Copycat Post

Hi Y'all!

I was snooping around Jumble Mash's (Mashes?) Blog and saw this post and thought I would be a shit and copy cat (with a shout out with love). Jumble seems to have also shouted to Leigh at her corner of the interwebs.

So, without further ado, a list post:

{1.} do you collect anything? if so, what and how long have you been collecting?

 I used to collect anything Scooby Doo, but once BF and I started living in sin, he quickly made it apparent that he was not a fan of bedding/oversized stuffed animals/figurines/tacky shit with Scooby Doo on it.

 I collected from about 1995 to 2007.

I bet the culprit was Old Man Withers BF, who lives down by the "haunted" mansion!

{2.} what is one cleaning tip that you swear by?

Is this question a joke? Do you know I did dishes last night that had been there since THANKSGIVING, i.shit.you.not. They weren't really dirty, but I hate cleaning. BF would probably say my tip to swear by is "leave it long enough and someone else will be so repulsed they will clean it instead". So... yeah.

{3.} who would you call for bail money?

My beloved sugar daddy  uh fine piece of ass I mean BF, of course. If he was away, then THE MOTHER would bail my ass out, stat.

{4.} what is one thing you miss about being a kid?

Not feeling ashamed of who I am. Nope... wait, I felt that then, too. Ummm. how about, playing Barbies? Slutty Barbies. 

Or seeing your parents in super-duper-awesome health and knowing they know EVERYTHING in the world and can fix ANY problem. 

Hi there, seven year olds should play with me.

{5.} name a few of your guilty pleasures.

Gorging on mini-chocolate bars   free online porn   singing Rock Band 2 until the wee hours of the morning   checking my blog stats obsessively (Why?? Dunno.)   sleeping in until noon on Saturdays   drinking an entire bottle of red on a Friday night, alone at times   I can't think of a good answer to this one, I really don't have any guilty pleasures. Sorry.

What? No, I didn't make these a few months ago on the Rock Band take-a-photo-of-your-character online tool. No, I wouldn't do that.... *shifts awkwardly from foot to foot*

{6.} how early do you start your holiday shopping?

Well, before you all hate me and leave me, be warned I have a very bah-humbug-esque post that I have been mentally drafting. That being said, I leave things late, my father always buys himself what he wants beforehand, my niece and nephew get awesome shit I can't justify buying for them (from the grandparents) and I HATE crowded malls. More specifically, mall parking lots. So... very late. And often online.

{7.} what is a family tradition that you would like to pass on to your significant other/children?

Giving the family dog his or her new bone/stuffed animal on Christmas morning, so they are a part of the festivities. Beyond that, sadly I don't know. 

Christmas morning, 2008, with Scooby Doo

{8.} what do you consider your greatest achievement?

As I commented on Jumble's blog...I have no good answer for this one. I feel like I have yet to achieve great things, which saddens me, as I have no plan in place. Actually you know what? Forget that! I CHANGED MY MIND! I was a fantastic mom to my fur-baby, Scooby Doo (a real, live dog), for 13.5 years. She was my world and I loved her with every inch of my being, so I would say - being Scooby and Mr. Grey's mom. They are gone now, and I miss them.

{9.} what do you do to pamper yourself?

Pamper? Hot Epsom salt bath with a frivolous magazine (that actually usually pisses me off because of the fluffy, bullshit content, but... that never seems to stop me). Other than that, I suppose pay too much to get my "hair did" at the salon, but I have long hair, so not much choice.

{10.} if you were to start your own restaurant, what would it be called?

Miserable-Tasteless-Probably-Burnt-Depressing-Gluten-Free-Vegan-No-Nuts/Coconuts/Soy Restaurant. It'd be a hit with the University vegan crowd, and maybe the Emo [EDIT: hipster] crowd. I would serve rice pasta with bland tomato sauce, organic brown rice cakes with organic hummus, and provide an apology letter for the quality and taste with every receipt.

How about you guys? Do the list and post your link in the comments. Also, feel free to tell me how awesome my theft post was. Thanks. *emphasizes sarcasm*

Outtake: Schultz wanted some massive Scooby stuffing action.

