Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Michael Bublé Incites Rage

Yes, I said it. It's totally irrational, not at all logical, and unclear even to me. But it's true.

The moment I even hear his name uttered, I can feel the hairs raise on the back of my neck (and not in a good way). I cannot change the radio station fast enough when his voice comes on. It makes me blind with rage, for some strange reason.

Exhibit A: MB causing inner rage right now. Probably will never be able to look at this post again. Thanks a lot.

In my mind, I overlap his face with John Mayer which automatically gives him about 90,000 points for douchey-ness. "But Stephanie," you say "he is NOT John Mayer so why punish poor Bublé?". You might also say "Stephanie, don't start sentences with the word BUT".  Who knows, I can't read your minds, people.

Exhibit B: Douchebag Mayer (anyone who hurts Team Aniston is no friend of mine, kids)
 See, not really similar. Except for the douchiness.



I hear such a holier-than-thou-whilst-trying-to-sound-deeply-soulsearching-and-sexy tone in his voice it makes me want to punch my radio or maybe even MB himself. I can't even type his name now.

I HATE that he is Canadian. I loved French class, and I loved those accents over the e's and o's... but his last name irritates the piss out of me.


We recently attended a gorgeous wedding, arrived at the reception, met the receiving line, smiled/hugged/complimented and proceeded into the room - to our assigned table. I was dressed up (yay!), so was BF (yay!), I had bought new shoes (yay!), we would hopefully dance (yay!), I was so pumped and happy and... wait.... something was amiss. Something wasn't right.

The hairs on my neck were standing up... WTH? On the large projection screen, there he was in all of his glory, MB on a neverending loop in concert!!! Seriously?? No, seriously, really, seriously, please no!

No amount of antipasto bar or wine can drown that shit out. Poor BF was subjected to my pissiness until finally, thank the gods, the projection screen retracted and my nerves were able to calm. It seriously messed with my head. It was possibly the longest hour of my life. (It may have only been 20 minutes, these things are mysterious).

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!?!? (Well, okay, okay, with respect to this, I mean).... Though, just a note, at least 900 other people hate him according to Facebook! Yay, I am not alone!

Ooooh, and THIS HERE is good, too. Go ahead, don't be afraid to go there. It's what you've suspected deep down all along.... Pin It Now!

20 comments:

  1. You're right about Buble. The only time I ever looked at him and didn't hate him was when he was on SNL and did a skit with Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm cancels out MB and then some. He even makes MB tolerable. He's that good. However, I don't think even Jon Hamm could cancel out Mayer's douchiness. There is no bigger douche.

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  2. *Sarah Lindahl - how I adore you for the back-up. Though I cannot vouch for your "tolerable" comment, I will trust you on the SNL-tolerance only. lol. And yeah, Mayer is hopeless. Where did your hate for Mr. Lopez start? The dreaded Saved By The Bell?

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  3. My anger comes from the fact that he used his Sinatra-like qualities just to make himself famous. He sang Sinatra's songs as if they were his own, and completely disrespected a legend, which makes him a douche.

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  4. @Anonymous - I couldn't have said it better myself. I think I love you. (Anonymously, of course!)

    The guy thinks he's this sexy suave machine, and he's NO SINATRA!!

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  5. This must have been before I started reading you. MB is not a Sinatra sound alike, he is similar in styles to Mel Torme'. I like his work on the standards. I know where you are coming from on this. I have a friend that can't stand him either, she says that he's lazy when he sings.
    There are performers that I cannot stand that most people can't get enough of. Prince and John Mayer are a couple of them.

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  6. Im a bit late in on this one, but Buble has sent me into a recent spin of rage as well. Buble is nothing but a cheesy karaoke singer who somehow won the hearts of bland 30something-year-old women the world over. There is some quality about him that women in their 30s can't resist, and they're usually exceptionally bland women too. I had to have an argument with a lady (bland, in her 30s) over the fact that Buble did NOT write Crazy Little Thing Called Love (nor any other song he performs), and that his version is NOT the original. Arrgghh! Excuse me, I'm just going to go buy a copy of his latest album and burn it.

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  7. @George - I just don't see his mass appeal. Or his appeal. I don't understand my rage, but it's there!

    @Anonymous - Not this bland 30-something-year-old-woman! He makes me soooooo mad. Happy burning!

