Sunday, March 27, 2011

Rhetorical Questions

  • Sears, why do you suck so much? You have shitty, overpriced stuff. Your clearance prices, return policies, and catalogue ordering all suck donkey balls.
  • Grandma, why a gift card to Sears? (see above) (just kidding Grandma, you got Winners, that rocks...  but I mean it! Next year please just donate to the SPCA!)
  • Why is it that it doesn't matter how many times I check to make sure I turned on the correct stovetop burner before walking away from the stove, I manage to damage something/use the wrong burner/melt the cordless phone? Seriously!?
  • Why is sitting in a salon chair for hours SO BLOODY awkward? I guess that is why people tell their hairdresser their life story. What the hell else do you do for four-freakin'-hours?
  • Why do people with the nicest homes have the cheapest, easiest-to-tear, sandpaper-to-butt toilet paper?
  • Why is it that Shopper's Drug Mart always makes you wait a minimum of 30 minutes for a single prescription? I know you want store sales, but dude, can't you see I'M SICK?!?
  • Why does it feel somehow wrong to "poke" someone on Facebook? I reciprocate because it seems like the right thing to do... but I feel so dirty afterwards...
Pokity poke-poke. Either could result in blinding.


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  1. Your grandma probably gave you a Sears gift card because that's where she'd want to shop, because judging from the catalog, all Sears sells is dowdy-grandma clothes.

    Not implying in any way that your grandma is dowdy. For all I know she's probably awesome.

  2. *is/was ? (if "was" is appropriate here, my additional apologies, and I'll just shut up now.)

  3. All I know is that the Sears at the West Edmonton mall only carried mens clothing up to the size of large. Now I know most of Canada is a skinny minny but damn I wanted to buy some winter clothes while I was there and they only had mens clothes that I could have worn in Junior High School. So yea Sears sucks.

  4. This is why I go to the little independent compounding pharmacy where they know me and I can call and just say I need my refills and they know exactly which ones to fill. Union Square Compounding Pharmacy in Lakewood, CO. And I get Christmas cards from them and they let me take my puppies in to say hi to them. Well they did anyway until the building put up a huge sign that said no pets other than service animals. I've been tempted to sew a red vest for Fiona so I can take her in to say hi. She loves them. Probably because they fawn all over her and let her smell everything behind the counter. I highly recommend trying to find a small independent compounding pharmacy to switch to.

  5. @Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. - Grandma is a sweetheart, totally not dowdy. She is totally rockin' her Grandma style. I wish she wouldn't buy for us adults any more... it's so much effort for her, I'd rather she just worry about the kiddos.

    @Oilfield Trash - How are you always commenter #1 or #2? It baffles the mind!! And usually they only have XL or XXL when I need men's medium. It's just that 10% theory of yours that we both suffer from.

    @Angie - There is a similar type pharmacy near by, but they are CLOSED on weekends. At least the big store is open 24 hours, so when I realize I am out at 2am and need a refill immediately, they can do it. I just have to wait 30-45 minutes for it.

    Nice to have a more personal experience though.

    My ultimate preference? To never need a prescription again, EVER. That would be the ultimate.

  6. OH! Is Sears still in business? Ha.

  7. With posts like this combined with all the other ones I have read about Sears sucking, hopefully they won't continue to be around. ...The toilet paper thing literally chaps my ass ...Have you tried ordering your perscriptions online? I think you can have your pharmaceuticals sent where ever is convenient. No more waiting around in stores while the pharmacist wacks-off or does whatever the eff they get up to behind those medicine cabinets.

  8. Sears only kicks ass with appliances imo...I wouldn't set foot in it otherwise!


  9. last time i was at Sears it was to get little mans pictyre taken and i never poke back on rb it gets annoying to me

  10. I feel the same way about facebook poking.
    and as for the salon, my ipad/ipod is my saviour.

  11. Is the girl pictured for what's poking through her shirt or the sunglasses?

  12. i was just at sears yesterday with awesome husband. we needed a new water filter for our refrigerator. and then we decided to get him new glasses. 2 for $99. of course, it's extra for the thin lenses he needs. and the polarized lenses. and the 'optical assistant' kept calling them 'polaroid lenses'.


    anyway. sears also has tools. which awesome husband generally needs for work. so we kind of like sears. for tools. and appliances/appliance accessories. and glasses. but not much else.

