Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I Hate You Wal-Mart

But it won't stop me from buying from you. And hating myself for it. (Maybe it's my lack of self control/restraint that I hate? Noooo, no, it must be Wal-Mart).

Why is it that I can never - I REPEAT - never ever leave you without spending a minimum of $50? I go in for spinach and laundry detergent and I leave with a cartful of shizz and I am typically $80-$120 poorer.

What's that you say? Just don't get a cart? I've tried that approach, and in the end my arms are totally overwhelmed, I am even crankier, and I ultimately have to grab a basket (that then becomes overfilled and exceptionally heavy) and balance all my crap until I give up and go to the checkout.

Image Credit

I just came from there. I went in for a dog/nose collar contraption that works for Schultz. It costs $8.94. I walked out of there with two bags and a charge of $56 on my handy dandy Visa.

I even promised myself that I would ONLY BUY THE DOG LEASH. But you know what I did?

I saw a bag of chips 'anniversary sale' priced. They were the yummy, super-salty wavy ones in the red bag, with questionable vegetable oil. They were the BIG size! They were only $2.50! It was 2:00pm and I hadn't eaten since 7am! My hunger won.

I opened those bad-boys up and started eating some in the store. Sooooo not classy. If an employee saw me, they had the full and complete right to bitch-slap me right there for opening up greasy food and walking around their store. I am sure that if I had passed a mirror the sight would have been so repulsive I would have...

I digress.

I thought I wrote salty baldness for a second there.... Image Credit

So I meandered to the FAR BACK CORNER of the store to get the dog thing. I saw a big thing of detergent on sale. I forged ahead (But the price is so good! You didn't get a cart, dumbass and that thing is heavy! It says it is biodegradable after 90 years, that's good, right?! No - dog collar, dog collar, dog collar).

I may have weaved a path through the shoe department. Maybe, maybe not.
Of course I did.

And the funny thing? I didn't even want to look at shoes. I don't need any more shoes. At that moment (it was fleeting, no worries) I didn't even WANT shoes.

These blistery shoes turned me off shoes for, like, a week. It was that traumatizing.

I made it to the pet section. It felt like a small victory. But folks, I had to turn around and make it allll the way back to the register.

That means I had to pass:

the stationary section (I've been needing a little foldy thing for receipts in my purse so I will just scroll every single aisle here to see if something could work.... nope, but oooh! Multiple-coloured pens on clearance! That seems like fun! Pens are fun!),

the glass food storage containers (I am always seeking out the latest clearance because I am becoming more and more afraid of plastic and leaching and health concerns by the day... and yes I am crazy, thanks for asking),

coffee tables (my friend needs a new one and I thought maybe I could get her a cute little one, then I thought that she likely has nicer taste than wood laminate and that who the hell was I to try to design her living room for her because I have terrible taste and what was the rest of her decor anyway? Thus..... I moved on),

shower curtain stuff (we finally picked one out of the 82 that I purchased, but it needed a liner... so... did you know that Wal-Mart has a shitload of liners? I perused and hummed, and might have even hahhed. Then bought 3 so BF could choose which one he liked the best. I'm so sweet. Either sweet or irrationally indecisive).

And that is another post in itself.... I am a buyer-with-the-full-intent-of-returning-at-least-one-of-something-after-shopping-if-not-more (sorry , please don't hate my kind.. or... well, at least me. I always keep my receipt and never open the stuff!!).

So I left with chips, 3 shower curtain liners, multi-coloured pens, something else I've forgotten, and some other random thing. For $56.

Oh yeah, and the dog collar.

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  1. Worry about chemicals from plastic leaching into your food. . . good.

    Those chips with that funny oil? I don't have to tell you how bad they are!

  2. Oh Steph...you need a life supervisor! I'm touched that you thought about me while shopping! I've got plans for a coffee table, a little DIY project.

  3. Lmfao!!! You do realize, don't you, that they pay someone, like, a gazillion dollars a year to place all that stuff in just the right spot to make you want to buy it. Just sayin'!

  4. A Mom on Spin - I think I was born without the "common sense" gene at times...

    Jody - How depressing and true. It's like I need a chaperone for all life events. BF offers to chaperone bed time all the time, isn't that so protective of him? lol

    ♥ Vicki ♥ - Be damned merchandizers of the world!!!! *shaking free fist while other fist shovels chips into mouth*

  5. damn you wal-mart!! damn you to hell!!! :P

  6. Wow. On Monday, I went shopping at Wal-Mart and all the while , as I weaved among the narrow aisles and shoppers banging their carts against mine, I kept thinking "I hate Wal-Mart."

    We are on the same track of mind, my friend. :-P

    -Barb the French Bean

  7. I was just there today! I needed to get a baptism present for my cousin's baby and I saw the CUTEST onesies. Like, I'd have a baby just to dress her in them. I was just going to get one, but they were so cute (And $3.47!) so I had to get two to go with the all natural bath products. Then I saw Cadberry creme eggs (chocolate creme!!) and Marshmallows in the shape of tiny cupcakes. Two things a bride-to-be should not be eating. Damn you wal-mart. Damn you, impulsiveness!


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