Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Am I Engaging? I'd Like To Think So...

So if you missed the second to last post, I'm engaged y'all.

And not in that Britney-Spears-55-hour-long-marriage kind of engaged. It's taken us 6 and 1/2 years to get here.

This is what I actually did, right after Feyoncé proposed:

Fucking Awesome, right?

Okay, not really... but that IS me and I actually did that in Jamaica a few years ago, and it was the most fun I had had (had had?) in years.

Also? I look terribly sexy in shorts and black sport socks.

It's okay to feel a little jealous inside. (Go ahead, watch it again, you know you want to)

Now... I am not, by any means, planning to turn this into a wedding blog, but let me tell you there is some seriously effed up shizz in the wedding world. I will be touching on some of what I have already experienced in my quest to find an affordable dress, and all that jazz.

When searching for a veil online, I came across this photo of "flower girls"

The left flower "girl" looks like she could be a dude... and the one on the right, well... I just don't know.

The "girl" on the right should maybe not be wearing the cleavage-displaying, pedophiliac delight as she appears to be. Tell me I am not the only person troubled by that photo? And lefty seriously looks like s/he could be a dude with waxed arms. Just sayin'.

I searched Kijiji for wedding dresses. (Kijiji is the cheap bastard's eBay - it's free to list and so people will list just about anything).

Found this gem, posted for you ladies out there in need of a throwback to 1982:

You might have had better luck selling this dress about 30 years ago (you know, despite it's seasonal versatility and pet-free home and everything).

I know, awesome right? You're welcome. All for the low price of $75. I think the sales pitch should have been "awesome costume for 80s-themed Halloween party!!".

One additional note. I went into Heirlooms Bridal Shoppe in Dundas, Ontario, just to see what they had in store. I asked the sales associate what, if anything, they had in my price range.

She literally looked at me like I had just shat in the front doorway. And she turned her nose up, as if it smelled like I had just shat in the doorway. She then had the nerve to SCOFF at me, and say:

"Well, we have some very PLAIN dresses here. They are about (twice your budget)" as she lazily sifted through a few "destination" dresses at the front of the store.


Haughty, snotty bitch.

The wedding industry is like the rich girl/cool kid club, and I am SO NOT ONE OF THOSE.

I promptly told her I would look elsewhere. GAH.

p.s. I did find a dress somewhere else, within my budget.

p.p.s. Trying to find a wedding dress when suffering extreme fatigue is not fun, time consuming, and exhausting. Just letting you know.
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  1. Flying trapeze? I am totally impressed!
    But what really struck me was the $30 for the flower girl's basket!? Really? Good luck and as for the snooty sales people,...Just turn around and say,..."well, I was actually looking to spend (name a much higher $ figure) but your attitude isn't worth any amount of money. I will be writing a letter to your store owner!"

  2. What? Engaged? Congrats!

    Yes, I've been living under a rock.

    I think you need to get past the snotty sales lady and fork over the 75 bucks for the 80's dress. You only get married once!


  3. You do rock those black socks. You may be starting a fashion trend. My grandfather has been doing that for years though. Granted his socks are a little higher, much like the waist of his shorts.

  4. what?!? you're engaged and you didn't even tell me!?!?! it's like i don't even know you.

    ugh- wedding stuff is SO expensive. but don't worry. the good news is you'll get so jaded by the big ticket items that by the time you order little things like souvenirs you'll think "$6 a piece?? that's a steal!" that is, until you buy enough for all the guests and you've just blown through another grand.

    my advice: love the way you look and love your wedding meal. everything else is second-tier importance. <3

  5. I was going to say that if you didn't find a dress yet, Forever Friends in Port Perry is where my sister got hers.. reasonable pricing if I do recall, and friendly staff. And if you go to the willow books in Port Perry there's a cute guy named Craig that works there. Tell him I said hi.

  6. I am so jealous.

    The Bearded Wonder is trying to sell a wedding dress. It's a size 10. If I were you, I would say you want to buy it... then laugh at him cruelly. But I'm still bitter.

    My sister bought hers at a really upscale vintage shop in DC, but another friend of mine was looking at bunch of online shops and found something quite adorable for a good price....

    Weddings, as a rule, scare the hell out of *me*... but Best Wishes, and Congratulations :-)

  7. The whole wedding thing is a big scam. You throw a ton of money away on stuff that really means little to anyone. Get married simply and inexpensively, love each other, and save the money for things that matter (like a house or paying down the mortgage on a house.)

