Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I Look Like A Server - Also, Want To Help The Bloggess?

This is the last of my bleeding heart posts (the last one lost me two followers, for reals).

Jenny, THE BLOGGESS, is co-ordinating stuff here:

Moving on to other topics...

I bought a new wrap blouse and a high-waisted pencil skirt to wear to my work luncheon. It is one of two Christmas-y sort of dress up things I get to attend this year. They were both on sale (the clothing, not the functions), but I am still having a hard time justifying the buy. But, with all the weight loss, NOTHING FITS. So, I went for it.

BF said I looked great. I tried everything on last night to make sure it fit and I didn't look like a hooker or anything. I actually felt like I rocked it pretty well.

Then I got to the hall. I was the first one there. A client came in and asked me where to put his coat, and if I worked there. FUCK NO, I don't. I work for the engineering firm that invited you here. (And no, I am not an engineer, I am a lowly co-ordinator, but I still do engineery stuff, beeyotch! Yeah, I've been on a swing stage. Many times. EAT THAT, Mr. Client!).

Then I considered the fact that I was wearing a black tank top, white wrap blouse and high-waisted black skirt. Shit. All I needed was a tie and I would have matched the bloody wait staff (okay, they may have been wearing vests, too, I'm not sure).

My co-worker (we'll call him Colleague #1) came in and looked at me. First words out of his mouth? "Oh hey, do you work here? Can you go get me a drink or something? *snickers*".


So of the 6 people there, 33% pointed out my outfit was very waitress-like. Which is obviously AWESOME because that was the look I was going for when I shelled out the money to actually buy a decent outfit for once. Friggin' awesome.

So more people came in, it was bloody freezing with the door opening so often, chit chat was had, mingling commenced. I smiled and laughed. I was already pissed that my hair was a big 80's pouf-ball disaster (over-diffusing = chia pet). I also added these pretty drop earrings into the mix, which I had originally assumed would be mostly covered by my hair being down. Once I put the sides up to control the pouf factor, I forgot that shit made me look some pink lipstick away from a Poison video. (Surprisingly more like the gentlemen in said video).

Then I wandered to the bar. And one of the three main manager-guys that I always joke around with asked me if I worked there and if I could get him a drink. He had not spoken with Colleague #1.


So... I should have worn a pair of my ill-fitting pants with a tight belt, some random sweater, and donated the damn money to charity. Also? I get to wear the outfit again and hope no one approaches me and asks for more h'ors d'oeuvres.  (Yes I had to search for the proper spelling of that).  At least at the work function I had a company name tag on. Not at this next event.

Quadruple bonus? I went to the washroom about an hour before everything ended to find that my mascara had somehow morphed onto my upper eyelids, as well as under my eyes. It looked like I had been crying (trust me, I know that look + mascara). It has never happened to me before, but it was the icing on the cake. I looked like the saddest 80's rocker slash waitress slash bartender slash streetwalker this little town ever did have.

"Hi, I'm Stephanie, welcome to the luncheon." (minus the collar)

I blame it on the shitloads of concealer I tried to apply (albeit poorly, and, what's that you say? Blend? I'm not familiar with that... Pancakey make-up is not advisable? Really? Can you double check that? What's that you say? Liquid/cream clearance eyeshadow probably didn't help matters? Hmm. Well, where the hell WERE YOU when I was getting ready?)

Mark that one as a big, fat fail.

Before you all try commenting with soothing "It wasn't that bad" comments, just let me have this one. This monumental moment of semi-confidence to epic fail. Yes, I am sure it wasn't that bad at the end of the day. Whatever.

Fuck it, I'm wearing it out tomorrow night, too. To a RESTAURANT. I'll tempt fate. But maybe I will try to straighten my hair. And not wear dripping eye make-up. And drop earrings. And pink lipstick.

Nah, probably not.

_________________________________________________________ Pin It Now!


  1. I will give you this,,, it was probably an epic fail, but I bet you still looked hot!

  2. Hell, I *wish* I could wear a pencil skirt, but my lower abdomen and I are going to BFFs...whether I like it or NOT. :-P

    Hm. Perhaps you could wear a red jacket/blazer with the ensemble, or maybe a colorful necklace? You need something that pops away from the "I'm a waitress" air.


