Quick, irrelevant post

Does anyone want to hear about the last half of the trip across Canada?

I don't want to be a spoiler, but we MIGHT have made it back here alive. It's hard to know, though.

I should be writing funny things and being consistent and stuff, but I have been too busy drooling over shoes I will never, ever, ever own... and laughing at dogs who have been shamed.

See? Irrelevant and random.

Exhibit A:

Aaaaah mah gaaaaaaahd. This photo doesn't do them justice. Jimmy Choo, I love you.

These shoes made me wet my pants a little. I saw them, in person, in my size, in Vancouver. I had to resist like hell to not try them on. I knew it would result in me having a 4-year-old-esque temper tantrum in the middle of Holt Renfrew, stomping my feet (carefully, mind you, in these babies), and crying and whining until my mother-in-law could convince my husband over the phone that these would be a sound purchase at $2,195.

Meeeeeeep:

Jimmy Choo's Kani heels from the back. GOOOOOORgeous.

Now, before you think I've gone all Fashion Blog on you (hahaha, okay, we all know that's just silly, you have SEEN me before, right?), please note that I WISH I would be paid to pimp this shizz out. In my DREAMS. I've been searching online trying to find a knock off pair of Kani's. No luck so far. C'mon eBay sellers, make a girl's day, wouldja?

These shoes are one of 12 pairs available in Canada. They were runway. They are at Holt Renfrew, and I would cut a bitch for these babies.

Finally, if you haven't seen the best website ever in my sidebar over there ---->, you need to go to Dog-shaming.com.

Exhibit B, a sampling:

Oh. Hai. Lovez my head wrinkles. Ok. IMAGE FROM dog-shaming.com

Yeah, that's right. Dogs looking guilty as hell, or cocky as hell, after destroying and/or eating something. It is hilarious. I check it every single day, and I always laugh. It makes our crazy dogs seem so much better behaved. (SEEM... seem).

That's it for today. If you find those shoes as a knock-off, let me know!!!

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Blogger... You Piss Me Off

Reasons Blogger pisses me off? There are lots. Also? I have realized I hate a lot of things (outside of Blogger).

Also? I am copying jess’ writing style. Obviously.

1. If I said "I don't want any chocolate", you would check for fever and perhaps institutionalize me. If I said "I don't want squid", then I would assume you would listen to me and not give me squid. When Blogger asks me and I say "Don't track my page views" I would assume that would hold true. I click on a link to review. Goddamn page hit counts in the counter. I said DON'T track!
2. This is check-able by reviewing which post was being looked at. Thanks Blogger. Thanks for counting me in my stats. I am my biggest obsessed fucking fan so now I am messing with my own stats.
3. If I am in the comments box, replying to my awesome readers, and accidentally click their name when copying or scrolling (what, I am clutsy and have a Great Dane who pokes my arms while I type), I lose my entire damn comment while going to their profile page. Can't you temp-autosave my comment, too? Let the back button work and magically have text re-appear?
4. Why are the widgets so damn big? The text is so freakin' huge. I am mildly retarded and unable to modify this. I am also too cheap to pay someone to design this site (because no one cares about it THAT much). Let me RESIZE, mahfackkars.
5. I blame you for my inability to write code, or use more than bold or italics tags in html. I blame you for my lack of funny content. I blame you for my lack of legions of followers. I also blame you for my recent weight gain, my lack of good photo editing software, and this funny rash on my chin.
6. Also, what's this rumour I hear about you and weapons of mass destruction. Hmmmm? 
7. EDIT - I also hate your word "captchas". I feel like I am elderly and going blind while tripping on acid. Seriously... is the warped text really going to trick "spammers"? Prevent auto-word-captcha-filling? On this little blog? Whatever. I disabled that shit. Unless a person has a load of followers and is spammed hardcore, who needs that word verification shit? Hmmmm? HMMMMM?

What pisses you, my fellow bloggers, off with Blogger? How do you deal?

That is all.

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44 Baboons, Bitches!

First off, I was tagged and given some blog love from AmberLaShell Rants, and wanted to say thanks and give a shout back! Thanks Amber ;-)

So here is some randomness for lack of anything better inside my brain.

I saw this quiz over at Shatty Blaaagh (created by Oatmeal) and had to take it.

Just so you are aware:


Created by Oatmeal

Also:


Created by Oatmeal

I have to admit, I feel a little sorry for that lonely tapeworm, but he's gotta be one big mother-effer by now.

And that's all she wrote (for now)

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The Uber-Creative "My First Post" Post

So... as I embark on my blogging journey there is this overwhelming feeling and need to be witty. Different. Captivating. And super good looking. Okay, wait, nope, that's my boyfriend's (BF) job, not mine.

I thought that perhaps blogging could be an outlet for all the weird shit that runs through my mind on any given day... maybe ramble online and spare BF and THE MOTHER the painful conversations that are mostly one sided (me talking) because I'd post it all here and have other lurkers who will admit to thinking the same random, weird thoughts I do.

But that might be aiming too high. And who wants that? I say, aim low and you won't be disappointed. As badly. Oh shit, wait, that's Get Low.

There are so many options... I won't have the deep meaningful insight to serious challenges like my friend Rob over at Auditory Illusions. I won't be nearly as funny or ADHD as Allie Brosh over at Hyperbole And A Half (plus that girl's got MAD MS Paint skills that cannot be compared).

But maybe I can just write about crazy stuff, stupid things, inane ridiculous daily events that piss me off and make me honestly say out loud, "seriously?? really? seriously?".... 'cause Imma freak like that.

And if it doesn't work out? Abandon ship. Aim low.

Or if THAT fails, you could just get low low low low low low low low.

The way I see it, either way I will make THE MOTHER proud, as always.

See? THE MOTHER would be proud of this photo being published to the interwebs. I wonder how she handles all that welling-uppedness of pride?

Keep reading or I will come after you with my banana guns. Okay, that was lame. Pin It Now!