Friday, January 14, 2011

Songs That Move Me (& Blog Reno)

20 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
New Site Design - Thumbs Up or Down?

So I decided to change up the ol' blogger background with something more personalized and slightly more creative than the non-customized Watermark template I was using before. Please let me know what you think.

In terms of the colours, it feels almost military to me... can't say why.

Most importantly, though, is the background image. It is Scooby Doo playing in the backyard, when she still had a desire for tennis balls in May of  2008. I love the crazy, playful pose she is in.

I pixelated and muted the image so it wasn't just a bright colour photo. Feel free to let me know what you think about the colours, fonts, layout, etc.  I like the busy-ness of the header (I'm tacky like that, yo), but be honest. I want the site to be user/reader friendly.

On Monday it will be one year without Scooby.

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Here's a good song with some great advice...



Lyrics & Copywrite (not owned by me):


Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. 

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…

I will dispense this advice now. 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, 

in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….

You’re not as fat as you imagine. 

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. 

Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen


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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Milestones and Shiny Dog Poop

19 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
So first off, you guys all effing RULE because that last post on Adam Levine, nuts, butts and soap shards? HIGHEST COMMENT COUNT EVER. Yes, some of mine are in there, but still! 37 or so thoughts on the subject is pretty big for me, and is appreciated more than you know!

You guys are awesome.

Also? Thanks to Bruce who has brought me up to 70 awesome folks willing to push the "Follow" button for this here itty bitty blog.

In case you were wondering, in terms of highest number of comments, bringing up the rear was Sparkling Clean Colon? (See what I did there? Do ya? DO YA??) with 26 comments. If you haven't read it, you should. I am all about pride, privacy, and appropriateness at all times.

Stop laughing!

On to other things. Two nights ago Schultz ate my last 300gram bag of Lindt Lindor chocolates, that were individually wrapped in tinfoil, made to look like tree ornaments. He got all but three.

You should probably know that:
A) Chocolate is toxic to dogs.
B) I fucking WANTED those chocolates for breakfast. EXPECTED it.
C) The ornaments also had strings, so foil and string are currently working their way through Schultz' intestines.
D) I didn't know he would possibly want or steal wrapped food. Only Scooby had a taste for Lindor chocolates.
E) I ate two of the white chocolate ones before going to bed.
F) He missed one dark chocolate one (my least favourite) in the couch cushions. Either that, or he didn't like those ones either.

Well, since he ate them Tuesday night, I have been accompanying him out in the snow to make sure all bodily functions are proceeding as normal. I found red Lindor tinfoil in his poop today. (Yes I checked. I could see it glimmering from a distance... the things a mother does...)

And know what? I cleaned it up right away so -
wait for it -
hope you haven't eaten/aren't eating -
you ready? -

So that he wouldn't be tempted by the aftermath into enjoying it a second time.

Disgusting I know.

You're welcome.

Anyone else find any treasure lately? Anything interesting/piss-offedness-inducing happen to you? Share, share.
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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

F-cked Up Letters

38 COOOOOOMMENTS! Now you speak up!
Click HERE to View Round One

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Dear SELF While DRIVING,

Just because you got rear-ended (resulting in whiplash) while stopped at a stoplight in 2010, it does not mean that EVERY.SINGLE.CAR that appears to be fast approaching behind you will also rear end you. You have been driving in fear of this for 8.5 months. I saw you cringe last night at a stoplight again. You need to get the fuck over it and realize it took 14 years of driving for it to happen to you once! Jaysus! Lighten up already.

Signed,
Me



Dear Tiny Itty Bitty Little Piece of Soap Left In The Shower,

I respect your work ethic. You seriously are giving it your all until the very end. And yours is a thankless job; I care not to know all of the things you have seen in your working life.

My skin crawls at the site of some of that beige "soap"...

That being said, I cannot ignore the panic and uneasiness that settles upon me when I attempt to wash my butt and/or buttcrack region, and you disappear. I know, I know, Dove Sensitive Skin that you match the (sometimes) white of the bathtub, but seriously... where did you go? WHERE did you disappear to? Is there dislodging I should be commencing? SERIOUSLY WHERE the fuck DID YOU GO? And now, how am I supposed to finish showering? You know I am not foolish enough to use BF's acid soap (Ivory... 99% pure...  lye, people!).

Just hang in there until I unceremoniously toss you into the garbage can, and prepare for the next showering experience with a new bar. No one wants to get lost in my nether regions. Except maybe Adam Levine. That would be okay.

Thankfully,
Me



I will never resort to this for soap shards. BF already thinks I have too much crap in the shower, anyway. (Sidenote: I hope no one googles "crap in the shower" and finds my blog. They will be disappointed)



Dear Adam Levine,

Hello there, Adam Levine. How yoooooou doooin'?


You are on my "free pass" list. (In fact, you are the only one I can think of right now. Maybe Sidney Crosby, but only the grown up version. I digress [EDIT: My friend A.P. reminded me indirectly that Bradley Cooper is also on that list. Just want to be clear]). You have an open invitation to get lost in my nether regions. BF hates you for that reason, but for that reason I also hate Jessica Alba. Please come up with better Tweets because you are losing some of your sex appeal. Pull a Britney and have a staffer do it for you. Please. Also? I cannot get the song "Misery" out of my head. Usually in the shower. Often after I 'misplace' the soap.

Dreamily Yours,
Me

p.s. Don't forget about my nether regions.

[Edit, Youtube Vid Below]




Dear Clearance Watch That Ticks Ever-So-Loudly,

I purchased you because, in truth, you were cheaper to buy than the cost to replace the battery in my faithful and trusty Mary Kate and Ashley model. Why must you tick so loudly? Like, super loud? If I am wearing you while I put earrings in, I think you may cause my sensitive eardrums to burst. Please be quiet. But don't die in doing so, because the cost to replace your battery will be more than you are worth.

Also? Thanks for being so damn loose. Your packaging hid that feature well and you were final sale. You are also not worth paying to have links removed. I know fear the jeweler would laugh me out of the store. But your blue face is pretty. That is all.

Silently,
Me



Dear $2 Impulse-Buy Bag of Peanuts,

Stop being so damn irresistible. I didn't even know I liked peanuts, but I was hungry. I don't think I do like peanuts. You make me feel super-dee-duper nauseous, but your salty-meatiness is irresistible. You are loaded with fat and salt and are satisfying, probably moreso than Adam Levine would be (I'm only guessing, he will have to probably prove himself otherwise).

You are adding to my weight gain and I have no restraint. Damn you peanuts.

In Good Health,
Me

"Righty-o, mates, here to plump up your bottom with my greasy, salty nuts. Off to work now, cheerio."Cocky bastard, isn't he?


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