Hey Everyone! Halloween Sucked.

How's it going? Did you miss me? No? Okay.


So I kind of exposed myself in my last post. I hoped it would be a bit freeing. I think it was.
A Director from Ryerson's School of Journalism asked me if I would be interviewed regarding the IT GETS BETTER content. I was immensely flattered and really wish I could have contributed, but they wanted to interview me the next day in Toronto.


Anyway, whenever I get the chance to defend something like this, or speak up for the "little guy" I am all over it, so I would have loved to have done it if the timing worked out better.

So, I've felt immensely uncreative lately and have been putting more hours in at work, leaving me really tired and kind of comatose afterwards (well, along with the nausea and all THAT bizznazz).

I thought I would share about how I felt like an utter douchebag at a Halloween party I recently attended. Last year I went all out (the day AFTER Halloween, people, I'm no fool, I buy my shit on sale).

My devilish items included:

• Sub-par polyester red she-devil dress that wasn't revealing
• Black pantyhose with red and gold flames up the side
• Red elbow-length lace-up vinyl gloves (WHAT?!? Every devil has them!)
• A red polyester tail
• A headband with red "devil horns" (or potentially red cat ears, if you were a red cat)
• A full-on, real deal, red wig complete with affixed rubber devil horns
• Crayon make-up to complete the crazy-ass devil look (I was clearly not going for sexy).

So this year I was determined to dress up and not mope around the house (BF was away and hates Halloween anyway). Last I had dressed up was about 5 years ago as an (unsexy) cop. Like with pants. (It was a guy's costume).

So I got dressed up. I even googled YouTube she-devil make-up videos.
(I owned few of the colours and even less of the application knowledge).
I attempted my make-up, and my friend told me I looked like a man trying to look like a woman.

*DEFLATED*

I forged ahead. My company to the party's outfits consisted of:

• Flattering tank top, tight-fitting spandex pants, and accessories to complete the costume
• Flattering tank top, tight-fitting spandex pants, and two accessories to complete her costume
• Dude wore jeans, a plaid shirt, and a hat (promptly removed) as a lumberjack? Hunter? There may have been a tree branch involved.

Okay, no biggie, they went for simplicity. I felt over the top and a little obvious/EXTREMELY RED/dude-like and self-conscious. But alas, not to worry, we were going to a FREAKIN' COSTUME PARTY! Surely I would blend in, in all my hideous red glory? I mean, IT IS HALLOWEEN! You get to basically hide behind a costume, pretend to be something else, that means my day HAD to get better, right?

Wrong.

Hostess greeted us. She was tiny and cute and wearing a short green satin dress with angel? bug? fairy? wings. There was a group photo, but I teeter in my heels, I appear to weigh approximately 150 lbs. more than my companions, and the red is blinding.

Click to make larger. Not that you need to see me any larger.... but, ya know, to read the text.

Well, how about the others? The host? He was dressed as a warrior-type dude like in that 300 movie. He did say something not complimentary about my outfit. In front of everyone. I then felt like a douche to the power of 3.

I was then critiqued and insulted at least three more times (before the wine caused memory-retention issues).

Other costumes included:

• Sexy cop in short dress and fishnet stockings
• Sexy duck in short dress with feathery edge and visor-like-head-beak accessory
• Second sexy cop in short dress
• Duck hunter dude (also in jeans, a plaid shirt and a hat. Also some pond-like plant-life accessory)
• Sexy navy girl? in short dress
• Male thief (in form fitting clothing)
• Glen Quagmire from Family Guy (awesome when mask was affixed, indeed)
• Bob Barker (in a more form fitting suit than my own)
• Other things much more flattering, form-fitting, and attractive than a larger-than-life she devil (ME).

I removed the wig. I was told my shoes did not match my outfit (I don't own red shoes, and really didn't need more red anyway). I drank. Then drank a little more.

I met a lovely girl who was dressed as an electrical outlet. She was the only person there who was wearing something less form fitting than I. I think the host's sister arrived at some point in paper bags (paper bag princess?) but I was really unwell by then so I can't say for sure (and we all know this blog is, if nothing else, HONEST AT ALL TIMES... *snicker*).

In order to maintain anonymity, electrical outfit girl was super sweet and friendly and I hope to chat with her again.... when I am not flaming red and consuming wine on an empty stomach.

SO.... in order to remain cool, remain calm, not feel like a dork-face in a room full of strangers without BF, I did what any level-headed, mature 30 year old woman would do.

I've borrowed these wicked illustrations by Pierre A Lamielle (waiting for his reply if it's cool, if it isn't, I will remove it) from his awesome blog here: http://kitchenscraps.ca/

I drank wine when already feeling ill. Felt more ill. HAD TO LAY DOWN IN SOMEONE's BEDROOM at the house, may have visited the porcelain king a time or two, then got in the car to go home.

