For no good reason, in no particular order, my list.
The antithesis of 1,000 awesome things (both shorter AND completely negative):
That's it for now.
How truly uninspiring.
You are welcome.
If you leave me a comment, tell me THREE RANDOM THINGS that piss you off.
______________________
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The antithesis of 1,000 awesome things (both shorter AND completely negative):
- My propensity for injury in ANY given situation
- Fashion magazines and/or Photoshopping women's bodies to completely unrealistic or unhealthy standards
- Wet, heavy snow that causes a full body sweat to shovel
- Constipation
- Diarrhea (you know - wet, heavy poo that causes a full body sweat)
- Your mother (just kidding, she's probably a very nice woman who bakes things)
- Your mother (because she causes a full body sweat, too)
- Gluten (that shit is in EVERYTHING)
- Cool air humidifiers (scented or unscented)
- Pretentious, obscenely expensive weddings
- Wearing sleeveless pajamas and waking up all night because my shoulders are cold
- Polyester pants (you know - the whole half body sweat thing)
- Half-visible, half frozen boogers that you have no idea are taking up real estate in your nose, while walking your dog outside
That's it for now.
How truly uninspiring.
You are welcome.
If you leave me a comment, tell me THREE RANDOM THINGS that piss you off.
______________________
People who hang up without saying goodbye.. especially from a cellphone so there is no audible click.
ReplyDeleteSkinny jeans
Stupid facebook statuses that try to guilt trip you into reposting because frankly, I wasn't going to repost anyway, but now I'm just pissed off at being guilt-tripped so now I'm REALLY not going to. So fuck you, Facebook Status.
@Yandie, Goddess of Pickles - I am a long good-bye-er, so that would be high on my list.
DeleteI have a love-hate thing with skinny jeans, now that I have gained all this weight. They make me look like a big triangle, but I love wearing boots over my pants...
AGREED on the statuses.
VERY SOLID LIST!
Heat, humidity and beaming sunshine.
ReplyDeleteBefore you revolt against me sitting in the snowed-in North, allow me to explain *why*.
I live in Miami, which means that for 10 months of the year, I *never* have the chance of having a great hair day, no matter how much anti-frizz hair products I massage into my scalp. Also: the sun is an evil, evil thing that causes you to break out in to full body sweats and char your skin off in 2nd-degree burns. Not fun.
-Barb
@Barb - I knew your reasoning instantly. I feel your pain, even though I am sitting in my house, in a mild winter, with two sweaters on.
DeleteFrizzy hair is the shits. Humidity = sweat, clearly, which also sucks.
And I love the sunshine but fear the burn and/or skin cancer.
Again, SOLID LIST!
the Sendin twins
ReplyDeletebeing sold into buying *romantic and jewlery* shit for valentines day for your best girl...sides...everyone knows the best gift is Vodka!
finding other dogs frozen shit in your yard, cuz some douchbaggery slizbucket was too lazy to pick up their pet's poop...
oh the list goes on...
cats...
jus'sayin'
@bruce - HIYA Bruce!
DeleteI think siblings in the same professional sport is just crazy!! And I hate celebrity sellouts, even though I would do the same thing if I ever was a celeb!!
Rock on vodka!
I forgot to mention other people's dog shit on the boulevard. That should have been in my list. HATE HATE HATE it!
And Schultz is with you on the cats...
3 things I that irritate me:
ReplyDeleteUrban wildlife. Especially racoons. And especially squirrels. And also especially skunks.
Forgetting to call the oil company to refill the oil tank and then running out of oil and then getting very, very cold.
Running out of chocolate. Again.
@Stephanie - I try to pet them all and it never ends well for me.
DeleteRunning out of heat and chocolate would make me a very VERY dangerous person to be around!
1) People who leave their cell phones in the cubicles when they leave for a long lunch, while someone is desperately trying to get in touch with them and their ring tone is A) Eminem or B) An old fashioned telephone ringing.
ReplyDelete2) When someone walks by my cubicle and lets out a fart RIGHT AT THE ENTRY
3) When I accidentaly fart right when I am passing someone's cube. Sorry dude, I promise, I wasn't crop dusting on purpose.