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  8. He is not good at what he does. Also, every time I see his face a want to smush it. So ridiculously insincere. Smush it.

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    1. @Anonymous - Smush away, you have my endorsement!

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  9. Think you need to look at his talent relative to everyone else - in which case he comes up top!

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    1. @Anonymous - Nah. I'll pass, thanks.

      We're all entitled to our own opinions, though.

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  10. LMAO! I feel better now. Funny, I dont even like typing his name either. I dont get the hype. Every other song on the radio, Pandora, whatever is MB!!! This is CHRISTMAS not Buble-mas AHHH

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    1. @Anonymous - I KNOW. I feel your pain. I think Mariah Carey and him should fight to victory while listening to their own music on loop.

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  11. I would rather run repeatedly head first into a brick wall than have to listen to this candy ass, no swing, no soul, yuppie, plastic wannabe. I would rather inflict paper cuts all over my body than watch this no rhythm meatbag perform live. What is even sadder is when he tries to sing anything other than that pitiful parody of swing. Bublé couldn't swing if you hung him by his neck. How can a country like Canada, which gave us geniuses like Oscar Peterson. Glen Gould, Joni Mitchell, Jane Bunett, Neil Young, Jane Child and Ralph Bowen just to name a few, produce a no talent, pretentious knucklehead like Bublé?

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    1. @Anonymous - I don't know who you are, but you just made my night... no - my week. I get so much flak for disliking him, but your "he couldn't swing" line had me laughing evilly over here.

      Thanks for that. And Merry Christmas! May the mall speakers be Buble-less for all of humanity!

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    2. I hate Bublé so much that I would eat his children...No I wouldn't. Only joking. That would drag me down to the level of a Charlie Manson or a Jack the Ripper or even worse yet...Michael F#%@ing Bublé. At the very least I would call upon what is left of Michael Bublé's sense of decency and beg him, for the sake of all humanity, to give up "singing" (quotation marks are intentional) for 2013. Well...fellow Bublé haters, I wish you all a Happy New Year. And if you should unfortunately happen to hear some of Mikey the Meat Puppet's "music" (once again...quotation marks are intentional),try to make it to the bathroom before vommiting. Peace and Bublé-less-ness to one and all.

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    3. Hold on a moment! Think about it. Do you know WHY humanity has been subjected to the "vile one"? (i.e. Michael Bublé...a.k.a. "Mikey the Meat Puppet"..."Overlord of Funk-less-ness"... "King of the Caucasians") Do you know who is truly to blame? It's all David Foster's fault. Were it not for David Foster,
      "Schmaltz boy" would still be playing weddings and corporate gigs in Vancouver; getting old, wrinkled and bitter like the rest of us. Instead, due to an error in judgement by Foster, humanity is getting "ear raped" by the new "King of Swing". Do you know what else David Foster is responsible for? He is responsible for JOSH GROBAN...JOSH "Water boarding" GROBAN!!!!!!
      Does anybody know of a good "I hate Josh Groban" web site? I'm starting to believe that David Foster is singlehandedly trying to get even for Canada's inferiority complex. Don't get me wrong. I think Canada is a brilliant country. Canada just needs to be a little bit more responsible with their immigration policy. Maybe then the planet will be a little more protected from the likes of Bublé and Groban. Think twice before you purchase a "musical" product produced by David Foster. For the love of God,think twice.

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  12. Im sitting in a movie theator right now and MB was plugging his new album i get gassy when i hear him only him its not a medical condition its like his music doesnt enter my ears but analay rapes me. as i watch him dance i think only of a way to teleport into the screen and stab him with a hot butterknife

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  13. We've had his "To Be Loved" CD on in-store play at the bookstore for like three months now. No matter where I hide it in the push box, someone finds it. I hate his fakeness. I hate his auto-tuning every last note. I hate his obviously focus-grouped to death playlist and production. I hate his "I Just Wanna Be Liked!" smirky face. I hate his "Don't I Sound Just Like Bing Crosby With the 1940s backup singers?!?!" covers. I HATE HIS GUTS. I do hope he goes away for a long time.

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  14. Every time I see him interviewed or perform, I can not stop watching fast enough. He always behaves like a fake arrogant pretentious prick and yet is still a no-talent hack who stole his sound from Harry Conick Jr, who revitalized peoples love of Sinatra's muse.
    He has such an annoying personality I wanna take a shovel to his fat head!

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