  13. @middle child - I know... by the sounds of it, their appliances are what's keepin' 'em alive for the most part!

    @The Empress - I know I read someone else's post about hating Sears, and I felt their pain. I used to love the catalogue when I was kid. Not any more.

    Also? Shoppers Drug Mart has online prescription refill, but it is set up very poorly. I usually try to phone in the refills if I remember.

    @hed - True, all of ours are Sears, so they've got that!

    @becca - I forgot that they have a portrait studio! And maybe I should just avoid the poking altogether. Sounds like a solid plan to me!

  14. @Mynx - I love the idea, but I am not tech-savvy enough! I don't own either! I am so far behind the times!

    @George - That would definitely be Victoria Beckham's nipples on that one.

    @steph gas - I'm with you and Hed for appliances, but aren't tools cheaper at Home Depot or Lowe's? I didn't realize that Sears sold glasses. Interesting. See, learn something new every day!

  15. omg I totally use the wrong effing burner every friggin day. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out that the knob on top is the back burner... or vice versa... or whatever... Dammit!

  16. 95% of the world is in debt, just at a different level.

    ya gotta save money somewhere.

    but tp? that is just stupid. turn the thermostat down 2 degrees and buy some decent asswipes..

    jus' sayin'

  17. POKE!!!! hehehehe(picture a lepricone running away laughing- much funnier that way!)

  18. I poke people all the time on the facebook. I like it. Makes me feel important.

    My stove has a chart on it that show which knobs go with which burners. Helpful.

  19. I have friends in real life (whatever the hell THAT means) who actually walk up to me and *poke* me in the ribs with their finger and say *poke* when they do it. I seriously want to punch them in the nose and say *PUNCH MOTHERFUCKER* but I figure that's probably not the best way to keep friends "in real life" so I don't do it. Also? You won a prize at Glitter Frog! I heart you, btw.

  20. The only thing I've purchased at Sears in the last, oh, 20 years has been a refrigerator.... Maybe Grandma gives you gift cards for Sears because, back in the day, the were a Big Deal. Anyone remember the catalogue, and how you would have to go to the special counter of the store to pick up what you ordered?

  21. @Marianna Annadanna - There is even a little diagram. Feyoncé doesn't understand how I can get so confused. And I have done it TWICE since I wrote this post. We're helpless together!

    @brucie - I am SOOO with you. The world owes it to their genitals. Just sayin'.

    @Bjames - Poke to the power of ∞ (That's the fancy symbol for infinity, therefore, I WIN!)

  22. @Storm. Kat Storm. - I am still challenged with the damn diagram. Seriously. I should post a photo. You will all see how (more) ridiculous I am.

    @vickilikesfrogs - I heart you, too. Have missed you. And yay! I won! And I did LOL at "*PUNCH MOTHERFUCKER*"!!!

    @On My Soapbox - I used to love flipping through the Sears Christmas "Wish Book" to source out beautiful (read: ugly) crystal salt and pepper shakers for mom and dad, and gross chocolate letters for my sister.

    It used to kick ass. Along with "Consumers Distributing".

    Now Sears charges you a non-refundable $3 plus tax for every catalogue order. Bastards!

  23. What's a cordless phone doing on the burner anyway? (another rhetorical question)

  24. @Chris - I leave shit EVERYWHERE. Plus they are both black... so it practically blends in. Sort of. Not really.

  25. Agree with eveyrthing esp. with Facebook Poke. You don't feel sufficiently dirty until you have a son whose on Facebook and then you see the notification on the side bar that... Well, you know what I am trying to say. YIKES!


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