Sorry. Beans for lunch, kinda on my mind...
LOL.........see my comment on people farting in the damn elevator.
Delete@Leauxra - You better lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow... that gas into my cubicle door!
DeleteI feel so bad for my co-workers before I was gluten free. I was NOXIOUS. And I will hold it in to painful levels in an elevator. ;)
1) People that find my home number and call me because they forgot to call the vet's office WHEN IT WAS OPEN and their pets need shots. I'm sorry, but HOW is this MY problem? And why the fuck is my number listed?!?!?!
ReplyDelete2) My procrastination. I get so mad at myself for leaving crap til the last minute. Every month I have a dozen articles to write in about a day or two because I waited three weeks to do it. Someone needs to light a fire under my ass.
3) Telemarketers that leave messages. No, I don't own my own house so refinancing is not an option. No, I don't want pay Google a fortune because everyone in the valley knows about our business and that's all we need. No, my carpets don't need cleaning. No, I don't need the trees trimmed. And I definitely DO NOT want to contribute to some douche-nozzle politician's campaign.
1. Husband who calls home from out of town (on travel expense) to complain that his filet mignon is not done to perfection and his martini is not so cold it makes his teeth ache, while I enjoy the cardboard deliciousness of microwave popcorn with two six-year-olds watching SpongeBob. There is not enough wine. or whine. Whatevs.
Delete2. Geriatric drivers who cannot on the pain of walker failure find the accelerator and WILL NOT turn right on red. Hey, y'all, it's LEGAL.
3. The fact that women don't get paid leave when they're on the rag. Seriously? If it was men......
Love the 3rd one J Day - how true!!!
Delete@J.Day - So you're telling me I should probably leave my awesome vet alone on Facebook then, huh? In all honesty, that would be VERY annoying.
DeleteSometimes I HATE myself for the lack of my accomplishments from the mundane to the big dreams. We both need to kick each other in the ass for the motivation maybe?
Telemarketers. UH.
@Anonymous - Sounds like you and the hubs need to talk that shit out. That ain't fair! Also? YEEEEEEEESSSSSS to geriatric drivers. Soooo frustrating.
Rag pain = debilitating. At least a half day, for chrissakes!
1- People that walk slow in front of me. Unless you're handicapped, a geezer, or having a temporary mobility issue like a broken leg, pick it up and get that ass moving.
ReplyDelete2- Women that tug at their clothing, especially yanking down on a stretchy top to cover their butt. If you've got the abs or legs to show off, then do it, but don't wear show off clothes then yank them to compensate for a poor fit.
3- Meetings without an agenda or a chairman, with everybody babbling at once, when I'm not allowed to run it.
@Keith - You are just so active and fit, I am CERTAIN you would declare me a slow walker!! I hate it when slow walkers walk 3 or 4-ply, making it impossible to pass!
DeleteI yank. And tug. 'Cause I got chubby. And didn't buy new clothes. But you make a valid point. Wear it with confidence. I feel awkward when I see other people tugging self-consciously at their clothes.
I think most meetings are wastes of time. If everyone had to stand, they would go much faster. Though my falling asleep would become more obvious.
1. George Bush
ReplyDelete2. Lon - no I mean Dick Cheney.
3. Karl Rove.
4. Wall Street - that one is a bonus answer.
LOL.........love the Lon Cheney comment. You get extra points for Wall Street as well.
Delete@Belle - What about the 1%? I only like Dick Cheney when it's Jon Stewart impersonating him in stand up. Or if Dick were more like Lon. You know, silent.
Delete@Mike - That Belle, she's funny AND smart!
1 - cramps. UGH!
ReplyDelete2 - friend posting argumentative comments on my status because they don't agree w/ it.
3 - pain in general. Double UGH!
@carmar76 - Yes. Agreed - debilitating and worth a half day off work. Sometimes dialogue is good over hot topics, but it still pisses me off when people challenge my status. Thank goodness most of my updates are on my patheticness and/or injuries. Which leads to your last point - PAIN. OH HOW I AGREE!!!
DeletePeople who don't pay attention to when their turn is at a four way stop.
ReplyDeleteMy dog when she steals food from the kitchen counter.
