Someone Thinks I'm Versatile! (Everyone Else Just Thinks I'm Crazy)

So through random algorithms produced by the interwebs, Sam over at A Redhead Named Sam felt it fitting to bestow the Versatile Blogger award on little ole me.

I have most certainly been called worse...  ;-)

*blushing*

Sam has described me, and I quote:

"Random is right...there really isn't a cohesive theme to this blog unless you consider humor and randomness a theme. I guess, in that context, it is. Anyway...moving on. If you like The Bloggess, you'll probably enjoy this one too. *I* enjoy it - if that influences your decision at all. ;)"

Thanks for the award, Sam!

I am supposed to:
1.) Tell all of you 7 facts about myself.
2.) Tag 7 of fellow bloggers to do the same.

Facts Away!

1) I can always tell what kind of silverware I am pulling out of the clean dishwasher rack before seeing it, just based on the weight (e.g. knife, spoon, fork). I am eerily accurate. It is a totally and completely useless skill. And apparently my number one fact about myself

2) Lately I have not felt the slightest bit funny, had the slightest desire to blog, nor feel that I have had any quality content. I have also failed to deliver two guests posts.

3) I consistently scratch the crack of my butt with my engagement ring. It's big and sharp and continually reminds me that I should be using a washcloth. Also reminds me that I will likely blind small children and puppies with this bad boy. (Look out, Ella!)

4) I love love LOVE Stephen Colbert and think he is hilarious. Only in character. The only time I like him out of character is when he is still technically in character, but is cracking up laughing trying to stay IN character. He consistently makes me laugh and I love it. I've also seen Jon Stewart in stand up comedy twice, and the first time, I laughed so hard that my stomach was killing me and my cheeks hurt from smiling for so long.

Stevie boy is on the right. I LOVE him!

5) I watched 3 seasons of True Blood over the course of a long weekend, non-stop back to back. I ate, slept, dreamed everything Bill and Sookie. It's so bad it is good. I love True Blood. (Do the things I like count as things about me? No? Too bad).

6) =
=
[

(Ella, the puppy, typed that one for me).

real #6: I am dying to go to one of those gorgeous over-water bungalows in Bora Bora where you can walk right from your hut into the water. They are stunning and RIDICULOUSLY expensive. A girl can dream.

This goes into the mother-frikken OCEAN. It's pure paradise in Bora Bora! Me want!

7) I always ask Feyoncé to play online Scrabble, then bitch and moan the ENTIRE time because I have shitty letters/no idea what words to make/am losing/know I will lose/used to kick his butt, but never do any more.

The following are 7 neat blogs that you should check out if you haven't already:

1) D'Artagnan ("Dee") over at Support Your Own Agenda
2) Mrs. Hyde over at A Bitch Called Mom
3) Brucie over at JADIP
4) Kage over at Sex, Sequins + Sociopaths
5) Jewels over at Jewels Turning 30 (aka Turning 30: A Journey of Self Exploration)
6) Oilfield Trash over at his accurate 10% theory blog, Make Daddy A Sammich
7) Jeff over at Content Unrelated

Check 'em out.

Later gators.

____________

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Freebie Friday: Funny Stuff That Isn't Mine

Here it is,

mah lame Friday post. Free e-cards that are frikken hilarious (and are totally not mine).

Thank you SomeECards!

Don't deny it. Mine even overheats. Control your jealousy.

It's true. I hate funerals.

This is true for every blogger Narcissist.

I say do one thing, and do it well. This is mine.

And on that note...

Happy Friday!

__

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Hoarders - The Beginning

First off - Hello to all the new followers and visitors to the blog! Let me wow you with some mundane shit  crazy-talk  ridiculousness  stuff.

So, Feyoncé wanted to do some purging and cleaning and sorting.

Apparently this is "all the rage" during "spring time". And yes, I have put spring in quotes, because this mother-effing snow won't piss off, so it's a pretty questionable spring time if you ask me.

Anyway, I immediately became defensive and wanted to save every extra toaster, bread bag plastic tie and odd-shaped glass container that I own... you know... just IN CASE.

In case of a large influx of 50 loaves of bread that show up without closure tags    in case of really impatient company and not enough bread slots, resulting in exceptional delays of toast delivery    because plastic is the devil and I am one crazy bitch.

You know, just in case we need it some time. It's so much easier if it is already around, as opposed to having to go out and buy new stuff.

So then I took a look around, and realized that some stuff was piling up ridiculously. The stuff you see all of the time, but your mind sort of cancels out the ugliness/ghetto-fabulousness/clutter/dirt/fur pile-up, just because it's always there. Like the great dane drool all across the walls.

I present to you Exhibit A of how I am becoming a Hoarder. The famed "junk drawer":

Prepared to tie bread, open wine, cut a bitch with a utility knife, and plug a sink with a warped drain stop.

I had every single bread bag tie that has ever entered this house since 2007. I shit.you.not. Why? I have no idea, because I also had every single elastic band that has ever made its way through the door. And twist ties, too, for good measure.

I tried to throw a bunch of shit out, and made some progress. I cleaned off some cupboards and re-organized (though, admittedly, didn't actually get RID of too much stuff).

Seriously, who gives a shit about my junk drawer? Really?

Oh well, at least ONE SINGLE FREAKIN' DRAWER has been cleaned. And Feyoncé did a drool wipe-down.

Does that count as spring cleaning? I say yes!

___

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