Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Perfect Outfit

Ever wearing a perfectly comfortable sports bra and pair of  Great Dane drool-covered   knock off Lulu Lemon   likely should have been washed two days ago  yoga pants and think to yourself:

SELF: "You know what self? I feel too... I dunno... free in these pants. I feel as if something is missing."

You ponder this for a moment and then eventually come to the realization that what you are lacking is skin tight razor denim thrashing its own path through your ladybits.

How you missed it all along is beyond me, but facts are facts.

You need some seriously skin tight denim in order to feel complete.

SELF: "But, self, even with that, I feel almost claustraphobic. Like my torso just needs to shout to the world  'Look at me, bitches! Look at me in all my glory! Take me in! Desire me!' You understand, right self?"

So you come up with a solution there.

One that requires fishnet. And not JUST fishnet, but MORE fishnet. (imagine Christopher Walken saying it like "cow bell"...)

BUT,

In order to remain out of prison for indecent exposure, you realize you have to subject your torso to a little boob coverage. Just a little. I mean, those ARE AMPLE breasts you have there, Self.

SELF: "At least I can make that shit RAINBOW."

So you're almost there. Your yoga pants be damned. Your properly fitted sports bra? Well now, those are for  pussies   athletes  people with taste  pansies.

SELF: "I just... I just need something to really stand out. Like REALLY stand out. Some bling or some such flair! Ooooh... twinkle, twinkle, bitches."

And the shoes? Ah f_ck it, I'll just throw on my flip flops.


Do my toes look big in these sandals? (Image via "People of Walmart")


Thaaaaaaaaaaaat's the ticket.

___________
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27 comments:

  1. Seriously???? I mean don't these people have mirrors - or look in a shop window FFS!? Too funny, just too ridiculously funny!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Marlia - Don't hate just because she is lookin' so fly. Your bad self is just wanting the same fashion sense. ;)

      p.s. Lovely photos on yer blog.

      Delete
    2. OMG I think yer right!!!! We don't have Walmart here but we DO have K-mart. And I just wanna fit in right?

      RE my blog - thanks - there are more there but you'd have to trawl through the posts - too hard. I put new ones up regularly.

      Delete
    3. @Marlia - ANYONE in a see-through fishnet top just wants to fit in. BLEND IN, really. Don't worry, we all feel the same.

      I bet K-Mart would have even scarier Halloween outfits. Maybe.

      I just really want a pair of those shorts, so that I can never stand, walk, or sit down comfortably again. lol.

      I'll be on the lookout for more nature pics. A nice change from grey winter.

      Delete
  2. And you just know she's thinking. "I'm gonna catch me a man in this sassy outfit! They won't be able to resist such sexiness!"

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    Replies
    1. @On My Soapbox - For all we know, he's pushing the cart, proud of his arm candy. lol. SASSY!

      Delete
  3. Oh my, I'm surprised they didn't ask her to leave the store. That has to be one of the worst outfits I've ever seen!

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    Replies
    1. @Belle - I think Walmart is the epitome of apathy... the worst they would ask her for is ID if she tried to return something without a receipt.

      Delete
  4. Oh dear, people really go out looking like that? Well that makes me feel better when I go to Zumba in my painting shorts lol

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    Replies
    1. @Mynx - You know you look great any time at Zumba. And you know what? I kind of envy her that she thinks she looks good. It does take courage to wear something like that.

      Delete
    2. Courage or complete craziness.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. @Althea - Burning with HOTNESS, right??

      Delete
    2. @Althea - Excellent. Hot booty, hot body, hot retinas.

      Delete
  6. From now on, whenever I think of Christopher Walken, I will think of scary fishnet tops.

    -Barb the French Bean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Barb (The Beans) - You are so welcome. It's like I also provide free public service here. lol.

      Delete
  7. So THAT'S what happens if you NEVER wear a bra. *runs to glue sports bra on*

    Ya know, I really think the star necklace just totally makes the whole ensemble. Really. *must go burn retinas*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @J.Day - It's just like "The Office". The more flair, the better.

      And be careful with hot glue guns, lady!

      Delete
  8. Makes sense to me! hahhahhaha

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  9. Wait, does she get those clothes at Wal Mart? Or did she just get caught in a net down at the docks?

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    Replies
    1. @Leauxra - I think one has to troll carefully during the Halloween sales to find threads that fine. I could be wrong, though, since I haven't acquired such an outfit.

      lol @ the Docks.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. @Dan - You are a man of few words today, but a very, very appropriate man of few words. heh.

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. @Michael - I think you misspelled "stunningly beautiful".

      Delete

I get far too excited when new comments come in here...