Sinus infections.
@thesacredandtheprofane - I know. TIMING AND RIGHT OF WAY. HOW hard is that? Grrrrrr. I'm always pissed if the dog gets it AFTER I've chopped/prepped/cooked the food. Not as mad if he gets the frozen empty pizza shell, but still mad. lol.
DeleteI had sinus infections for about 4 years non stop. Stopped eating wheat, stopped getting infections. Crazy!
1. Being summoned to visit the Mother in Law
ReplyDelete2. People who say one thing but do another - Hypocrites!!
3. Stupid customers who question everything, like I really know the reason why your parcel came to my post office instead of the regular one. Or cant see why you might actually need ID to collect something important like a passport. Gahhhh
(you did ask and I am in a bit of a cranky mood today...I dont like painting boats either)
@Mynx - I'm so fortunate that I love my MIL. Thank goodness!! Hypocrites indeed, though I am sure to have countered my own self from time to time (I think, anyway). Yeah, that would be painful at the post office. Too bad you can't backhand the annoying ones.
DeleteAlso? I HATE PAINTING ANYTHING. Except for maybe artistic painting. Which I need to do. Because I love yours and your creativity.
I NEED A CANVAS, DAMMIT!!
Only three?
ReplyDelete1) Being congested. I will forsake all other peeves except for this. Not being able to breathe freely gives me intense discomfort and anger.
2) Slow walkers
3) People who STOP at a YIELD sign
@Michael - Indeed. Advil cold and sinus and me had a hot love affair in early January, thank goodness.
DeleteYou and Keith need to meet up and find a way to defeat the slow walkers!
Yeah, stopping at yields, not knowing what to do at a four way stop, confused by roundabouts and rolling through stop signs. No wait. I do those last two things. Disregard.
Ooooooh yeah...you got me going now:
ReplyDeletePizza boxes. Almost impossible to dispose of, or destroy. You can't even reuse them as garage sale signs because of the grease stain. Useless piece of crap. You have to take a case cutter to them, like the ones the 9/11 terrorists used, to get it down to garbage can opening size.
Snow plows that leave a mountain ridge across your driveway. And then, and THEN, after having shoveled it away so that you can get your car out to go to work, you get home from work to find...YES, A SECOND RUN BY THE PLOW.
The “one size fits all” mentality. Be it gloves, hats, socks, whatever. They never fit. I have a pair of gloves which have thumbs that are at least an inch too long. The other digits are the right length. This is particularly irritating when trying to hold a key to open a door lock, or start the car, for example. And I don't even want to talk about drawers. I have noticed that since we have given over our product making abilities to the Chinese, that this is the only way one can buy certain products. WTF...do the Chinese only come in one size?
@jadedj - I am with you on the pizza boxes. Here if we rip them up small enough, they can go in our food waste/compost bins if they are greasy. The only problem is that reducing them to that size is just as impossible as you say, dammit.
DeleteOh, the snow plows. Because it isn't just SNOW, it's rock hard, icy, super-salt-defeating-compacted SUPER SNOW. That is full body sweat shovelling, indeed.
I always have to take my mitts or gloves off to do anything with any kind of dexterity. I assumed I was just "smaller" for accessory one size fits all and.. umm.. that they made the clothing too small for THAT one size fits all. You know.
AND Thanks for stopping in here and commenting!!
DeleteDon't EVEN get me started:
ReplyDeletePeople who drive precisely six inches behind my rear bumper at 60 MPH and end up stopping at the same freakin stop light I do.
Small items packed in so much plastic that it takes you ten minutes and 3 band aids to open.
People that fart in elevators. C'mon people - the car IS going to stop at the next floor and when we get on, we don't KNOW it was you?
Living in Florida I can't say I've experienced the half-frozen boogers but thank you for the visual. :-)
@Mike - Welcome! Thanks for commenting, I think the people on your bumper are higher up here in the comments section. lol.
DeleteThe 3 bandaids are from trying to use a box cutter, right?
I will hold those elevator suckers in, if it kills me.
And you are welcome for the booger visual. Maybe next time there will be photos!! I'm nothing, if not CLASSY!!