[DISCLAIMER #1 - THIS POST ONLY GETS CLASSIER THAN THE REST FROM HERE.]
You are out somewhere utterly, totally and completely inconvenient when the urge strikes. It can begin subtly (but often doesn't). A small sensation, and you know what needs to happen (Stops by 00:00:45).
You are most likely:
- In the middle of your presentation.
- You have a full grocery cart of frozen vegetables.
- You are walking your dog and are at the furthest point from home.
- You are in a mosh pit.
- You are on a wilderness hike.
- You are on a building inspection that is time sensitive, or worse yet, on a swing stage 23 floors up.
- You are in your car stuck in rush hour traffic.
- You are at a critical plot revelation during an intense movie in the theatre, in the centre of a long row.
- You are in a communal jail holding cell with a single shared toilet, and lots of people checking out your body. (This scenario is the most likely, I think).
Now, personally speaking from a year of essential stomach/GI paralysis, where things only ever came out if I was throwing up, you would think this would be a welcome brain/body-physiological message to someone like me. But no, trust me, it's not. I just think "Seriously??... Reeeally?..... Seriously? Right now? But... but...."
However the true ultimate frustration is that you can know it needs to happen, want it to happen, it just can't happen, and within a period of time (minutes? an hour?) you may find your body is juuuuust fine. Yup, just fine thanks. Sometimes it will be fine for more minutes. Or more hours. Or even days!
My Body: "Nope, I'm good thanks, no peristaltic movement here, nothing to do, feeling just dandy. Washroom? *looks aghast* Why no! Ladies would never need to use the washroom for that! And whether or not you choose to believe it, I will turn you into a young lady some* day. But no, really, I'm fine."
(*Clearly not THIS day, despite the elegance, sophistication and general appropriateness of this here blog post).
SO WHAT JUST HAPPENED? It didn't go anywhere, at least as far as I can tell. It's STILL THERE. I would assume it hasn't gone in reverse or travelled back in time. So what the heck is the disappearing urge? Because I know my body was not effing with me the first time around... but now it seems to be.
I just don't get it. But I suppose it is better than the world Stewie found.
[DISCLAIMER #2 - ALL VIDEO CLIPS ARE FULLY AND COMPLETELY THE COPYWRITE OF THE OWNERS AND PRODUCERS OF FAMILY GUY AND AUSTIN POWERS... AND ALL THAT]
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