Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Joy Of Pets

Pets can be awesome. Pets can be fun. Pets can try to eat your veterinarian. Occasionally, their own feces. Such complex creatures, they are.

Pets can be special, like Allie's dog Katie. Pets can be more feral than snuggly/domestic, like Jody's. Pets can be a source of joy and boundless love. Pets think you are da SHIT. Well, generally, anyway.

Disclaimer: I have tried to make some funnies here, but truth be told I have a ton of emotions mixed up in all of this... the loss of past pets, the awful experience Schultz had, and lots of other things. So please make sure you take as much of the funnies part as possible.

Our dog was a rescue from Loyal Rescue, after a puppy mill bust in Quebec. Normally, I adopt from my beloved Brantford SPCA, but I happened to be searching for a cat after the death of my inspiring, loving, wonderful blind grey tabby Mr. Grey, and I tried searching for special needs pets on

We already had my beloved Scooby Doo, and I thought perhaps she could use a companion.

Instead, a goofy looking ad popped up with a great dane on it, and I thought "Hmmm... I wonder..."

I came across this fellow, and my heart melted:
Severely underweight, abused, scared, scarred, exhausted. And yup, that's his penis sticking out. And his vertebrae.

So we brought him home on January 3, 2009.

Now, when I leave the house, and come back later on (45 seconds if it is to put out the green bin and recycling, 15 minutes if I am going to the gym... haha just kidding...    We all know I don't go to the gym.) my boy is so bloody happy to see me, it's like he was certain he was abandoned in the house, all hope was lost and he was destined to spend eternity in a comfortably air conditioned house with easily accessible dog food and lots of places to pee away from his own bed. The horror!

Now, let's face it, when I leave, BF is like "hey... yeah, have fun, don't rush back, we're good here. You gone for a few hours? Days? Have fun with that." Whereas Schultz (the dog) is all FREAKIN' PUMPED when I walk back in because I forgot my sunglasses!!

"Oh hey, hey mom, hey, hey, what's up, you're back, yay! let me watch you type on your laptop while I lay on my one bed or maybe my other bed. hi mom! here's a stuffy (stuffed animal), I don't mind sharing, since you came back and all, hey, hey mom, hi! how are you! you came back! I have a stuffy! let's go pl...."  (then he sees BF and loses interest in me, but still, I relish those 20 seconds of being adored by Schultz).

Kind of like this:

(Okay, BF never acts like that, but I was trying to emphasize the juxtaposition between the two mentalities of male vs. pet)

For a year, Schultz shared company with my beloved unknown-mixed-breed, my 13 year old girl, Scooby Doo, who I miss terribly. She was an excellent friend who fought hard to be strong for me 'til the end. She did her best to stick with me, but I absolutely had to let her go in January of this year.

Before he learned he could overpower 4'-0" high chain link fence.
Before he knocked her over one time too many, they did play in the back yard and it was precious. (Grainy, using my digital camera, but precious).

See them here:

Just imagine the world for a dog:
  • Genital licking - accepted, if not expected, by society in general
  • Ability to fart shamelessly, anywhere, any time
  • Smaller carbon footprint - no toilet paper
  • Happy to eat just about anything, including (but not limited to):
    • tubs of margarine (yes, my sister's dog Kody has done that)
    • baby socks (Kody left them processed but intact in the back yard),
    • scrunchies (Kody)
    • shaving razors (that was a fluke, Schultz is nuts, my suction cup fell off the shower wall and he somehow felt the need to try to eat it - which he didn't do, but damn, he tried)
    • cat food
    • cat feces
    • cats
    • foam bedding
    • chocolate (this is toxic to dogs, but... apparently Kody has a high resistance to toxic items.... uh... good boy?)
    • anything with stuffing or strings that will cost $100 for the vet to say "keep an eye on the coughing"
    • soap. that had to be brought back up by the vet. after feces had been eaten. the pregnant vet and techs were all either also vomiting, or near vomiting. (Schultz is such a charmer).
    • occasionally dry dog food
  • SQUIRREL! (no, no, not to eat, see how the bullet point is back out there at the main list??)

Schultz has lots of issues once he gets out the front door or is at the front door. Being restrained seems to trigger something awful in him, which is saddening but also hard to manage. I have to take him to the vet tomorrow, wish me luck. Last time he bit me hard, twice.

So... yesterday I was in a somewhat serious meeting with my boss and a colleague. We were discussing an issue that could potentially be brought to litigation. What did I do while feeling uncomfortably scrutinized and cold in the overly air-conditioned office? Be serious and calm? No. I saw a squirrel outside his window and, in keeping with my professionalism and appropriateness-at-all-times, I spurted out "SQUIRREL!" and laughed to my colleague. Yup.

The Joy of Pets.

Pretty sure I was the only one amused. And the only one who wasn't questioning my sanity. (Well, 'cause I know it's already teetering).


We are 99% certain that Schultz is the large breed dog discussed in the July 2009 issue of Reader's Digest (Titled "Canada's Puppy Mill Scandal" by Ray Argyle, but I can't find an active link). My mom gave me the hard copy but I either misplaced it or recycled it (which is not like me). He even had to have tail surgery where it had split open. He's been through a lot.

Happy now. :-)

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  1. first - SO sorry about the loss of scooby :(

    second - one of my dogs bites sometimes when he get's scared... it's AWFUL, isn't it? you don't want to think your lovey is capable of chomping down on someone, and then they do and it's so hard. i know for me i feel so responsible. don't blame ivan, it's MY FAULT because i'm a bad dog mommy! i've called behaviorists in tears, the vet in tears, my mum in tears, because i just can't deal with the fact that my little mush bit his mommy. and a vet tech. and a friend who was playing too rough.
    but he really is a good boy.

    okay... i'm done now!! anyway, what i meant to say before my diarrhea of the mouth took over was: i get it!
    also, we call them suffies too! :P

  2. Poor Shultz-y. He does mean well and we all love him....slightly frightened of him, but we still love him.

    I wonder if I brought miss kitty over, if he would thinks she was a stuffie?

    I found a dead bug on my bed tonight which I'm assuming must have crawled out of her fur and died...nice!

  3. Scooby was precious and so is her memory.....
    She will always be your baby girl.

    Schultz tries hard to be good, but he hasn't quite gotten the hang of
    He had a very rough start, but now he has a loving home and great 'parents'.
    I am happy for him....and for you.

  4. Jess - Thanks for your condolences. She was a truly amazing girl and she will be forever missed.

    And I *DO* feel like a bad dog-mommy. We try these techniques and bring in trainers and do what we can, but it just isn't enough. We can keep trying and trying, and the trainers are more than happy to keep charging and charging. But I have a new lead and I am hopeful!

    It's hard with a 140lb dane.

    Jody - after the escape you made after new years, the fear is understandable! lol. Now we have ways to manage the coming and going... if we could only address the drooling...

    BettyBo - I second you on Scoobers. Gawd I miss her. And Schultzy... he kind of tries I guess? There is something in his mind we just don't understand. But at least he is loved and safe now and is very happy inside with us, or outside when it is quiet in the yard. He can only be as good as his owners. And we sort of suck. lol.


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...