How Many Days Is Too Many Without Showering?

What's that you say?

Half a day? Especially if you go to the gym?

What if you curl up in the fetal position in bed for three days with the puppy?

So three then?

No?

1.5 days?

Does taking the garbage bin in, during wet snow, sort of count as a shower?

Oh no, you seriously don't want to stick your tongue out around me. But in all seriousness... it is a wet snow shower, right? RIGHT??!!?

Hmmmm...

I might need to rethink this "self care" business...



(This post brought to you by my self restraint to go on a tirade about Keurigs and how hard it isn't to brew a regular cup of coffee? Really? Wait... I think... I think I just ranted anyway. F_ck.)


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Top 10 Things I Can Stop Worrying About, Post-Wedding

Besides the crippling anxiety, endless list of to do's, and second-guessing every decision ever made, here is a list of the Top 10 Things I Can Stop Worrying About, now that the wedding is over:

1. Backne/clogged pores anywhere/not showering fast enough after hot yoga, thereby compromising my ability to stay clogged-pore-free as my body mutates to destroy my complexion.
2. Moisturizing the SHIT out of my face.
3. Doing hot yoga to the point of so-exhausted-I-can-barely-turn-the-car-key-in-the-ignition-and-will-be-too-exhausted-to-shower-when-I-get-home. (See #1).
4. Tooth whitening. All that damn tooth whitening.
5. The weather. (It turned out to be a gorgeous, hot, sunny day. The New Husband's luck is wearing off on me! Wooot Woooot!)
6. Vomiting during the ceremony/photos/reception (no, seriously, I have major nausea issues all the time, non-pregnancy related).
7. Registering for stuff without feedback from The New Husband. (I should have recognized back then that the only two items he really cared about were the toaster and the luggage. Who knew. Well... I guess he did. Suppose I should have asked him....)
8. If the seamstress was going to f_ck up my dress alterations again, and ruin the only lace I had to be sewn on the front of the dress.
9. When to write my speech and what to say. Since I left it until 3:30am the morning of the wedding, now I just get to regret all that I forgot to include and wish I could say so much more to The New Husband. Well played, Stephanie. Well played.
10. Worrying if I would sound like a drunken sailor, when I surprised The New Husband by singing to him. Did I? Doesn't matter now, too late, it's been done. (James Morrison would possibly be rolling in his grave, you know, if he were dead).

LAaaaaaaaaaaaaa la laaaaaaaaaaaa laaaa la la...



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My Message To The World, via Cee Lo

NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK OR IN FRONT OF KIDS.

Well, I suppose it is fine for kids that have gutter mouths.

This pretty much sums up how I feel right now, for a multitude of reason. I'm lookin' at you Air Canada, Sri Lankan Air, Hotels.com, and Lufthansa.



SO CHIPPER, yet so bitter.

Like November.

Happy Tuesday, Y'all.


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