Thursday, March 3, 2011

My Take On Weddings

Being husband and wife should be good.

I will admit I am terrified of divorce rates, and how many friends of ours have already split/divorced, but I know I want to spend my life with Feyoncé.

Now, my take on the wedding machine in general is this:

The general price tag? Exorbitant.
The typical lead time you need to book the venue and reception hall you need? Ridonkulous.
The overwhelming and ridiculous precedent that websites like and set? Enough to make me curl into the fetal position, weeping, after learning I have to:

A) Tip everyone, their brother, their third cousin, and the janitor 22% (on top of the whack-job prices that are out there).

B) Import flowers from Fiji, Timbuktu and Alaska for my bouquet, in order to feel pretty and not have a laughable pack of stems (that will die in a few hours).

C) Ask 14 women to buy overpriced, hideous dresses to have a typical "bridal party" (I have seen many photographers' websites, and the average seems to be 7-8. For reals).

D) Pay $70 for a child's meal. (I kind of hope for underage drinking at that rate).

E) Realize I will ONLY be a beautiful bride with a designer dream dress worth $2,000+ (or be left treated like garbage at most bridal stores for looking for off-the-rack dresses that don't require ordering and are usually cheaper).

F) Be pressured to spend almost $200 on a piece of "bridal illusion tulle" (basically white or ivory screen door material with some beads) for a bloody veil! And what's that you say? Tiara? Oh, that small one there is $175. (*choke, gag*)

G) Spend hundreds of dollars on custom invitations and ornate centrepieces (who bases their enjoyment of a wedding based on the price tag of an invitation or centrepiece? Really?)

Okay, I could go on forever, but I'll cut to the chase.

We want a day to celebrate our love. We want a reasonable wedding. We want our family and friends to be a part of our union, have a great meal, drink their faces off, dance, and experience a great party.

I don't want all the frivolous extras. Neither does Feyoncé. They add up so FAST, but they are also more details to worry about.

I worry enough.
I obsess enough.

I just want nice.

Nice and simple, and a loving environment with our friends and family.

Not feeling forced into assimilating and following traditions. We aren't traditional. Shouldn't it be about love and fun and great memories? Not a second mortgage?

Societal pressure can be so bloody intense. And, by the way, A through G will NOT be happening.

p.s. To those of you out there that have, or will, or plan to have ginormous huge $$$ blingy weddings, and WANT them, all the power to you. I am sure you will blow everyone away.

middle child - I will not be spending even a fraction of that on a flower girl basket, you can be damn sure, as I’ve mentioned before.

Tom G. - I damn well better only get married once. I couldn't handle the planning of a SECOND wedding! ;-)

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... - I REFUSE to be jaded. I refuse to spend like crazy. I have to have a lame vegetarian gluten-free meal, lest I be a farty bride, but I get your point.

Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. - As I said, I did get one, at "Impression Bridal" in Mississauga, thanks to advice from a friend (thanks A!)

Storm. Kat Storm.- Don't be fooled, I come with a toolbox of fear as well. Also? I don't compute "upscale". lol.

V-Tom - Good luck getting married inexpensively ANYWHERE, even if it is simple. I understand your sentiment, but wedding costs for ANYTHING are insane. INSANE, I SAY!

becca, myjoyproject, Angie and Jumble Mash - Thanks for your congratulations, I appreciate the support.

The Empress - That is SO the mentality. Just make it bigger! Better! Grandiose! Charlie Sheen-esque (with less crazy). It's friggin' nuts.

steph c - Are you budget-less? Unlimited? We don't have a set budget, but we don't want to be suckers, or overpay where we don't have to.

Oilfield Trash  - We're trying to keep it small. We are.

steph gas - Thanks steph. We know it's our day. Just gotta stay focused on the end goal! And you should totally look into wedding planning as a career again if you love it!


 jess - That would be the most awesome bachelorette party ever, but I don't think I would have any takers.

 Chris - Meh... I hate saying Feyoncé. I just want to enjoy things, but feel like I need to plan it all NOW, FIRST so I can then relax (ha ha).

On My Soapbox - It's true, even hairstyle "Updos" are $15+ more to start simply because it is for a bride and they know you will pay!

bruce  - I'm with ya man. It's a rip off!

hed - These are the main details. Otherwise my friends who lurk and read this will see things before the wedding, and I don't want that! lol.


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  1. I am glad you preempted my comment with your comment. I am glad you agree with me. lol

  2. You are off to a great start. You've already figured out what a scam most wedding related expenses are. Don't worry about anyone elses expectations for your wedding. It's NOT a contest, despite what the Wedding Industiral Complex would have you believe. All that matters is you, Feyonce, and family and friends sharing in celebrating your love. The rest is just noisy distraction.

  3. Get married at a nudist camp and you'll solve everything.

  4. @Oilfield Trash - And free profile links for all!! lol

    @Tom G. - I agree completely. Though we still need to consider everyone else, I know it isn't a contest. (Plus I ALWAYS lose contests, so that would make it kind of a shitty day... HA!)

    @George - I have SIX words for you:
    father walking me down the aisle.