  3. A fancy scarf, perhaps?

    I bought a dress once that my friend said made me look like an Asian prostitute, if it's any consolation. Plus the material would cling to my panty hose and I'm pretty sure I flashed a few different people on the odd occasion I wore it.

    What I'm saying is: waitress > asian prostitute.

  4. You probably still rocked the hooker/waitress look.

  5. hmmmm... maybe a festively colored tank top instead of the black one?
    OR stick with the black. then just wander into the kitchen and start bossing people around!
    also? you should post a pic of yourself in this outfit so we can see if your coworkers were just being dink-holes.
    also? make-up fails are the worst. that's why i usually buy cheap clothes and expensive make up.
    also? earrings make me TOTALLY self conscious, and i have no idea why.
    also? no wait, i think that was everything. :D

  6. I agree a real picture of you in the outfit would be great.

    Did you at least get some tips?


  7. I would never unfollow you! Unless you said something really mean that made me cry. :)

    Also, what the Bloggess is doing is awesome!! So glad you are trying to help out. I need to post something about it, too.

  8. First off, I too have had to google the spelling of h'ors d'oeuvres. Right there? No google - copy/paste out of your post. So it better be right!

    Also.. what the hell is a pencil skirt?


  9. How the hell could two of your followers abandon you and miss all of this?! You are a hoot, woman.

  10. *AmberLaShell - awww, thanks once again Amber. Think "hot, epic, drippy fail". ;-)

    *Barb - excellent advice on the necklace. I don't really own anything substantial, but maybe I can find something that will work. Or layer smaller ones. Or add a dog collar. But that's a great idea. And I have no blazers that actually fit. :-(

    *Yandie, Goddess of Pickles - i like the idea, but then I just totally got the image of a WestJet stewardess in my head and don't want that either. Plus, I am totally inept at tying scarves. Damn my lack of fashion sense!

    *George Wells - rocked it, and charged the bartender $50/10 minutes. JK!

    *jess - i like your take on this, too. I should just waltz in the ktichen and demand cheesecake by the plateful to be delivered to our group. For FREE. Also? I love your comment in general. And the mascara was Clinique and the damn cover up was Lise Watier (overpriced crap - the most $$ I've ever spent on one piece of make-up). The cream eyeshadow was coke-laced Rimmel.

    *V-Tom - if you were closer, I'd smack you. HA! And, unfortunately, no. :-(


  11. *Jumble Mash - the meanest I would get would be a generic comment in the post itself, which calls the reader "asshat" and is not specifically directed at anyone. But I felt bad afterwards because a few people apologized. I was like - wait! No! You're not an asshat, I do this sometimes, too! Come back!! etc.

    Yeah, the Blogess has certainly got her hands full now with the $30 gift card donation thing goin' on!

    *Simple Dude - i emailed you about spa week. And that spelling came from google, so either most people are spelling it wrong, or else you are solid. It's one of the two. And a pencil skirt is a tighter-fitting usually higher waisted skirt that comes down to above or below the knee (I think).

    *becca - thanks Becca!

    *Krissy - aww, thanks! The voices in my head tell me that sometimes, too.. JK! Welcome to the blog and thanks for commenting!

  12. BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA- i was done at "I looked like the saddest 80's rocker slash waitress slash bartender slash streetwalker"

    i lolled my pants off reading this entry and the only thing that could have possible topped it would be a picture of you in your Tawny Kitaen getup. please post, stat.

  13. *You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... - man, you are expanding my ego exponentially with a laugh like that! Fortunately for me, not so for you guys, there is no photographic evidence of the disaster that was.

    I cleaned myself up tonight and things looked much better. But that makes for boring blogging. ;-)

    Crappy v-log will be posted on Sunday night.

  14. OH you poor thing! At least you have a sense of humor! :-)

  15. Really? Seriously....REALLY??? All that and you didn't post a real photo? THAT is the real fail, missy. Having said that, you should have taken your banana gun!


I get far too excited when new comments come in here...