I Love Andy Samberg - Part 1

IT'S TRUE!

His face says it all.

After years of writing off Saturday Night Live for not being funny any more, I flipped it on when Feyoncé™ was gone and I was bored out of my mind. (Mind you, this was before my intense internet addiction and affliction for blogging and bloggers, so I still did things 'offline' at that point in my life... *SIGH*).

He did a music video skit about Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced mah-MOOD ah-mah-dih-nee-ZHAHD). I was actually belly laughing HARD as he lounged on the piano and Samberg romanced him with his witty lyrics in "Iran So Far".




Oh, and did I mention, ADAM LEVINE and JAKE GYLLENHAAL are in this, too? So hilarious and awesome.

The lyrics (Not owned by me - all rights reserved to NBC/SNL, etc.):

They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
And even though we're from opposite ends of the earth,
My heart tells me you're the one for me, Mahmoud

I remember when it started -
Saw you on the news
You were hatin' gays, I was eatin' food
But I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
You ain't wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me
Mahmoud makes my heart beat right out of my chest
My mind says no, but my body says yes
Nuclear threat? The only threat I see
Is the threat of you not coming home with me
Our love for each other's like when atoms collide
Can't express how I feel, Hey, yo Adam let's ride

And Iran, Iran so far away
Is your home, but in my heart you'll stay

He ran, for the president of Iran
We ran together to a tropical island
My man, Mahmoud is known for rilin'
Smilin', if he can still do it, then I can
They call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
You can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
S&M, nestlin' when we're wrestlin'
You can be the port that I park my vessel in
So I try to mute the tv but you can still see me
With your sleepy brown eyes, butter pecan thighs
And your hairy butt...
Yeah

And Iran, Iran so far away
Come home, and in my arms you'll stay

Used to look at the stars and dream
'Round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
Your pants high waisted, damn so fly!
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
And laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene you got me straight trippin' Boo
Hope you look in my eyes and say "I'm trippin', too"
You say Iran don't have the bomb but they already do
You should know by now, it's you

And Iran, Iran so far away
Is your home, but in my heart you'll stay

You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
But you can't deny that there's something between us
I know you say there's no gays in Iran
But you're in New York now baby
It's time to stop hiding,
And start living...

One

*Jakey appears*

There is hotness overload in the video... Adam Levine dressed in white, looking all smoulderingly hot and serious while he sings along to this ridiculous song... Jake G. making a hot little cameo... Andy Samberg with his passionate expression of lust for the Iranian President...

Adam Levine looking white hot in his white suit, singing with Andy Samberg. Loves it!!

This was what got me back into Saturday Night Live, but more so had me in love with Andy Samberg!

Andy Samberg lookin' good in slippers.

Little did I know this would only be the tip of the Samberg iceberg for my love of all things Andy...

Part 2 - To Be Continued...

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April Fool? Or Wii Schooled?

So yeah... Feyoncé™  and I were talking about if we had ever fallen victim to full blown April Fools Day trickery.

I recalled a hazy memory of my sister's failed attempt to cover my dad's toilet bowl with clear plastic cling wrap, but I could have dreamt it. I'm not very accurate when it comes to childhood memories. (Self-preservation, perhaps? Just kidding, Mom).

So we basically had a brief, not noteworthy conversation.

I said that I thought the trickery part of the day only went until 11am or noon or something, and Feyoncé™  thought that I was trying to trick him. I honestly thought that was true.

Anyway, turns out I got fooled on April 1st.

I turned on the Wii Fit balance board... and the goddamn thing said
"Balance... Board... Not... Working"... and I starting thinking, aw fuck shit crap darn, I don't want to have to pay to get the damn thing fixed, I wonder if there even is somewhere to get it repaired... will I have to ship it somewhere...?

And then it pops on a damn star hat and says "April Fool's!!"

This appeared word by word... effectively schooling AND pissing me off at the same time. Goddamned Wii.

So, I got jacked by a bloody children's game accessory. (After getting chin electrocuted once before... I think it's out to get me).

Then? Was supposed to visit with a friend, went out to my car in the garage, and realize I had left the trunk open for two days.

BATTERY.COMPLETELY.DEAD.

So I had no boost, no jumper cables, and no one to help me push the car out of the garage.

SO I freakin' inadvertently played an April Fools joke on myself. Awesome.

It only stung for a moment.

And yes, I realize it's mid-May.

I'm just MIA and scrounging Blogger for unfinished draft posts. Thanks Blogger!

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Recumbent Bike From Hell

I have a feeling that when I say I don't care much for exercise, I am not alone.

I mean, don't get me wrong... I know it's really good for me, I want to maintain a  somewhat  not-really-even-close  pretend  healthy body, it's crucial to my well being, and I  DO  don't want to exist as a couch potato.

But it's SO HARD to motivate myself to exercise. The 30-Day Shred has now become the 90-Day Shred (every third day... you do the math! HA!). It's almost approaching the 120-Day-I-Exercise-Sporadically-Not-Quite-"Shred".

I have a wedding dress I must fit in to, but I hear the Hershey Eggies and Cadbury Mini Eggs calling my name. The Bulk Barn had me on a watch list.

So I decide to mosey on down to a little hole-in-the-wall gym.

It's desolate. It has random tables throughout. It has some ancient gym equipment.

And two recumbent bikes (what, don't judge, a regular bike is NOT a woman's friend. It hurts the junk. There, I said it).

NORMAL person recumbent exercise biking? riding? cycling.

I get my gym gear on. I try to do some Jillian Michaels' warm-up moves by memory. Big muscle-y dudes are watching and judging me. I fail with my memory recall, and half-ass my moves.

I am quite certain I look like I am mildly challenged.

So not PC, but yet, so accurate.

I proceed to the recumbent bike, I get on, adjust the seat.... and find there are no fucking foot straps to hold my feet in.

Seriously?... REALLY?

Who presents so much of a threat to themselves and a gym's insurance policy, that they require restraint-less foot pedals on a bike that doesn't have direct downward gravity on its side?

For once, not me.

For the next 35 minutes, I struggle to keep my feet from flying off the foot pedals.

I was water bottle-less, watching eleventeen year olds silently batting eyes at each other and holding hands on a muted television tuned to MTV, while they pumped 106.1 K-Lite FM radio in the background.

The soundtrack to my workout?

Kissed By A Rose, by Seal.

Christ.

With a little more "light hits from the 80s, 90s and today" and a little less cowbell/enthusiasm/interest. And slightly less feathers.

This is why I hate exercising.

That is all.

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