Monday, September 13, 2010

A Little Part Of Me Dies


These are not in any kind of order, I just typed out the strongest things that popped into my mind.
I welcome readers to post at least one of their own in the comments. You can even do it anonymously.

A little part of me dies:
  • When I think of the pain the Rwandans went through during their Genocide, or what the Nazis did.
  • Every time I watch even a few minutes of the news
  • When I read about the hurt that R has been through with the loss of her beautiful baby boy, Beckett
  • When I realize all that I have lost due to illness over the years
  • When I think about how much we have here and how children die from simple, treatable things like diarrhea in Kenya and Tanzania
  • When the only feedback I get on my performance at work is post-it notes stuck to pages where there were errors
  • When I see an animal suffering or dead alongside the road, and wonder what they were thinking and if they were terrified
  • When I have a sick pet of my own and don't really know what is wrong or how to help them
  • When I feel like a speck who can't impact anything in the world, or impart change beyond my front door
  • When I see the full truck of pigs on the highway headed to the slaughter facility in my city
  • When I feel like I have let down someone that I love
  • When I walk into Wal-mart
  • When I ask my family and BF to read my blog and they:
    • don't care to at all / tell me they don't care at all / do read it out of obligation, but don't find it funny at all

A little part of me feels overjoyed:
  • When I get flowers for absolutely no reason at all
  • When BF comes home from a trip and is happy to see me and hug me, even if he is exhausted
  • When I get to dress up and get to dance with BF
  • When I see a butterfly flying near me
  • When I see a dog or cat lounging or walking on the street or in a pet store, no matter how shitty my day
  • When I get a new blog follower or comment
  • When I am invited to a wedding
  • When my niece or nephew says they love me, before I say it to them
  • When my pets are healthy
  • Diamonds. Pretty pretty diamonds
  • When someone says something I have done/said/worked on is 'perfect' (this is more rare than diamonds)
  • When someone performs a random act of kindness... then I try to do the same
  • Finding a great deal at Winners or on something (previously) super-expensive at the Bay
  • Feeling the sun on my skin
  • Remembering my dog, Scooby Doo, and how much I love her and always will
  • Feeling connected to other people
  • Seeing Schultz bring me a stuffed animal, wagging his tail, after a crappy day
  • Singing at the top of my lungs in my car, on the highway, at night, so no one can see me rockin' out

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    1. Part of me dies when:

      -Obnoxious family relative who is blind to her *own* faults sees the need to criticize my hard-working family and imply that we are a bunch of unsuccessful good-for-nothing loafers

      -When I realize this person is supposed to be FAMILY and not, in fact, an enemy

      -When wish I could help my mother financially but can't because I DON'T HAVE A JOB (which is another contributing factor of good-for-nothingness the Enemy Family Relative pointed out)

      -When the weatherman predicts 20% chance of rain and it has been raining for 4 hours straight

      -When I check my bank account and flies zoom out of it leaving behind a trail of dust in their wake

      Part of me feels overjoyed when:

      -I'll be getting the heck out of here in two weeks to FRANCE

      -When I see a mother duck and her troop of cutie ducklings waddle around and throughly enjoying the "20% chance" rain

      -When I spend my time with a great friend doing not much and it still feels like a blast

      -When I get an idea of what to blog about

      Barb the French Bean

    2. Parts of me die when:
      -my family or friends are hurt or upset

      Parts of my are happy:
      -when my kitty decides to be nice to me, even for a moment

      Don't apologize for this post. We appreciate all of your thoughts, funny or not! x

    3. Life goes by so quickly.
      I hope your overjoyed moments greatly surpass your dying ones.

    4. Anonymous - I think your comment is beautiful. Thank you. I am truly touched.

      I wish the same for you.


    5. A part of me dies when:

      i work my ass off for two weeks, see the horrible paycheque deposit in the bank and watch it disappear into the bills before the weekend is over-- back to work--repeat

      im betrayed by a friend(or at least thought one was)

      i walk into a situation and find horrible suffering and the person causing it doesnt care or only cares now that they are caught. all i can do is be polite (its vague for the sake of anonymity- steph u can prob figure it out)

      when i sit alone, look around and think.

      the sad "help me" in and animals eye.

      i hear yet one more peice to the shitty puzzle that is a former relationship.


      a dog (or sometimes a cat) licks your face

      curtain ppl are around (who will remain nameless)

      i push the ignition switch in the motorcycle.

      i do the first pull back on the above said motorcycle throttle

      i hit a speed where i begin to get pretty scared, then go a bit faster on the above said....u get the point. the bike makes me happy

      the "thank you" look in an animals eye

      i see the paycheck-- this is a very quick feeling which is overtaken by point #1 in begining section almost immediately

      i can help a friend

      acknowledgment for a job well done especially if its not ecspected

      Thanks steph.
      even tho it put it into prospective it was nice to get it out

    6. *Anonymous - a little part of me dies knowing that you don't receive the recognition or pay you deserve for the difficult work you do. I have the utmost respect for you and love you for doing it despite all the dark things you face. And the people you have to deal with.

      The sad "help me" in animals' eyes is crushing. I wish I could say something to make that not so awful, but I can't. It's just awful... {{HUGS}}

      Your significant other never deserved you for a second. Not one second. YOU = THE AWESOME and anyone who don't give props, is a foo (say it like Mr. T., it makes more sense then).

      I hope you have an abundance of doggies (and kitties) licking your face for the rest of your years, that the right 'certain people' will always make you feel joy and love, that you have a bajillion SAFE bike rides to help to feel happy and free, that you keep helping (remembering the awesome parts), and knowing again that you do an awesome job.

      'Cause you do, Anonymous, I know you do. {{HUGS}}

      Final note - try not to sit around and think. It never does me any good. My brain is a bitch and she likes to go to dark places a lot of the time. Stupid brain.


    I get far too excited when new comments come in here...