Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Oh Shit.

Do you ever do that thing?

You know, that thing where you're kind of unaware and then that thing starts happening?

For me it started innocently enough. I traded my old impala in for a nice, compact, fuel-efficient car. (points for better gas mileage and environmental consideration).

Fast forward about 3.5 years and I'm in the new (okay, 2006) compact car.
After running to various flower shops, quite inefficiently, all the while failing to find purple roses for my niece's birthday.
Rush, rush, rush.
After having poorly planned the day and getting on the treadmill late, and being chubby and stinky, and showering late and.... (less points for poor time management and stupidity).

You know, that thing where you remind your husband to check his windshield washer fluid as he's driving, because you're terrified you'll get stuck behind a transport on the highway in slushy weather with no wiper fluid to save your ass from filthy, sandy mush, flung high speed at your windshield. Like it did to you two years ago in your compact car and you nearly drove off the highway because you couldn't see. You know, right? (less points for being an annoyingly nagging wife).

That thing where you ensured he checked his, BUT DIDN'T CHECK YOUR OWN. Because you keep forgetting that it was the OLD IMPALA that had the courtesy to let you know that you were getting LOW on fluid, whereas the new compact car just says;

"Hey you stupid motherf_cker, looks like you're outta washer fluid!!"
"Have a nice    day   death!"

You know, that thing. Where you are on the highway, doing 125 km/hr, trying to arrive with non-purple roses in time in another city, in the fast lane, in rainy/slushy weather.

And that damn OH-SHIT light comes on.

Oh well, I lived to make it to the next town and thank goodness had the paranoia and foresight to pack extra washer fluid in the trunk (I ABHOR paying $6 at the gas station for it when you can get it for $2 at the grocery store).

Lived to tell the tale. (bonus points for surviving an untimely death).

Damn I hate this compact minimalist-bells-and-whistles business.

I need a Hummer. Or, rather, maybe my husband does (tee hee).

After all, his washer fluid WAS topped up and I ran out...
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  1. I check mine on a rainy/slushy day for this very reason!

    And I drive a compact and don't have this issue. If you buy a base model it may have a sucky light, but mine lets me know when it's under 10%. I still get half a dozen squirts from it (snicker)

    1. @Lost.in.Idaho - This is why you are superior to me. And my Honda might as well light up the middle finger, 'cause when it lights up, I AM STONE COLD OUT of fluid. Well, you know, the car and not me.

  2. I love how you make mundane, boring, and dangerous (LOL) things sound funny and interesting. This made me giggle. Your flare for comedy makes me think you should give screenwriting a shot. Or maybe you already have?

    Have a great, non-slushy and non-dangerous day!

    1. @Chris - You know what? I'd love to do writing for anything... anything at all freelance and get paid. But I have no idea how to go about it, assume this blog would be too vulgar to use as sample writing, and figured I would generally suck.

      If you can offer any pointers, PLEASE send them my way! And thanks for the ego boost. You are a sweetheart.

  3. I have a compact economical car. You make me thankful we dont get shushy stuff

    1. @Mynx - But on the flip side you guys have GIANT spiders, right? So it's really terrifying either way.

  4. That' reminds me.. Gotta check my washer fluid. I don't think I've filed it since I bought this car.

  5. That reminds me of the....wait did you say HUMMER?
    got to go wake up the wife...

  6. You said ABHOR!!! Double points for that!!

    I'm pretty good about checking fluids...in the car I mean. Although oil changes are another story. I should probably schedule one of those....

  7. Makes me wonder what will happen when the tank is about to run out of gas. :P

    -Barb the French Bean

  8. My fluids are fine but my wipers are shot to hell. There's always a way to say "oh shit!" no matter what. =P

  9. I'm so lame about taking care of my car that there is now currently a short somewhere so the ABS light is on half the time, the windshield wipers only work intermittently, the change oil light is on, the low washer fluid light is on, and the heat is a crabby bitch at best. On the plus side, since I refuse to fix the fuel pump, I always keep the gas tank at least a quarter full, so I never get the low gas light. Thanks be to grilled cheesus I live in sunny California.

  10. The other day my husband checked my oil and I was practically out, yet my oil light never went on. Stupid economy car.

  11. I just drove for 5 hours on slushy/dirty roads with no wiper fluid. But I'm a poor grad student that prioritizes beer over vehicle safety, so I couldn't buy any. Instead I would wait until a big semi went by me and covered my windshield with slushy dirt...THEN I would turn the wipers on. When things got really desperate, I pulled over and washed my windows with Windex and paper towel that I stole from my mom's house. Times are tough! Glad you made it okay!


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