    Also? I like your Grandpa's style. When I want to feel really sexy, I hike my shorts up to my armpits. It's hot.

  5. @Organic Meatbag - Thanks man!!

  6. i'm going to email you with all my cheapie tips from when i got married. what's that you say? -you didn't ask for them? whatever, i'm sending anyway.

  7. Steph, while my second marriage only lasted 20 years, the wedding was really nice. We had it on the front lawn of my parent's place (at that time a nice place in the country.) I wore a suit, she wore a nice dress (but not a specific wedding dress.) A friend who is a photographer took the pictures *and gave us the proofs afterwards as well*. Her mom insisted on a minister so we had a minister in. Immediate family came, we had some food brought in and then had a nice party.

    During the actual ceremony it was overcast but as we said our vows the sun came out and it felt like a good omen (maybe 20 years is good?)

    My first marriage didn't quite last seven years and we had a stupid big church wedding and I only knew about 30 of the 200 people that came. What a waste!

    If you are with the person you love then the most important thing is that the two of you are happy. If people's expectations are for a big wedding then do what my Italian friends do and have a big wedding with a money tree so that you at least make some money for all the drama. Otherwise get married as simply as you can and spend the money and effort on living the rest of your life together!

  8. hope you have the wedding of your dreams me i wish i had gone to the court house and saved the money

  9. Screw all that, me and wifey found a wee chapel in the mountains and had a wee wedding with about 20 family/guests. We saved enough $$$ to buy our first house, weddings are fairy tail princess bullshit which is alright if you have the dough to blow or your last name is Hilton or Kardashian, other than that have a wee one...
    ps. me and the mrs are 15 years strong.
    Cheers, Sausage...

  10. Just have a lot of booze and a descent photographer to record the awesomeness! No one will remember anything else :)

  11. i had a churchy but smallish first wedding cuz it was what my first ex wanted.

    i got married in diner, got a blurb on the news there, and wore cost me next to nothing...

    the second wedding was a much happier and funner day...

    i hope for you to enjoy it no matter what you do!

    and you will be a gorfeous bride no matter how much your dress costs!

    peace and love n stuff!

    bruce and tucker!

  12. EXACTLY what you have said. i think women (and men, too) are conditioned from an early age to think the wedding has to be full of all these "necessities" which really aren't. the wedding is just supposed to be a giant party, a celebration of, as you say, your love & commitment to each other!

    blessings to you & mr feyonce! not to be sappy or anything, but i know you'll have the wedding of YOUR dreams, the party you'll have fun at. and you CAN do it all for a reasonable price. : )

  13. I'm happy that you're remembering the basic point of a wedding-that it's to celebrate YOU and YOUR HUBS!

    I know what you're saying about A through G-because a lot of us women get sucked in to the peer pressure of the "perfect" wedding, you know?

    My wedding was small (20 people) and cheap, and it was the I'm positive yours will be too <3


  14. I'm getting married in my half-sister's-mother's-backyard, in dress that will not cost more thant $200, and then have a barbecue/pool party. With a Keg.

    Cause I'm classy like that. And because I effing hate weddings.

    I think you will be a beautiful bride no matter what you wear, and please don't lose sight of the fact that it is YOUR wedding, and you need to celebrate it in a manner that fits your lifestyle and your budge. you don't have to be fancy :-P I saw this thing on some wedding show on TV once about a couple that spent so much on their wedding they couldn't afford a honeymoon or their house. RIDONKULOUSSSSSS

  15. remember that one time i said i was going to email you with all my helpful wedding tips? well, i changed my mind and decided to blog about it instead. bc i'm an asshole like that.

  16. Oh hell no. We have a small budget, entirely self-funded. My dress is around the $500 mark, no veil, prob using baby's breath for bouquets (it actually looks nice, for real!). The whole wedding industry makes you think you need so much and you're worth nothing if you don't spend a bajillion dollars. I think that's dumb. Like you said, it's about the love between you and your man.. not all that glitz and glamour. If you can afford it then hells yea, go nuts. But we sure as heck can't!!

  17. You have an *excellent* start on things, because you see through all the crap! For bouquets, you might consider whatever will be in season at the time (and including greenery/leafy stuff to fill them out). For centerpieces for one of my "big" birthdays, I had white tablecloths, squares of red felt (bought at thrift store), clear vases (none matched - bought at thrift store), clear glasses w/ tealights (none matched - bought at thrift store) and fresh, in-season flowers (white and red tulips). Since I was paying for it, I wanted something nice (but not too nice) and inexpensive.

  18. I heard the first rule in planning a wedding is not to tell the venue or caterers that it is a wedding.
    Keep it simple. My brother got married in his own back yard and it was lovely.

    Congrats and I hope you sort it out.
    (sorry I am so late with the catchup)

  19. ZOMG!!! You got engaged and BF has now been upgraded to fiancé?! CONGRATS!!!

    Why is it that all the exciting stuff happens when I am away on vacation? :-P I have so much blog catching-up to do that it is not even funny.

    Again, mes félicitations!!! :-D

    -Barb the French Bean


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