Showing posts with label no fly list for smuggling yogurt domestically. Show all posts
Showing posts with label no fly list for smuggling yogurt domestically. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Whoever said "change is good" clearly doesn't have an anxiety disorder...

20 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
So.

Yeah.

"Change Is Good".

Whoever made that line up was entirely misquoted. They incorrectly spell the word "terrifying" with the letters G - O - O - D.

An obvious oversight.

Want me to sob heartily but silently, alone, in the bathroom stall at a strange airport?
Introduce change. (And perhaps allow me to grab the REAL large yogurt container from the fridge, instead of the OLD large yogurt container that is holding my leftover quinoa bean salad [intended to be my gluten-free meal on the flight back to Toronto]. And let me get stopped at security. And let the words "quinoa" and "beans" escape my mind, so I look extremely suspect and unable to explain to the agent why I was honestly not trying to smuggle 475mL of liquid-yogurt through airport security. Let the agent warn me, give me a once over, and shake his head in disgust as he throws out the real yogurt intended for my husband. Perhaps also be added to the no-fly list).

Want me to hold my body more rigid with tension than a CSI corpse while holding my breath, for hours at a time?
Introduce change. (And throw in driving someone else's car with super soft brakes into the mix, just to heighten the fear factor.)

Want me to re-assess everything I have ever owned, forcing emotionally-charged decision after decision, donating, tossing and packing things?
Introduce change. (And then get the hell outta Dodge, because someone is going to get hurt).

Want me to drive like a 90-year old woman with cataracts on strange, new roads?
Introduce change. (You know, maybe this one isn't such a bad idea. The slow part, not the cataracts part).

 
Stephanie, I'd like you to meet fetal position.
Fetal Position? Here, please let me introduce you to Stephanie.
I think you two will get along swimmingly.


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