Friday, December 3, 2010

I Am Expecting...

So... all the tell tale signs are there.

  • Tiny stomach paunch
  • Crazy food cravings
  • Increased appetite
  • Sluggishness and fatigue.

Yes people, I am expecting.... to gain a shit load of weight in the next month or two on my recently prescribed medications.


So, yes, following my specialist's appointment, I have been put on 4 new medications, 3 of which cause weight gain. AWESOME. I have already been waking up with swollen face, which is totally awesome and almost got a photo for the blog (but eye crusties and pure laziness down-voted that idea faster than a ... um... all I can think of are rude sexual remarks so I will forge on).

Medication weight gain + increased appetite + Christmas season & associated all things sugary + Cannot drink alcohol.

Merry fucking Christmas y'all.

However, on a pregnancy related note, I wanted to let you all know that you can, in fact, buy a pregnancy test at the dollar store for $1.25 plus HST (13% tax for my non-Canadian friends). And it works (or at least I hope so, because it said it was negative).

The specialist phoned me at home and requested I take a pregnancy test before I underwent some tests at the hospital. (He didn't seem to understand that sex is required in order to become sperminated, but I digress...).

$18 pregnancy test kits are for suckers!! (Unless accuracy is important)....

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  1. are you on the 'roids? they are tres lame. know what else is lame? when someone thinks your pregnant when you aren't. yup. that's happened to me. awesome.
    anyway, don't worry because you are tres skinny! so if you gain a few from the meds? no big thing!!
    also? why do i keep saying tres?

  2. hugs it's all i can say coming from someone who knows all to well the side effects of meds. i was on steroids for 3yr straight then on/off of them for another 5 so i totally get it. you need another HUG

  3. Maybe I've been taking those meds.

  4. oh, UGH! Good luck w/ those meds. :\

  5. *jess - indeed, 'roids were prescribed. Not taking them yet, though. Just wait, you'll be able to tell because my posts will be really angry and my penis will shrink. Wait... that's not right...

    *becca - ugh, 5 years? That must have been hell. What is it with us blogger women and stomach issues/'roids?

    *George Wells - hmmm... yes, the meds and one or two bags of chips on the side. And the rest is just more man to love! ;-)

    *carmar76 - thanks carmar, I'm gonna need it!

  6. I hope you are doing OK. I've had several friends and family end up on those, and I'm thankful my prescriptions are for happy pills and allergies.

  7. You scared me for a minute there.

    Anyway, that sucks major testiculars. What sucks most is that you can't even drink.

  8. two kids and too much chocolate have given me a paunch. No need for meds to do that. Hope it is just a temp thing. Hugs

  9. It's the most fattening time of the year...meds not included.

    I would say "faster than a boulder sinking into a pond." ;-)

    -Barb the French Bean

  10. I always wonder what lengths people will go to save a few bucks. Don't get me wrong -- I like a deal. But there are a few things I'm not interested in getting a deal on...pregnancy tests and plastic surgery among them...

  11. *Tom G. - thanks, I'll be fine (well, you know, "fine" for me). So far, the weight is coming from the other meds. I better wear the HELL out of my skinny jeans now.

    *vickilikesfrogs - small for now... not for long.

    *Sarah Elizabeth - yeah, the title was underhanded... and the prohibition part seems criminal. That is flying out the window on new year's, hangover and blackouts be damned.

    *Mynx - i love me my chocolate, too. Even if it makes me barf. But in reality, the thinness was temporary because of being sick. So my weight will likely go somewhere from normal to overweight to stay. This one med. is probably long term. Booo.

    *Barb the French Bean - the odds are stacked against me. And I saw your post... I have to go see Shakira and her near-anorexic self.

  12. That was really funny actually, I hope everything goes okay with the medication, I hate having a swollen anything, LOL..

    check out my blog @

  13. Hope that things look up soon! I love chocolate. If you need a fix, you can always enter the free fudge contest I am running on my blog. Just comment on any post between now and the 9th, and you could have yummy chocolate zooming your way! ;-)

    Just scroll down to the free fudge post.

  14. Smart ass!!!! How dare you get my hopes up like that!
    You are definitely creative kiddo!
    I hope you at least enjoy fulfilling the food cravings.
    It'll be good practice for the real thing....

  15. ....hahaha...unless accuracy is important! I was sleepy and then I read your post! And now I'm laughing so hard, I suspect I'm not sleepy anymore...darn you Stephanie!

  16. Sometimes it's hard to overcome the meds, but relize you have a lot of control over yourself if you *want* to have control. Don't give in to letting yourself go, but don't sweat soem weight gain either. As we age our metabolism slows down and we gain weight and tend to blame it on everything out there. There are things we can do to keep our weight in chheck but most of us don't. I didn't, but now that my weight will directly relate to my quality of dating life I have shed a lot of weight (25 lbs in the last two months.) The secret is doing a bit of exercise almost every day and dropping the odd snack I was used to having. For me, 20 minutes on the treadmill keeping my heart rate at the top of the "zone" did wonders. I feel better, sleep better, and find I really enjoy the workout. I'm adding other stuff to my routine (some exercise on my Bowflex) to help tone the body.

    You might not be able to stop the weight gain altogether but maybe you can control how much you gain.


  17. *AmberLaShell - how true it is... swollen (almost) anything - bad. lol.

    *JuliaKoponick - mmmm chocolate. Thanks for stopping by and posting. I am admittedly too lazy to promote anyone's blog that enthusiastically, but you sound like a sweetheart and I hope that the contest goes well for you! Your little purses are very cute!

    *BettyBo - could you imagine if that is how you found out I was pregnant? That's worse than finding out on FB. Hey ma, guess what? I can't tell you... but read my blog... HA!

    *Sandra - sorry to have woken you up, but happy to have made you laugh! I just saved you $7 at Starbucks. No thanks needed. ;-)

    *V-Tom - it's true... I've just been exceptionally nauseas and have this vomiting issue that's been happening for about a year and a half, so exercise is tricky, but I am trying to ease back in to gentle stuff. And I need to lay off the Nutella.

  18. I love Nutella as well! Tht's why I don't buy it anymore! :(


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