Friday, April 22, 2011

How Do You Know? Trust Me, I KNOW.

So, in what can only be described as a loss of 121 minutes of my life, Feyoncé and I watched the unusually-stabby-rage-y-feeling inducing crap film called "How Do You Know" last night.

It had all of the components a few of the components  a component  some of the components to make a decent film:

  • Paul Rudd
  • Reese Witherspoon
  • Owen Wilson

I love Reese! I love Paul! I am happy that Owen is doing much better, after his suicide attempt a few years back.

I know that you will want those 121 minutes of your life back.

But it WAS.JUST.AWFUL.  For the first 40 minutes, I kept telling Feyoncé that the line/idea/segment/part of the movie was unnecessary, ridiculous, pointless, not-at-all believable, painful to watch, or out-of-line and/or slightly demeaning in some ways to the strong character Reese plays.

My personal opinion? About the first 100 minutes of the movie were what you normally see in the "deleted scenes" special edition section of a DVD, because it was irrelevant and boring.

The last 20 minutes were bearable. Owen had a few pretty funny one liners. That was it.


It brought out rage close to Michael Bublé levels.

And we all know THAT can't be good for me. Or Feyoncé. Or you, dear friends.

Quick summary of all that is StephanieC:
  • I have been feeling very shitty emotionally and physically the past few days.  
  • I have been searching for literally hours and hours and hours and hours trying to find a honeymoon that fits for us, that is unique, and it is driving me crazy(ier).
  • I ordered my bridesmaids' dresses.
  • Some door-to-door asshole rang the door THREE times on Good Friday morning, while Feyoncé was on a work call in the basement and I was trying to get my bearings while falling out of bed.                You would think a large, unruly Great Dane STANDING UP ON THE INTERIOR OF THE DOOR would deter someone from at least the SECOND doorbell ring, but, NO.  You have no idea how much effort it takes for me to try to get him wrangled and locked away, just to tell you that I am not interested in your cookbooks/religion/fundraising sausage/overpriced chocolate bars/notice that there is a potentially-fatal gas leak and we need to leave the premises immediately . It's not worth even answering the door.  Once Feyoncé got there (while I was restraining the great beast) she asked if he had been sleeping (well you didn't really give a shit one way or the other, didja now?? HMM?)!

Don't bother to ring a second or third time. Just run.

He's sweet inside, but even I would run from a face like that looking back at me AT EYE LEVEL, if I was schlepping door-to-door.

  • Icing on the cake? Feyoncé hasn't been feeling well either, so he went to lay down for a bit. And someone else came by door-to-door.  A ringin' away.  *CUE DOGS BARKING THEIR HEADS OFF*.   I struggled beside Schultz to get door-front window real estate, so my face was visible in the doorway and I waved the guy off.   That's right.   Made a *shooing* motion.   At least it worked, and he didn't have to see my pajama pants. Or smell my breath.
I'm holding out on writing any more blog stuff until I get out of this mental pissy state.
Or until Cesar Milan can come here and teach me calm assertive leadership when it comes to strangers at the door.

That last picture of Schultz is sort of helping a bit...

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  1. Oh the dirty things I would do to Reese.

  2. Hang in there! Thing will get better. Just look at that adorable Schultzy! How can you possible be stressed with such a dig dopey lovable face like that around the house. Give him a big wet smooch, and get a good night sleep. You guys will have a wonderful honeymoon, no matter where you are, so long as it's with each other.

  3. I LOVE YOU. awesome husband and i did a lot of thinking about our honeymoon and narrowed it down to ireland or disney world. we went with disney world because you can't do ireland in like 8 days.

    do you want a 'doing' honeymoon or a 'doing nothing but feyonce' honeymoon? my friend just got married at a BEAUTIFUL place in mexico.

  4. Nothing about Jack? I love Jack. As for the door ringing, that would just piss me off. Ring once, knock once, then leave. Its rude to continue ringing.

  5. Oh the dirty things I'd to do Paul.

  6. aww, i liked that movie! it was weird, but ... *shrug* i liked the weirdness! : )

    and on the door to door ppl... shooot. i would soooo ticked that my rest was interrupted, especially if i didn't feel well. ugh! hope you (and feyonce) feel better soon!

  7. Thanks for warning me about this movie. I like all of the actors in this, but if it's bad, it's bad. I hope you start feeling better, mentally & physically. Good luck on the honeymoon spot.

  8. I am with you on that one. As much as it kills me to say this about a Reese Witherspoon movie, I hated this one! SO disappointing! And so many pointless storyline plots. I seriously forced myself to finish the movie, and it was painful. So glad to see it wasn't just me!

  9. I watched that movie last week and I agree! For me it was 100 minutes of pure boredom ending in an unexplained panic attack. Go figure.