Approximation (add more red in your head).

This is why I need THE MOTHER or BF to supervise me at all times. Even when shopping. We implement that daycare rope thing, just so I don't get lost/lose my shit/get abducted.

See? I'm safe this way!   Image Credit (except for my head, I did that)

So yeah, fantastic.

Also? I didn't learn learned from this mistake and bought a pirate wench/gypsy rose costume on Nov. 1 at 50% off. I plan on getting some fishnet stockings and thigh high boots and feeling moderately nasty and attractive next year (if I actually decide to go somewhere). With a push-up bra and a hope, I might pass as decent-looking.

I was   this.close  to getting the sexy, short, Wonder Woman costume, but it was size small and I assume this horrendous health stuff will be at least a little bit better by next year and I will have gained weight back to healthy for me (A.K.A. not gonna fit a small). Either that, or I'll be dead.  AIM HIGH!!!! Pin It Now!

Gerard J. Butler's Grin (has been John C. Mayer'ed)

Image Credit

This post is John C. Mayer-ing Gerard J. Butler. It's all Aunt Becky's fault over at Mommy Wants Vodka.

So Gerard J. Butler is a fantabulous actor fellow who had acted in movies such as:

• How to Train Your Dragon   (I was hoping this was racy, but apparently it is children's animation. Bummer)
• The Bounty Hunter   (Totally on the library wait list for this one. I love me my Gerard J. Butler, and my Team Aniston)
• Law Abiding Citizen (Gerard J. Butler was very very angry in this one. I saw Gerard J. Butler act in this one while taking a flight to Winnipeg)
• Gamer
• The Ugly Truth
• Tales of the Black Freighter
• RocknRolla   (Also totally and completely on the library wait list for this Gerard J. Butler film)
• Nim's Island
• P.S. I Love You   (You know what Gerard J. Butler? I love you, too)
• The Butterfly
• 300   (Never did watch it - seemed to me there was a lot of blood involved)
• Beowulf & Grendel  (Nothin to do with Beyonce)
• The Game of Their Lives
• The Phantom of the Opera

IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND JUST WHAT THE HECK I AM UP TO WITH THIS POST, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO AUNT BECKY HERE. IT'S ANOTHER BLOGGER'S IDEA I NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND, SO YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG CONSISTS OF!!!
 
I have P.S. I Love You, featuring Gerard J. Butler, sitting right here in front of me, just begging to be watched before I return it late to the library and pay a fine, then curse myself for renting these movies complimentarily (new word?) from the public library instead of taking myself to Blockbuster and just paying the reduced one-night rental fee. Gerard J. Butler is worth it, right?

But I need freedom. One night with him might not be enough. Sometimes he needs time to breathe in his DVD case. Other times, he must be viewed and admired and sought after via DVD immediately. To look at his cute grin is always charming. Even if Gerard J. Butler was kind of a jerk in The Ugly Truth. The thing is - Gerard J. Butler dictates when I should be watching his movies or adoring his grin. I can't help it, it is up to him.

To learn more about Gerard J. Butler, you could always visit his Wikipedia page here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerard_Butler


Being Canadian, I was quite pleased to learn that he spent the first 'few years of his life' in Montreal, Quebec (Canada for you international followers). So that makes him sort of one of us. For a few short Gerard J. Butler years.

His grin is something like this, but less furry and more endearing:

Gerard J. Butler has an adorable grin.

According to the Daily Record,
Gerard J. Butler "has also told how a childhood infection left him flashing a wonky grin. The Hollywood heart-throb was just 10 years old when he had surgery to cure crippling ear pain.

Butler revealed he still suffers ringing in his head, hearing loss and has a dodgy smile - 30 years after the op.

He said: "When I was younger, I looked like I had a stroke. Because my mind sometimes feels like it's melted down, I'd think, 'Maybe I did have a stroke.' That would sure explain a lot of things." "

How could you not love Gerard J. Butler after reading that? I know some people very close to me that have afflictions that have caused their features to alter slightly. I love them more for it. And I also love him more for it, as well.

Gerard J. Butler is great. He is talented. He was a lawyer before he was fired from his job. He was not one to be held down by 'THE MAN'. No. Gerard J. Butler instead chose to outlet his creativity and soul through the art of acting.

Gerard J. Butler is a trooper - a survivor.

I wonder if he would like my dresses? Or if he would condone my diet? If he is friends with other celebrities such as John C. Mayer or Michael Bublé?

I wonder if he does his own grocery shopping.

Gerard J. Butler rules. I think that he would enjoy this post. I am most certain that Gerard J. Butler's publicist would be happy to read my love for him. I wonder if he is married? He is such a mysterious character, he is. I don't know that I will ever really know the true Gerard J. Butler.

I have a feeling this is totally going to backfire. I love you Google.

EDIT: YAY! I figured out my error and actually made page 1!

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