Thursday, August 4, 2011

With All Due Respect, You ARE a D-Bag.

I was in a mall store today that sold suits and rented tuxes.

Some preppy blonde douchebag proceeded to be douche-y and ignorant to the minimum-wage making sales staff because he wanted his RENTED tux to be shortened in the body (READ: major alteration to the construction of the RENTED jacket).

Approximation of douche-i-ness. Plus an entourage who reeked of cologne. Image Source.

The abused sales clerk tried to tell him they can make minor adjustments to the sleeves and pant hems, but not the jacket, as it is rented and isn't their property to cut/modify to that extent.

When aforementioned blonde douchebag got EXTRA snippy and started an ignorant, respectless tirade with the statement:

"With all due respect..."

People, don't be fucking stupid. If you mean to offend someone, don't start your passive-aggressive line with "No offense, but..."

or be completely and utterly disrespectful, but preface it with:

"With all due respect..."

While you gaze at your reflection in the mirror and swear at the sales staff of a rental store because you are the GODDAMN EMCEE of that wedding, and ANOTHER JACKET you own fits you better and you SIGNED A RENTAL AGREEMENT, and B!TCH, B!TCH, B!TCH. This guy was more of a bridezilla then I will EVER be.


I made this shit. So image credit is MINE, bitches. No offense...

Also? I suck at returns. I leave them until the last minute, then turn around and spend MORE money in the store than the amount I returned. Fuck.

Also? I CANNOT extract myself from conversations I don't want to have. I talked about wedding bands for over 45 minutes with the sales lady who pressured me and told me the rings hardly ever go on sale at Michael Hill

(Srsly? You are a mall jeweler. You have pre-printed signs up every other week promoting a sale. Don't insult my intelligence.)

Could I say that to her? NO. I was ball-less and said I needed to think things over and blah blah blah. JESUS, MAN UP, STEPHANIE!

I also managed to end up talking to the Koodo sales rep about marriage, trust, relationships, and how overpriced those damn iPhones are. (At least I get points for that last one, since it was relevant). He was a nice guy... but who else seriously ends up in hour long off-topic conversations with sales clerks for such extended durations? If I made a friend out of it, great. If not... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!???!

Also? I'd like to send a big shout out and fuck off to stress sweat. Dear laaaaawd I HATE that shit~!

Like me, but with slightly less MOOB. (Moob = man boob)

You know, so... you're typical mall outing. If YOU ARE ME.



Pin It Now!


  1. but hey, at least you're talented! : )

  2. i may have said something to that guy. depending if he looked like the type to hit women.

    that's a valid concern in new york.

  3. "I'm sorry, sir, I don't mean to offend, but we can't make this jacket fit your size. 'Douche-nozzle' jacket sizes can only be purchased, not rented."

    Ah. The joys of working retail. Almost as awesome as working in a depression cube of sadness.

  4. People are assholes. I hate them. They think just because they're on the other side of the counter, they're god, and it drives me crazy.

  5. @becca - That douchey guy could probably use more hugs in his life.

    @carmar76 - Does that really count as talent? I think curse is more applicable, maybe?

    @steph gas - Very valid. I would have said something, except I am a f*cking wuss.

    @Leauxra - The worst part there? Working retail and HAVING to wear a fancy suit all the time. I HATED having to wear the store's clothes to work at the place. Two Canadian words: Au Coton. BLECH.

    @Storm. Kat Storm. - That complex bothers me, too... along with A LOT OF PEOPLE. But not you folks who read my blog. ;)


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...