  8. wow i missed that somehow congrats girl and big hugs

  9. Congrats on your engagement. What a total bitch that snotty lady in the dress shop was. The whole wedding thing is a big racket. Back when I was engaged and planning a small wedding for around 75 people one of the venues I was interested in booking only accepted weddings with 250+ guests. They asked me if I could just invite more people. Seriously! ...Ok, must go now so I can watch your video...

  10. How did I miss that post!? CONGRATULATIONS! My family vacations in Georgia at Callaway Gardens and they have FSU's Flying High Circus there every summer. So much fun to do the trapeze and the Mexican cloud swing. I always have a blast doing penny drops and tricks. Watching other people is almost as much fun as doing it yourself. Go you.

  11. I can't remember if I told you yet or not, but congrats on your engagement!!!

  12. I thought the whole Feyonce thing was new.. so congrats!! And welcome to the ridiculous world that is wedding planning. I'm currently shitting myself every time a new quote/bill/whatever comes our way. Being on a budget makes it hard. So I wish you luck!

  13. Congrats on the engagement.

    I liked the video. You have more balls than I do because I wouldn't have done that. Oh and nice socks and legs by the way.

    And I agree with you about the wedding industry being rich kids snooty club. You are better off having a small wedding and not spending a shit ton of cash.

  14. passing on my congratulations. planning a wedding is superfun and superstressful. i really really really enjoyed planning mine though, enough that i seriously considered going into the wedding planning business. then i moved to central florida where if you don't work in hospitality, you probably don't work and promptly forgot about it.

    now that i'm moving back to new york, maybe i'll take another look into it. enjoy it - it's a one time experience. and don't let people hassle you with what THEY want you to do or what THEY THINK you should do - fuck them because IT'S YOUR DAY.

  15. Look at you being all Circus Girl Wonder! Awesome!

    Do what you want..ours was a simple thing, just family (here in Colorado you don't need a minister or judge to officiate...ANYONE can marry you...so I had my Sister officiate), I had a friend give me enough "raw" silk material that I had a dress made for me, and spent most of my money on flowers, and a spa day for me, my Sister and Mom the day before. I don't recommend this...or at least not the massage part, because the guy that did ours was a sadistic bastage that left me barely able to move the next day. Seriously, he would ask how it felt and then dig harder into your muscles if you said good.

    Can't wait to hear about this journey you are on! You have a great sense of humor and I am so glad I found your blog!

  16. did i tell you we did a trapeze class for my bachelorette party? cuz we totally did.

    don't let those uppity bridal store bitches get you down! who CARES how much you spend (or don't spend)... so lame. glad to hear you finally found something :)

  17. Yeah, you kinda slipped that whole being engaged thing into the last post almost inconspicuously. I thought I'd missed sth being on the road...

    Advice: prolong the engagement! People are superawesomely nice to brides-to-be! You get smiles and freebies and fast service anywhere. Just flash the engagement ring.

  18. Anything with the word "wedding" attached to it instantly quadruples in price. Glad you found a dress! The rest will be easy. :-)

  19. arrrgh...

    that wedding dress looks like my first ex wife's matter of fact it looks like my ex...

    and it is prolly the same age...

    i really hate the wedding industry...

  20. Sweeeet! Engaged is awesome because you have every right to go batshit bridezilla and have everything be all about you. It's like a "get-out-of-jail-free" card.

    As for the dress, mine seemed to smack me in the head when I wasn't even looking. Good luck, and I can't wait to hear the details!

    hed hed above water

  21. @ Everyone - I am going to be a lazy ass, and spare you all a novel-length comment response by writing just ONE reply.

    I'm lame, I know, it's true.

    I can't believe how few of you watched the video. It's good shit, I tell you. Good shit.

    If there is one thing that I can tell you I will strive my utmost NOT to be, and that is a bridezilla.

  22. I was kidding about the bridezilla thing-promise! Those women are bat shit crazy! I mean they think their life is RUINED if the table linen isn't the perfect shade of eggshell...


  23. I watched the video (at home!)

    I'm sure most here wish all the best for you and expect that you won't be bridezilla. It seems like you have too good of a grip on reality to become her. (And that is why this blog is so good to read. I ssuepct that, if you sensed that you were changing, you would post it here and make fun.

  24. oh and btw you were awesome on the flying trapeeze!

    and you are bery bery engaging!

  25. And, of course, let the quest for the perfect wedding begin! You may need to mortgage your possessions to finance it, though.

    -Barb the French Bean


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