (like my classmate Clayton did in elementary school... I remember seeing it while riding the bus one day and swearing up and down I would NEVER let my ears look like that).

Fast forward 3 years. I was maybe 11. This would be the year before the lovely, sparkly graduation dress. My family doctor told my mother and I that you should never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear. He comically tried to demonstrate.

I felt a little embarrassed for him.
Also confused.

Nothing that big would FIT in your ear, dumbass (alas, his sarcasm was lost on me. ON ME. I know, it's just... I know).

I have a new appreciation for the dog and the sweet spot. Screw the doctor (actually, I heard his nurse did just that, he ruined his marriage, and had to leave town.... but I digress).

There is a fine line between reaching in your ear deep enough to feel like you are cleaning that mother-effer out all street-sweeper style, then there is the part where you hit a drum or a dangerously-easy-to-puncture-area (or something that hurts like crazy).

My first reaction is to draw back in pain, but depending on the angle of that damn Q-tip, ya gotta be cautious. Every time I start fishing around in there, I always feel über-confident and cocky that I will outsmart the bad-ear-drum part. I'm sitting at about 30%.

Creatures as found in their natural habitat...... Image Credit

Who else, on earth, can you honestly say, would wake up and see this as a challenge? A task to be mastered -  overcome? I am so special. I know Mom, I bet you are so proud!

So far I am not winning this war. And no-name Q-tips... well, my friends, you are just ASKING for it.

This is so random, yet I felt compelled to post.

Wield those puppies carefully, my friends. The Q-tip is a wiley beast. Best not to mess with it.

Until next time of course, then you HAVE to win..... Pin It Now!

I Gotz Me An Award!

Yay!

I was awarded a "lovely blog" award from VickiLikesFrogs (formerly known as ♥ Vicki ♥ , kind of like how Prince changes his name now and again) from her blog, Glitter Frog.

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Fear Not Dr. Dath...

So, just wanted to let everyone know I am alive, but haven't been feeling too hot since my last post. Don't worry, I don't think I'm dying or anything dramatic. Though I *do* have a flair for the dramatic.

Found myself in hospital emerg. last night.

I had the pleasure of pushing a button, waiting for #106 to be "served" (what is it, the damn deli counter?), then sitting beside a young fellow with psychiatric issues who discussed his passion for saving others uncertain of a) the Afterlife b) Jesus Christ and/or c) some computer game. He also discussed his passion for his sister, and indicated he wished her "resolve was not quite so strong" to the gentleman beside him.

I wish I was making this shit up.

His sister appeared, and she split her time between praising Jesus/finding his light and letting the sick, elderly people in the room know, insulting her mentally ill brother, and talking trash about the hospital staff and how she would like to sue them.

It was truly heartwarming. I love me a well-rounded Evangelist.

As I clutched two little teal-coloured plastic bedpans (in case of vomiting), I just hoped a spot would open up for me.

The crazy went on and on and on.

I thought to myself... let's be positive! Then the true me starting thinking about how much it all sucked and all the bad things associated with being there.

I summarized my thoughts, left to right, in a chart just for YOU!

At the end of the day? Some unpleasant findings, and a (supposed?) referral to another doctor next week.

His name? Dr. Death Dath.

I shit.you.not. Can't wait for that appointment. Should be great. I'll let you guys know (presuming I live through the appointment to tell).

p.s. I am asking for my health for Christmas. I wonder if the girl with the line to Jesus could have gotten me into direct contact with Santa? Dammit, the pain clearly clouded my judgement.

UPDATE - OCTOBER 5, 2010:
Dr. Dath was a very very nice man who took time to explain things to me and calm me the eff down, and I hope he doesn't Google himself, find this page, and think I am mocking him. I admit, his name sort of terrifies me, but to anyone who has happened upon this blog while looking him up - you will not be disappointed, I have every faith that he will be able to help you with your problems, or at least let you know where to go/who to talk to if he cannot help you himself. Just wanted to clarify that. He is a very good doctor.

And, interestingly enough, as Jody pointed out, I have the 4th spot on page 1 when you search him, even if my Gerard. J. Butler post failed miserably and never even made it into that stinkin' search engine.

 
That is all.



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