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Blogger... You Piss Me Off

Reasons Blogger pisses me off? There are lots. Also? I have realized I hate a lot of things (outside of Blogger).

Also? I am copying jess’ writing style. Obviously.

1. If I said "I don't want any chocolate", you would check for fever and perhaps institutionalize me. If I said "I don't want squid", then I would assume you would listen to me and not give me squid. When Blogger asks me and I say "Don't track my page views" I would assume that would hold true. I click on a link to review. Goddamn page hit counts in the counter. I said DON'T track!
2. This is check-able by reviewing which post was being looked at. Thanks Blogger. Thanks for counting me in my stats. I am my biggest obsessed fucking fan so now I am messing with my own stats.
3. If I am in the comments box, replying to my awesome readers, and accidentally click their name when copying or scrolling (what, I am clutsy and have a Great Dane who pokes my arms while I type), I lose my entire damn comment while going to their profile page. Can't you temp-autosave my comment, too? Let the back button work and magically have text re-appear?
4. Why are the widgets so damn big? The text is so freakin' huge. I am mildly retarded and unable to modify this. I am also too cheap to pay someone to design this site (because no one cares about it THAT much). Let me RESIZE, mahfackkars.
5. I blame you for my inability to write code, or use more than bold or italics tags in html. I blame you for my lack of funny content. I blame you for my lack of legions of followers. I also blame you for my recent weight gain, my lack of good photo editing software, and this funny rash on my chin.
6. Also, what's this rumour I hear about you and weapons of mass destruction. Hmmmm? 
7. EDIT - I also hate your word "captchas". I feel like I am elderly and going blind while tripping on acid. Seriously... is the warped text really going to trick "spammers"? Prevent auto-word-captcha-filling? On this little blog? Whatever. I disabled that shit. Unless a person has a load of followers and is spammed hardcore, who needs that word verification shit? Hmmmm? HMMMMM?

What pisses you, my fellow bloggers, off with Blogger? How do you deal?

That is all.

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I Slayed The Butterfinger!

Oh yeah. Corn, dairy, gluten, wheat, and nuts be damned.

Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger(s).

I tried one of these when was in the U.S.A. many years ago in my youth, (because who could resist Bart Simpson's marketing tactics? And skateboard?) and I fell in love. Hard. Not with him, with the mighty Butterfinger.

Well, I learned last year that my deeply detested, self-loathing-inducer beloved Walmart carries these bad boys in "mini" size at Halloween. Oooooooh Baby. I bought three bags. (Okay, and one bag BEFORE Halloween).

Aaaaah Butterfinger........ *shudder*

Okay, side note, I totally googled "orgasm face" and found this picture immediately. This girl LOOKS like me, appears to have a mark where a nose ring would be (where mine USED to be) and has similar ear piercings in the same spots (but my third lower one is now defunct). If I didn't know any better, I would seriously think this was me. But it is not. Seriously, really, seriously. I even have two yellow towels like that. Day-um.

That also reminds me - I found this naked-artsy picture once and told a friend it was me. It LOOKS like it could have been me. But again, it is not. If I find it, I will post it for you. Because I am sure that would interest you. You pervs.

The partial aftermath (this was bag #2 remnants). (No, this is not the artsy nude photo in my likeness. Though I see how you might confuse a that and a pretty pink trash bag).

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I force fed BF perhaps 10 at best. I gave my dad one at a hockey game. I also gave my niece one. I bought three bags of 30 count. That means that approximately 78 of these bastards are making their way (albeit painfully) through my digestive tract, with a direct endgoal of my ass/saddlebaggage.

Stupid lack of self-control + 50% off candy + Bart Simpson + Mmmmmmm chocolate.

I am finally (supposedly) going back to blond(er) tomorrow. Wish me luck because we all know how well salon and spa experiences tend to work out for me.

I hope these babies don't decide to revolt or make some sort of statement while I am sitting in a salon chair with crazy ass foils all over the place at the mall. (Why ARE mall bathrooms always so far away, no matter where you are in the mall??!)

I digress. And by digress I mean "publish, go to bed, and don't look back."



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