    "shooing motion" lol

    Hang in there. Wedding planning can be so tough.

  10. sorry you are not feeling well...

    i knew i should have left after the first time i rang the bell...but the word of god is important...

  11. @Oilfield Trash - You mind your P's and Q's now... Schultz can HEAR that!

    @Tom G. - Thanks for the kind words. You may notice that there are shutters on the window behind Schultzy there. That's because HE BREAKS WINDOWS if he can see out of them. So... I can still be stressed with his adorable face. ;-)

    @steph gas - Schucks, I love you, too, girl. Definitely not an activity honeymoon. Problem is, damn Caribbean is in Hurrican season, and I've been to Mexico twice.

    @Brandy Rose - Sorry, I didn't like his character and his teeth bother me. No disrespect. ;-)

    @Jewels - I was totally not expecting that and it gave me a huge chuckle. Take that, Oilfield! lol. Schultz is okay with dirty talk about Paul Rudd.

  12. @carmar76 - Aw, well I am glad you did like it. Thanks for the kind words, I'm hoping things feel better soon, too.

    @George - Thanks... I hope we figure it out soon. We are both picky. And I'm neurotic. Odd combo. And I'd say avoid the movie, but who knows, maybe you would really like it. Personal preference. Carmar liked it!

    @Krista - Thanks for letting me know! I just read your comment to Feyoncé to assure him I had ground for my dislike of "How Do You Know". I agree with you 100%!

    @Marianna Annadanna - HAHA, love the shooing. I totally don't enjoy wedding planning. I don't find it fun.

    @bruce - You had me laughing out loud. Awesome. I'm keeping my eye out for you now. I've given Schultz your photo, as well. ;-)

  13. HA!!!!!!

    Dude. You're funny.

    Peas out.

  14. Thanks for the heads up on the unbearable movie.

    I like the way you spelled "softter" in the second dog pic. When I read that, I think of it being said with an accent.

    Michael Buble sucks ass. (_l_)

  15. I made the mistake of watching that gahbage the other day. I blame casting couch hummers and the misguided belief that James L. Brooks can still direct as the primary reasons that shit was greenlit. I actually would have turned if off early, but I honestly felt that if I stayed with it until the end it would count as a good deed.

  16. I'm sorry you're feeling so awful!

    As for that movie, I can't do those romantic comedies unless they are from the 80's or early 90's. "It's already been DONE!" I usually yell at my TV.


  17. I'm sorry you're not feeling so great at the moment but I do appreciate the movie review as that was one of the options for tonight.

    Also...LOVE that dog!!

  18. Love the visual of the "shooing motion!" I'm going to try that the next time the stupid politicians come to my door asking me for my support. I'll be like, "Shoo, shooo, go away!"
    As for that movie...Oh.My.God. I couldn't even get through it the first night. I stopped it. But then I enjoy Owen Wilson so much, that crooked nose makes me all horny, I had to finish watching it the next day. And yeah, I felt like I would never get that time back.

  19. Thanks for saving me from watching a bad movie! I will make sure to skip that one.

    I don't answer the door anymore.... Sick of the pushers and brainwashers.

    Unique honeymoon? How about ziplining or whitewater rafting? Maybe a trip to Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon?

  20. @

    @Eeshie - Hey, thanks! You're new, aren't you? Thanks for stopping by!

    @Rico Swaff - Not only are you smart, but you are talented, too. That ass is practically a complete reproduction of Buble. Also? I love your name. Thanks for commenting.

    @D'Artagnan - I totally lol'd at the "good deed" part. I can only hope the same for me, as well as this pubic service announcement to avoid the damn movie.

    @hed - Trust me, I was yelling at my tv, but with much confusion/rage/expletives. Thanks for the kind words. I'm sure things will look up soon.

  21. @jaqui - Hi there! Glad to save you the pain of watching "How Do You Know"... but now you owe me one. Okay, not really. Thanks for commenting. And the dog is pretty lovable when he's not being insane.

    @Sandra - I have to commend your fortitude for stickin' it out. Feyoncé and I had actually planned to watch half at night, but he ran the whole movie because he knew he couldn't convince me to watch the rest the next day if we stopped it. lol

    @On My Soapbox - I know, I pretty much don't answer the door EVER unless I am expecting a package and can tell it is the UPS guy. Sometimes.

    We finally booked the honeymoon last night. FINALLY!

  22. Hahaha!! I was laughing at the thought of you making "shooing" motions at the door! ^_^ I like that much better than my original suggestion of mooning the offender.

  23. @Katsidhe - I could try doing both, but it might not end well... Just picture it!

  24. Who goes door to door anymore? That's what e-mailing is for. I don't blame you. I don't have quite as large of a monster, but my 100 lb labrador is a handful to contain. Best of luck!


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